A review of sorts
Dec. 27th, 2009 01:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyress[[A/N: Written about two weeks ago. Nothing especially of import has happened since, so let's go with it.]]
The New Years Resolution for 2008 was to get better about being open and honest with myself, and seek outside help when it was necessary. I actually think I did an okay job at this, which is nice. I'm still nowhere near where I think I should be on the trust scale, but at the very least, I'm above where I was. By a lot.
The only New Years Resolution I really made for 2009 was to stop ducking up the less/fewer thing. Although I found a file with a list of "goals of 2009". Let's see how we did:
Make a happybox
Nope. Well, kinda, actually. Part of the point was to print the important happybox stuff out, and I never did that. But there seems to be a folder in my "Current Projects" pile on Vera labelled "HappyBox, and I'll be damned if it doesn't have an awful lot of things that make me quite happy. So I suppose this is a win! Let's see if I can continue on such a high note!
Hang out at Maddie's for a weekend
Yeah, or not. I forget why I wanted to do this so intensely, beyond apparently Maddiecakes has a pretty rad house. It's less on my list of priorities these days, but maybe someday.
Get both Aly and V (at varying points) to visit my city
...sigh.
Alys has at least been in it! We drove through on the way back from Thanksgiving. Maybe someday I'll get to borrow her for an actual length of time, and it'll be *great!*
Continue to be able to look for outside help
I tip my hat to thirteen specific of you, and heaps of others as well.
Start a webcomic, no for REALS
...eriuhv;ubehonbdin;
SOMEDAY, DAMNIT! OKAY! I PROMISE!!
On the plus side of everything, I have largely stopped ducking up the less/fewer thing, in that I at least (usually) catch myself when I say less, and know that I am being Bad. So my actual new years resolution has actually worked. Go me!
Perhaps the more interesting thing to look at is what precisely I *did* accomplish this year, besides kissing an awful lot of boys. I started the year the same way I started 2008 --waking up between two of my favourite people in the world-- only this year, instead of waking up between two close friends, I woke up between two boyfriends. It was lovelycomfortable.
January was work, and social, and a little bit of school, and ARISIA and Vericon, and staying at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
marcmagus's house for most of a week. All of which were what they were, and generally quite nice -at least as far as I can recall. I also wrote one of my favourite emoposts, and certainly one of the ones that's gotten the most comments. Ampersands and Trust, which caused at least one extremely bad argument, and a few moments of truly frightening openness as to how I actually work.
February...I don't much recall anything significant happening. Oh wait --I kissed a boy, apparently. I seem to quite recall liking it. Oh, and apparently *that's* when I met a nice lady and her two daughters and played with the daughters and slipped the woman my e-mail and then had her contact me last month. Dude, I am more awesome than I realized. And I wrote a fantastic post about the disparity between me of 15 and me of now.
March. Spring Break. Watchman. Little else of import. Though since I seem to be finding the single best of each post to recommend you lot reread, I suggest this post, on anger.
April. NEFFA, which meant kissing Foster, which was a lovely experience in and of itself. He has quite the lasting effect. And I read Twilight, apparently. Oh, and went to a Vienna Teng concert, that's quite nice. I seem to have been in a very negative headspace, which I don't really want to think about very hard, because I know I spent most of the summer in a bit of a low, and while I certainly perked a bit when I returned to school, I've been feeling fairly low since the end of October or perhaps before. I wrote some interesting posts about gender and privilege and stereotypes and fetishization. You can find them here and here. The first is stronger than the second.
Also, let's drop in here a note to myself to try and write that objectification essay I've been meaning to write about Vienna and music and artists sometime.
May contained Balticon, which got me a boyfriend, after much flirtation. Also, going back to Maryland. I have no love in my heart for Columbia, Maryland. Summers, therefore, are not good things. I like this post, about body hair. I also posted a quite scandalous picture of me dressed as a waitress from a pirate themed sports bar.
And then there was June. Some things that happened in June, hmm. I went to NYC. I had a really quite shitty Origins. I did something incredibly remarkably important for me. I caused a gigantic shitstorm and inadvertently hurt some close friends. I added one more boy to the list of people to keep an eye on.
And oh yeah.
Thorog came to visit.
I don't know that I ever managed to properly react to that, and a lot of the reactions are just too personal to put into apop songLJ entry. But yeah. I got to deliver a hug that was more than three years in the waiting. Nothing better.
In July, Tho left. I did Otakon, which involved lots of nice things. I continued to hate Columbia. I wrote some nice posts, and some emo posts. I posted one of my favourite pictures, ever, of myself. And that was it, really.
August had a Great Big Important in that it had my birthday party. It was the first time I ever successfully hosted a party of my very own, and I feel that it went quite well, and there was dancing, and cake, and Middleman! And dancing!! Also, California, and Brenton visiting (and *actually* getting another boyfriend, ee!) and mom's birthday. I tried to start a flame war about PB&J.
I also moved away from Columbia. I may visit occasionally. It will never again be home.
The corollary to that was that, as September began, I moved to the Boston area, hopefully permanently. And apparently in September, I had a lot of tiny panic attacks, and wrote about how I dealt with them. This is an example, one that I locked down the comments on. Because some things, I'm sorry, you can't comment on in a way that will satisfy my words. I don't think anyone can.
October had Halloween and the Regency Assembly, and I started babysitting, and HonkFest, all of which were just *lovely!* And it somehow managed to have a preponderance of well written things --not only did I arbitrarily write twelve posts in a day, but I extolled the virtues of one of my favourite songs, had an existential crisis about boy-chasing, and put some serious thought into the pros and cons of dressing male for dance. Yay writing.
November I wrote a novel. Nothing else really mattered or happened.
And December. I'm writing this on the 11th. I'm not really sure I can accurately reexamine the month that's barely a third over.
Cheers, loves.
~Sor
MOOP!
The New Years Resolution for 2008 was to get better about being open and honest with myself, and seek outside help when it was necessary. I actually think I did an okay job at this, which is nice. I'm still nowhere near where I think I should be on the trust scale, but at the very least, I'm above where I was. By a lot.
The only New Years Resolution I really made for 2009 was to stop ducking up the less/fewer thing. Although I found a file with a list of "goals of 2009". Let's see how we did:
Make a happybox
Nope. Well, kinda, actually. Part of the point was to print the important happybox stuff out, and I never did that. But there seems to be a folder in my "Current Projects" pile on Vera labelled "HappyBox, and I'll be damned if it doesn't have an awful lot of things that make me quite happy. So I suppose this is a win! Let's see if I can continue on such a high note!
Hang out at Maddie's for a weekend
Yeah, or not. I forget why I wanted to do this so intensely, beyond apparently Maddiecakes has a pretty rad house. It's less on my list of priorities these days, but maybe someday.
Get both Aly and V (at varying points) to visit my city
...sigh.
Alys has at least been in it! We drove through on the way back from Thanksgiving. Maybe someday I'll get to borrow her for an actual length of time, and it'll be *great!*
Continue to be able to look for outside help
I tip my hat to thirteen specific of you, and heaps of others as well.
Start a webcomic, no for REALS
...eriuhv;ubehonbdin;
SOMEDAY, DAMNIT! OKAY! I PROMISE!!
On the plus side of everything, I have largely stopped ducking up the less/fewer thing, in that I at least (usually) catch myself when I say less, and know that I am being Bad. So my actual new years resolution has actually worked. Go me!
Perhaps the more interesting thing to look at is what precisely I *did* accomplish this year, besides kissing an awful lot of boys. I started the year the same way I started 2008 --waking up between two of my favourite people in the world-- only this year, instead of waking up between two close friends, I woke up between two boyfriends. It was lovelycomfortable.
January was work, and social, and a little bit of school, and ARISIA and Vericon, and staying at
marcmagus's house for most of a week. All of which were what they were, and generally quite nice -at least as far as I can recall. I also wrote one of my favourite emoposts, and certainly one of the ones that's gotten the most comments. Ampersands and Trust, which caused at least one extremely bad argument, and a few moments of truly frightening openness as to how I actually work. February...I don't much recall anything significant happening. Oh wait --I kissed a boy, apparently. I seem to quite recall liking it. Oh, and apparently *that's* when I met a nice lady and her two daughters and played with the daughters and slipped the woman my e-mail and then had her contact me last month. Dude, I am more awesome than I realized. And I wrote a fantastic post about the disparity between me of 15 and me of now.
March. Spring Break. Watchman. Little else of import. Though since I seem to be finding the single best of each post to recommend you lot reread, I suggest this post, on anger.
April. NEFFA, which meant kissing Foster, which was a lovely experience in and of itself. He has quite the lasting effect. And I read Twilight, apparently. Oh, and went to a Vienna Teng concert, that's quite nice. I seem to have been in a very negative headspace, which I don't really want to think about very hard, because I know I spent most of the summer in a bit of a low, and while I certainly perked a bit when I returned to school, I've been feeling fairly low since the end of October or perhaps before. I wrote some interesting posts about gender and privilege and stereotypes and fetishization. You can find them here and here. The first is stronger than the second.
Also, let's drop in here a note to myself to try and write that objectification essay I've been meaning to write about Vienna and music and artists sometime.
May contained Balticon, which got me a boyfriend, after much flirtation. Also, going back to Maryland. I have no love in my heart for Columbia, Maryland. Summers, therefore, are not good things. I like this post, about body hair. I also posted a quite scandalous picture of me dressed as a waitress from a pirate themed sports bar.
And then there was June. Some things that happened in June, hmm. I went to NYC. I had a really quite shitty Origins. I did something incredibly remarkably important for me. I caused a gigantic shitstorm and inadvertently hurt some close friends. I added one more boy to the list of people to keep an eye on.
And oh yeah.
Thorog came to visit.
I don't know that I ever managed to properly react to that, and a lot of the reactions are just too personal to put into a
In July, Tho left. I did Otakon, which involved lots of nice things. I continued to hate Columbia. I wrote some nice posts, and some emo posts. I posted one of my favourite pictures, ever, of myself. And that was it, really.
August had a Great Big Important in that it had my birthday party. It was the first time I ever successfully hosted a party of my very own, and I feel that it went quite well, and there was dancing, and cake, and Middleman! And dancing!! Also, California, and Brenton visiting (and *actually* getting another boyfriend, ee!) and mom's birthday. I tried to start a flame war about PB&J.
I also moved away from Columbia. I may visit occasionally. It will never again be home.
The corollary to that was that, as September began, I moved to the Boston area, hopefully permanently. And apparently in September, I had a lot of tiny panic attacks, and wrote about how I dealt with them. This is an example, one that I locked down the comments on. Because some things, I'm sorry, you can't comment on in a way that will satisfy my words. I don't think anyone can.
October had Halloween and the Regency Assembly, and I started babysitting, and HonkFest, all of which were just *lovely!* And it somehow managed to have a preponderance of well written things --not only did I arbitrarily write twelve posts in a day, but I extolled the virtues of one of my favourite songs, had an existential crisis about boy-chasing, and put some serious thought into the pros and cons of dressing male for dance. Yay writing.
November I wrote a novel. Nothing else really mattered or happened.
And December. I'm writing this on the 11th. I'm not really sure I can accurately reexamine the month that's barely a third over.
Cheers, loves.
~Sor
MOOP!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2009-12-27 09:33 am (UTC)I tip my hat to thirteen specific of you, and heaps of others as well.
And for the record, i continue to glee over that one time you IM'd me1 and i was so very distracted and tried to help best as i could and it was just one of those moments that probly din't stand out very much to you, but for me it was one brief shining moment of feeling Good Enough for you. 'Cause you were able to ask me and did. ^_^
1: ..in a bit of a panic over the Thing about the Thing2
2: Man, i'm so glad i found your clone & was made to feel comfortable to talk like that 'cause i wasn't the only one anymore, oslt 3
3: Yeah, i can't remember the specifics anymore4 but that doesn't lessen the Importance to me!
4: Though, i'd probly know 'em if i saw 'em5
5: NTS: Don't write comments to Sor when feverish/ill or the footnotes will totally get out of hand ;p
no subject
on 2009-12-28 06:08 pm (UTC)I, too, had a fear of sex. In some ways I broke up with my first boyfriend partly because we now were 400+ miles away at different schools and partly out of a fear that there was nowhere left along the continuum.
It's only now, probably about 15 years older than you are, that I'm beginning to realize that I want a Life Partner. Anyone with no endpoint was for a long time too scary to contemplate.
Fear of intimacy isn't such a strange thing.