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Mar. 24th, 2008 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressWrote a hella long, highly whiny, BtW entry in between taking notes during maths class. Knowledge gained (and somewhat expanded on here) is this:
*Sorcy needs to eat. No, not even eat more, eat. My total consumption on Friday was a muffin, a bottle of apple juice, and four cookies. I didn't realize this until Saturday, on which I got some food --breakfast, real dinner, and a granola bar for lunch. Yesterday I got a little bit of breakfast, a granola bar, and a minimal amount of dinner at like...four.
Today's not been much better. Woo, part of a muffin and more apple juice. I don't mean to not eat, I've just been resoundingly not hungry. Sigh.
*Sorcy needs to figure out what she's doing wrong in regards to sleeping, and fix it. I've been getting about as much sleep as usual, it's just been resoundingly not restful, and I do not know why. I suspect it either ties in with every other thing on this list, or is because I have not been counting hours and trying to wake up with my sleep cycle. (ie, making sure I go to bed 4.5, 6, 7.5, 9, or 10.5 hours before I plan to wake up.) Maybe both.
*Sorcy needs to stop having rough hormonal changes that make her various degrees of moody. I don't know how to fix this without growing a wiener.
*Sorcy needs to gain some amount of confidence. Real confidence, I mean, and not my usual zaphodic levels of sheer ego. I need to be less dependent on what other people think of me, and much less dependent the basis for how good I feel about myself being how much other people like me. I also need to be able to handle the fact that people like other people and that doesn't mean they like me any less, it means they like other people. (I'm usually quite good at this, I'm not sure quite why I'm having so much trouble with it at the moment --perhaps because there are at least two clear cases of it right now, both very recent and shiny?)
*Sorcy needs to not be sick. Which, to all outward appearences, she isn't. But I suspect that I'm at a point where the only thing keeping me healthy is my deepset stubbornness. Sheer force of will is yay?
*Sorcy needs to not be around people for a while. Or rather, to only be around a very (very!) small subset of the population. Unfortunately...
*Sory needs to spend more time with her friends. Since, I mean, I haven't seen Dominik since before spring break. I've only seen Ria in the context of stolen minutes from AnimeBoston. I've spent barely any time whatsoever with Lauren and Emily, and I'm not sure I've spent any time at all with Milo. And hell, Grace and I have barely seen each other in a week.
*Sorcy needs to not stress about things beyond her control. To wit, that I'm not ruining anybody's relationships. I'm not, if I start, than the people in said hypothetical relationships will tell me that I need to stop doing x and I will stop, and then everything will be happy again and we'll all be friends.
*Sorcy needs to stop feeling guilty for having negative emotions. No really. I'm allowed to feel jealous of situations, I'm allowed to feel frustrated, I'm allowed to feel depressed, I'm allowed to feel antisocial. I don't have to be smiles and sunshine all the time, indeed, I don't even have to pretend I am. I just need to make sure that I do not act on these feelings in a way that I will regret. But seriously, love, I'm allowed to be unhappy, 'kay?
*Above all, Sorcy needs to remember the...second? Second* Rule: "You are the most important person in your life."
Yep. 'sall the emo you get for now.
~Sor
MOOP!
*I think it's second. I wrote out several of the rules, in an arbitrary numbering sense a couple days ago. The only ones I remember are the First Rule (Avoid Stupidity) and the Fourth Rule (Boys are the stupidest thing to fight over, so are girls) (This rule is actually starting to fall out of vogue, now that I'm past high school.) I'm pretty sure the eighth rule was that "If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight."
"You are the most important person in your life" would be the first rule if Avoid Stupidity wasn't so strongly a part of my upbringing. (Although, if it's going by what was the first rule earliest, the first rule really ought to be "Do not touch mommy's desk")
*Sorcy needs to eat. No, not even eat more, eat. My total consumption on Friday was a muffin, a bottle of apple juice, and four cookies. I didn't realize this until Saturday, on which I got some food --breakfast, real dinner, and a granola bar for lunch. Yesterday I got a little bit of breakfast, a granola bar, and a minimal amount of dinner at like...four.
Today's not been much better. Woo, part of a muffin and more apple juice. I don't mean to not eat, I've just been resoundingly not hungry. Sigh.
*Sorcy needs to figure out what she's doing wrong in regards to sleeping, and fix it. I've been getting about as much sleep as usual, it's just been resoundingly not restful, and I do not know why. I suspect it either ties in with every other thing on this list, or is because I have not been counting hours and trying to wake up with my sleep cycle. (ie, making sure I go to bed 4.5, 6, 7.5, 9, or 10.5 hours before I plan to wake up.) Maybe both.
*Sorcy needs to stop having rough hormonal changes that make her various degrees of moody. I don't know how to fix this without growing a wiener.
*Sorcy needs to gain some amount of confidence. Real confidence, I mean, and not my usual zaphodic levels of sheer ego. I need to be less dependent on what other people think of me, and much less dependent the basis for how good I feel about myself being how much other people like me. I also need to be able to handle the fact that people like other people and that doesn't mean they like me any less, it means they like other people. (I'm usually quite good at this, I'm not sure quite why I'm having so much trouble with it at the moment --perhaps because there are at least two clear cases of it right now, both very recent and shiny?)
*Sorcy needs to not be sick. Which, to all outward appearences, she isn't. But I suspect that I'm at a point where the only thing keeping me healthy is my deepset stubbornness. Sheer force of will is yay?
*Sorcy needs to not be around people for a while. Or rather, to only be around a very (very!) small subset of the population. Unfortunately...
*Sory needs to spend more time with her friends. Since, I mean, I haven't seen Dominik since before spring break. I've only seen Ria in the context of stolen minutes from AnimeBoston. I've spent barely any time whatsoever with Lauren and Emily, and I'm not sure I've spent any time at all with Milo. And hell, Grace and I have barely seen each other in a week.
*Sorcy needs to not stress about things beyond her control. To wit, that I'm not ruining anybody's relationships. I'm not, if I start, than the people in said hypothetical relationships will tell me that I need to stop doing x and I will stop, and then everything will be happy again and we'll all be friends.
*Sorcy needs to stop feeling guilty for having negative emotions. No really. I'm allowed to feel jealous of situations, I'm allowed to feel frustrated, I'm allowed to feel depressed, I'm allowed to feel antisocial. I don't have to be smiles and sunshine all the time, indeed, I don't even have to pretend I am. I just need to make sure that I do not act on these feelings in a way that I will regret. But seriously, love, I'm allowed to be unhappy, 'kay?
*Above all, Sorcy needs to remember the...second? Second* Rule: "You are the most important person in your life."
Yep. 'sall the emo you get for now.
~Sor
MOOP!
*I think it's second. I wrote out several of the rules, in an arbitrary numbering sense a couple days ago. The only ones I remember are the First Rule (Avoid Stupidity) and the Fourth Rule (Boys are the stupidest thing to fight over, so are girls) (This rule is actually starting to fall out of vogue, now that I'm past high school.) I'm pretty sure the eighth rule was that "If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight."
"You are the most important person in your life" would be the first rule if Avoid Stupidity wasn't so strongly a part of my upbringing. (Although, if it's going by what was the first rule earliest, the first rule really ought to be "Do not touch mommy's desk")