Speaking as a mostly straight, cis-gendered man, it still pisses me off when people don't let me dance with other guys. I've gotten better at politely but assertively refusing when I get offers to be split up, but I honestly don't know how I'd deal with someone insisting on it -- I'm not really a fan of having large confrontations at dances, but I'm also not a fan of stupid people getting their way.
I definitely flirt with other men, too -- attraction is not at all required for flirting in my book.
And while there's a part of me that thinks the theory that beginners will have an easier time learning if they stick to one role makes sense, I've spent enough time dancing at Bryn Mawr, where everyone learns both roles from the get-go, and which produces a lot of good dancers, to think that the available evidence doesn't really bear out that theory. Even if it does work that way for some people, there's no particular reason why some women can't just learn the gentlemen's role instead of the ladies' when they start out.
This is not to say that I don't mostly dance with women, because I do -- I very frequently wind up dancing exclusively with women on any given night (and it also depends on the gender balance to some degree). I'm not even particularly a fan of completely gender-free dancing, because I think labeling the sides that way makes it easy to remember which is where. But I really don't like being told that I have to dance only with women, and the fact that Regency apparently expects such is making me less inclined to try it, which is a little sad. (And I definitely cannot pass in a dress (the woman who called out, "Excuse me, ma'am," two houses down a dark street earlier tonight does not count), at least not a Regency one -- maybe a late Victorian one, with those giant leg of mutton sleeves and lots of corsetry (and a wig), but even so my face and voice would give it away.)
I suppose I could wear my kilt and claim to be a member of the 51st Division, but I don't really think that would fly.
Oh, and I agree on the heatstroke. Fortunately, it is socially acceptable at Scottish balls for the men to remove their jackets after the first dance, though there's still a lot of wool left, even if it is well-ventilated wool.
I am also curious now about how to smile like a girl.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-10-20 04:49 am (UTC)I definitely flirt with other men, too -- attraction is not at all required for flirting in my book.
And while there's a part of me that thinks the theory that beginners will have an easier time learning if they stick to one role makes sense, I've spent enough time dancing at Bryn Mawr, where everyone learns both roles from the get-go, and which produces a lot of good dancers, to think that the available evidence doesn't really bear out that theory. Even if it does work that way for some people, there's no particular reason why some women can't just learn the gentlemen's role instead of the ladies' when they start out.
This is not to say that I don't mostly dance with women, because I do -- I very frequently wind up dancing exclusively with women on any given night (and it also depends on the gender balance to some degree). I'm not even particularly a fan of completely gender-free dancing, because I think labeling the sides that way makes it easy to remember which is where. But I really don't like being told that I have to dance only with women, and the fact that Regency apparently expects such is making me less inclined to try it, which is a little sad. (And I definitely cannot pass in a dress (the woman who called out, "Excuse me, ma'am," two houses down a dark street earlier tonight does not count), at least not a Regency one -- maybe a late Victorian one, with those giant leg of mutton sleeves and lots of corsetry (and a wig), but even so my face and voice would give it away.)
I suppose I could wear my kilt and claim to be a member of the 51st Division, but I don't really think that would fly.
Oh, and I agree on the heatstroke. Fortunately, it is socially acceptable at Scottish balls for the men to remove their jackets after the first dance, though there's still a lot of wool left, even if it is well-ventilated wool.
I am also curious now about how to smile like a girl.