*shrugs* Because I largely am willing to do things long term, but I have enough trouble trusting people on the day to day things. Do you honestly think I could easily just trust someone else to want to be with my fucked up self in the long term?
Keira sweetie, I am painfully insecure, even now, even after being able to say I've gotten significantly better in the last year. I have weird brain things (the denizens), feel more useless than useful when trying to help with tasks (especially cooking, exception dishwashing) and am, well, nineteen, and prone to fits of emo and fits of hyperactivity where I'll suddenly realize just how out there I'm being, and become embarrassed. I'm...not really a desirable long term package.
I still don't always trust that Marc's not going to suddenly come to his senses and break up with me. I still don't always trust that my best friend Veronica isn't suddenly going to come to her senses and stop wanting to hang out with me. I hate to say it, but I think there's really only one person beyond myself who I do trust enough to expect that we could last forever, and she's my goddamn clone --our brainspace reflects off each other in so many other ways, is it any wonder I've been lulled into a sense of security with her?
(And I still get so very jealous when she flirts with other girls. It's stupid, especially as we're both poly, and I don't care, but oh, I am so scared of losing her sometimes.)
Soyeah. I'm willing to try things in the long term. But I've a minor fear of commitment, and I Just Don't Trust People like that. I may want it to be long term, but I'm far too paranoid to ever expect that out of anyone else.
It might be defeatist. It is non-trusting. And this is probably way more behindthewalls than you were looking for.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-02-11 02:39 am (UTC)Keira sweetie, I am painfully insecure, even now, even after being able to say I've gotten significantly better in the last year. I have weird brain things (the denizens), feel more useless than useful when trying to help with tasks (especially cooking, exception dishwashing) and am, well, nineteen, and prone to fits of emo and fits of hyperactivity where I'll suddenly realize just how out there I'm being, and become embarrassed. I'm...not really a desirable long term package.
I still don't always trust that Marc's not going to suddenly come to his senses and break up with me. I still don't always trust that my best friend Veronica isn't suddenly going to come to her senses and stop wanting to hang out with me. I hate to say it, but I think there's really only one person beyond myself who I do trust enough to expect that we could last forever, and she's my goddamn clone --our brainspace reflects off each other in so many other ways, is it any wonder I've been lulled into a sense of security with her?
(And I still get so very jealous when she flirts with other girls. It's stupid, especially as we're both poly, and I don't care, but oh, I am so scared of losing her sometimes.)
Soyeah. I'm willing to try things in the long term. But I've a minor fear of commitment, and I Just Don't Trust People like that. I may want it to be long term, but I'm far too paranoid to ever expect that out of anyone else.
It might be defeatist. It is non-trusting. And this is probably way more behindthewalls than you were looking for.
~Sor