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Sep. 5th, 2005 09:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressCurrent Music:One Song to describe my feelings as I wrote this? I'm not sure it's been written yet.
Eric/MacaroniandTuna:
Question: Did you get the idea for MOOP from The Burning Man Festival? I was jumping around on Wikipedia earlier and found this. Check out the paragraph titled "Leave No Trace" under the heading "Primary Focus of the Festival." Sounds like an appropriate description to me. ;-D
Me:
If I got it from there, it was a purely unconcious thing, I assure you.
Although, letting my brain switch around with the idea of Matter Out Of Place, it gets some interesting ideas. Hmm...
I shall work on this elsewhere...*stalks off*
~Sor
Eric again:
Yep, that's what I was thinking of. Matter=gray matter=your brain.
Lemme know what your work yields.
Eric: Less the grey matter, more the out of placeness of it all.
The stuff you'll be wanting to look at is probably near the bottom.
Matter Out Of Place: MOOP
But is it truly out of place? Or is it that *I'm* out of place.
Lets start with this: The relationships between me and MOOP!, and MOOP! and the rest of the world (TRotW) The relationship between me and MOOP! is the more complex of the two, as MOOP! is one of the potrayals of my world and feelings. Things that happen to me can have a direct effect on MOOP!. Things that happen on MOOP! DO have a direct effect on me.
An Example: Malice.
There was a point last yearabouts where I was consistently chatting with both OtherKat and Kyu. It was during one of these chats where Alis returned, and promptly got into a fight with Kyu's charecter* Malice. Malice was completely convinced that Alis had stolen his name (This was before I had discovered the proper spelling of Alis's name...she was still M.Alice, not M.Alis) He was dead certain about this, but dead wrong.
They fought.
Alis is strong, but she was new fledged at that point and her reactions were slow. I might want to add that Malice's idea of fighting involves a lot of power, and a lot of force. Easily enough power to demolish a planet.
Or half as it turned out. Melted, charred, completely dead. I was strong enough to stop it before the damage was completely irrepairable, and I sent Alis away, supposedly for good.
There. Going through. Reading old chatlogs.
Reawakening old pains.
Dammit. Shit! I forgot how much that hurt.
But I digress. MOOP!. If something...catastrophic happens to MOOP!, it can, and will, offset my entire state of mind, essentially breaking me down, pushing me into a more vulnerable position towards everything. Thats what happened when Malice attacked MOOP!. My entire world shattered for a moment, and I fell.
If not for Gabe...it's always been his job to drag me back up out of the pit.
And if not for Alis. It's become her job to keep me from hitting rock bottom, and more importantly, to keep me from having to face Her. Her, that shadowy demon, comprised of self-doubts and self hatred. And what happens, is when MOOP! becomes weaker, She becomes stronger.
So MOOP! affects me, yes. Strongly.
Another Example: The fanfic.
Something OtherKat's been writing. For the two of us, and for her best friend Amanda. We return to MOOP!. Only theres a problem, with the timestream. I thought I was gone for a week.
3. Million. years.
It's scary, how much effect the planet has on me, in a story, a peice of fiction! I *know* MOOP! has never gotten to the state featured in the story, and I know it'll never reach that point.
But it scared me. Oh gods, did it scare me.
And because it was MOOP!, and because it had become...imperfect, it hit me harder then it should have. I became weaker then I should have, no, not for long, a few minutes at most.
But it was there. That fear, that fall.
Now. Onto the second part of this relationship, how I affect MOOP!.
Oddly, I do not seem to be able to effect MOOP! in any negitive ways, save the inevitable daydreams and story fragments that always happen to everything.
My only effects are positive, and caused by positive happenings in my life.
MOOP! repaired itself. Some. I went through what started as a very good, but ended as a verrrrrrry bad relationship** almost immediately after Malice broke the place. Somehow, MOOP! didn't heal.
And I say "somehow" in that jokingly naive sort of way. I know exactly why MOOP! didn't heal. I had no way to heal it. My world was falling down around my ears, and I was too deliriously "in love" to notice, or even TRY to fix it. I am, at my most basic, a very weak creation, I only try to be strong, and when that fails, project strength to myself, most oft in the form of Alis.
But.
Summer came. Summer brought freedom, and relaxation, and internet acess. Oh God, did it ever bring internet acess. But most importantly, this summer introduced a purely positive factor into my life, and that, above everything else, has given me the strangth and power to repair MOOP!. I am talking, of course, about my girlfriend, she has, somehow, helped to stabalize me. I worry about this, when I have the time or the proper mood, I've long since figured out that having my emotional stability supported by one, perhaps two people is not the way to go. In retrospect, I do belive that I've drawn myself out into the real world enough to remove that singleminded stability, and I am, attempting at least, to hold it by myself.
So, with long term positive factors, MOOP! can heal, and strengthen itself. It can also become stronger if I spend time thinking about it, and reinforcing its evershifting surface.
Now. MOOP! in respect to teh rest of the world.
The rest of the world CAN affect MOOP!, as seen above with Malice. When I enter into cyberspace, most of my transactions take place on a narrow bit of world that is MOOP!. Almost any chat, especially if I IM you, takes place on MOOP!, and actions that would affect the world we're in, effects MOOP!.
MOOP! can also be stolen from me, and spun into a fictional world of your own. This is what happened with OtherKat, and there are VERY few others who I would be willing to give MOOP! to. Maybe noone, from the moment I discivered she was playing with my planet, I've been worried, and, in truth, a tad scared of what she was doing. But I have her promise that MOOP! will return as good or better then she took it.
Onto Matter Out Of Place.
Oddly, I do not belive that MOOP! is in any way out of place. It's been, God, maybe as few as two years, but MOOP!, to me, is eternal, something I've always had, and always will have. MOOP! belongs in the backpaths in my brain, it is a part of me, as much as anything I've created and more so. To lose it, would be...unthinkable. To lose it would be to lose myself.
Oddly, I think it is *ME* who is the one out of place. I have always, always had trouble accepting who I am, and ALWAYS had trouble with fitting in with the rest of the world. I do not belong here. I do good here, a healer, a defender, and in general, Me, but I do not actually belong in this crazy world we call Earth. I belong in my dreamworlds, places cast out of daydreams and thoughts, the places that I have projected into my mind and my world, the realms which I have created. I do not belong, I am the one who is out of place.
No, no this does not mean that I will try to leave. I've had this conversation before, when I tried to get it all to leave. I was scared then, scared that if I let it, my entire mind would sweep me up and away and bury me far away where nothing in the real world could effect me any more. I tried to cast it away, tried to be the only one in my mind.
Tried.
I doubt it lasted half an hour. Rin is too strong, MOOP! is too strong, my creations are too strong.
And now I know, I will not get sucked into my worlds without severe effort on my part. I have anchors, strong ones, and many the same as those that keep me from falling back into my pit. I make ties, relationships, friendships with people, beings of this real life world, and I know that if i were to receed fully into my realms, I would have to leave them all behind.
And that, Iwouldcould never do.
And dream worlds become boring after a time. Everything happens as you decree it, there are no surprised, and nothing ever changes. The real world is better.
So thats what it is. MOOP!: Matter Out Of Place. It's not though. I am.
And I like it that way. Half out of the real world, half in, it's an interesting place to be. So here I am, and here I'll stay.
Thank you.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
*For the purpose of this entry, charecter is used to represent any sentient being living inside someones mind, regardless of how real or created they are.
**Said relationship has since straightened itself out, to turn into a friendship. And I'm happy about that friendship.
However, She knows all my triggers, and She cannot always be trusted to leave my heart alone.
Eric/MacaroniandTuna:
Question: Did you get the idea for MOOP from The Burning Man Festival? I was jumping around on Wikipedia earlier and found this. Check out the paragraph titled "Leave No Trace" under the heading "Primary Focus of the Festival." Sounds like an appropriate description to me. ;-D
Me:
If I got it from there, it was a purely unconcious thing, I assure you.
Although, letting my brain switch around with the idea of Matter Out Of Place, it gets some interesting ideas. Hmm...
I shall work on this elsewhere...*stalks off*
~Sor
Eric again:
Yep, that's what I was thinking of. Matter=gray matter=your brain.
Lemme know what your work yields.
Eric: Less the grey matter, more the out of placeness of it all.
The stuff you'll be wanting to look at is probably near the bottom.
Matter Out Of Place: MOOP
But is it truly out of place? Or is it that *I'm* out of place.
Lets start with this: The relationships between me and MOOP!, and MOOP! and the rest of the world (TRotW) The relationship between me and MOOP! is the more complex of the two, as MOOP! is one of the potrayals of my world and feelings. Things that happen to me can have a direct effect on MOOP!. Things that happen on MOOP! DO have a direct effect on me.
An Example: Malice.
There was a point last yearabouts where I was consistently chatting with both OtherKat and Kyu. It was during one of these chats where Alis returned, and promptly got into a fight with Kyu's charecter* Malice. Malice was completely convinced that Alis had stolen his name (This was before I had discovered the proper spelling of Alis's name...she was still M.Alice, not M.Alis) He was dead certain about this, but dead wrong.
They fought.
Alis is strong, but she was new fledged at that point and her reactions were slow. I might want to add that Malice's idea of fighting involves a lot of power, and a lot of force. Easily enough power to demolish a planet.
Or half as it turned out. Melted, charred, completely dead. I was strong enough to stop it before the damage was completely irrepairable, and I sent Alis away, supposedly for good.
There. Going through. Reading old chatlogs.
Reawakening old pains.
Dammit. Shit! I forgot how much that hurt.
But I digress. MOOP!. If something...catastrophic happens to MOOP!, it can, and will, offset my entire state of mind, essentially breaking me down, pushing me into a more vulnerable position towards everything. Thats what happened when Malice attacked MOOP!. My entire world shattered for a moment, and I fell.
If not for Gabe...it's always been his job to drag me back up out of the pit.
And if not for Alis. It's become her job to keep me from hitting rock bottom, and more importantly, to keep me from having to face Her. Her, that shadowy demon, comprised of self-doubts and self hatred. And what happens, is when MOOP! becomes weaker, She becomes stronger.
So MOOP! affects me, yes. Strongly.
Another Example: The fanfic.
Something OtherKat's been writing. For the two of us, and for her best friend Amanda. We return to MOOP!. Only theres a problem, with the timestream. I thought I was gone for a week.
3. Million. years.
It's scary, how much effect the planet has on me, in a story, a peice of fiction! I *know* MOOP! has never gotten to the state featured in the story, and I know it'll never reach that point.
But it scared me. Oh gods, did it scare me.
And because it was MOOP!, and because it had become...imperfect, it hit me harder then it should have. I became weaker then I should have, no, not for long, a few minutes at most.
But it was there. That fear, that fall.
Now. Onto the second part of this relationship, how I affect MOOP!.
Oddly, I do not seem to be able to effect MOOP! in any negitive ways, save the inevitable daydreams and story fragments that always happen to everything.
My only effects are positive, and caused by positive happenings in my life.
MOOP! repaired itself. Some. I went through what started as a very good, but ended as a verrrrrrry bad relationship** almost immediately after Malice broke the place. Somehow, MOOP! didn't heal.
And I say "somehow" in that jokingly naive sort of way. I know exactly why MOOP! didn't heal. I had no way to heal it. My world was falling down around my ears, and I was too deliriously "in love" to notice, or even TRY to fix it. I am, at my most basic, a very weak creation, I only try to be strong, and when that fails, project strength to myself, most oft in the form of Alis.
But.
Summer came. Summer brought freedom, and relaxation, and internet acess. Oh God, did it ever bring internet acess. But most importantly, this summer introduced a purely positive factor into my life, and that, above everything else, has given me the strangth and power to repair MOOP!. I am talking, of course, about my girlfriend, she has, somehow, helped to stabalize me. I worry about this, when I have the time or the proper mood, I've long since figured out that having my emotional stability supported by one, perhaps two people is not the way to go. In retrospect, I do belive that I've drawn myself out into the real world enough to remove that singleminded stability, and I am, attempting at least, to hold it by myself.
So, with long term positive factors, MOOP! can heal, and strengthen itself. It can also become stronger if I spend time thinking about it, and reinforcing its evershifting surface.
Now. MOOP! in respect to teh rest of the world.
The rest of the world CAN affect MOOP!, as seen above with Malice. When I enter into cyberspace, most of my transactions take place on a narrow bit of world that is MOOP!. Almost any chat, especially if I IM you, takes place on MOOP!, and actions that would affect the world we're in, effects MOOP!.
MOOP! can also be stolen from me, and spun into a fictional world of your own. This is what happened with OtherKat, and there are VERY few others who I would be willing to give MOOP! to. Maybe noone, from the moment I discivered she was playing with my planet, I've been worried, and, in truth, a tad scared of what she was doing. But I have her promise that MOOP! will return as good or better then she took it.
Onto Matter Out Of Place.
Oddly, I do not belive that MOOP! is in any way out of place. It's been, God, maybe as few as two years, but MOOP!, to me, is eternal, something I've always had, and always will have. MOOP! belongs in the backpaths in my brain, it is a part of me, as much as anything I've created and more so. To lose it, would be...unthinkable. To lose it would be to lose myself.
Oddly, I think it is *ME* who is the one out of place. I have always, always had trouble accepting who I am, and ALWAYS had trouble with fitting in with the rest of the world. I do not belong here. I do good here, a healer, a defender, and in general, Me, but I do not actually belong in this crazy world we call Earth. I belong in my dreamworlds, places cast out of daydreams and thoughts, the places that I have projected into my mind and my world, the realms which I have created. I do not belong, I am the one who is out of place.
No, no this does not mean that I will try to leave. I've had this conversation before, when I tried to get it all to leave. I was scared then, scared that if I let it, my entire mind would sweep me up and away and bury me far away where nothing in the real world could effect me any more. I tried to cast it away, tried to be the only one in my mind.
Tried.
I doubt it lasted half an hour. Rin is too strong, MOOP! is too strong, my creations are too strong.
And now I know, I will not get sucked into my worlds without severe effort on my part. I have anchors, strong ones, and many the same as those that keep me from falling back into my pit. I make ties, relationships, friendships with people, beings of this real life world, and I know that if i were to receed fully into my realms, I would have to leave them all behind.
And that, I
And dream worlds become boring after a time. Everything happens as you decree it, there are no surprised, and nothing ever changes. The real world is better.
So thats what it is. MOOP!: Matter Out Of Place. It's not though. I am.
And I like it that way. Half out of the real world, half in, it's an interesting place to be. So here I am, and here I'll stay.
Thank you.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
*For the purpose of this entry, charecter is used to represent any sentient being living inside someones mind, regardless of how real or created they are.
**Said relationship has since straightened itself out, to turn into a friendship. And I'm happy about that friendship.
However, She knows all my triggers, and She cannot always be trusted to leave my heart alone.
