(no subject)

Accomplishments:

Work:
*None! It's Saturday! Very happy about this!

Social:
*Went to Todd's surprise birthday and hung out at the adventure pub and gave him a hug and played some board games and talked with nice people.
*Got to teach Red7 to some people, which is sorta my thing (I looooove teaching games)
*To and from candidate class was getting a ride from my friend Karen and having lovely friendly talks in the car about all sorts of nice things
*Post candidate class most of us went to the pub and had a *really* lovely time getting a whole heap of appetizers and sharing them around with everyone. I was sitting right across from Dirk, and the two of us spent a bunch of time talking shop around teaching, and all the conversation was lively and fun and I'm very happy about my dance friends.

Body:
*Nine hours sleep! No anxiety dreams!
*I had a Very Nice Morning with Austin and that was lovely
*I ate many appetizers, and little cheesy-rolls (pao de queijo) from the Brazilian bakery near my house, and there was cider and salami and cheese at candidate class, and chocolate cake and food is great!
*DANCING! Lots of dancing

Dance:
*Wrote my lesson for candidate class. At the end of everything, Susie-mentor told me that it was an exam-ready lesson plan. The bad news is that she also said she expects all the rest of mine to be this good, the good news is...nailed it!
*Taught at Candidate Class and I did SO GOOD! I had an admittedly weird dance (Mairi's Fancy, bk28), but I was able to break out the really weird reels without too much trouble, and I did such a good setup I didn't have to spend much time at all on the dance proper and I worked in allll the suggestions for posture and handing and sociability and covering at various good points and ee! Now just cross your fingers for me that this turns out to be (by a total stroke of luck) my actual assignment, because you bet your ass I'll just do everything exactly the same.

Personal:
*Some good stuff from my dumb little phone game, always nice
*Did the emails! It's a weird habit to try and push back into, but I'm happy I've done it a whopping five days in a row. :p
*Day 141 of writing at least 750words
*Also the fifth day in a row of writing an accomplishments list! I'm hoping to go the whole week, then I can bring them to my therapist on Tuesday and we can talk about next steps for making brain and body healthier.

Tomorrow's big goal is to CLEAN MY FUCKING ROOM because there's at least three things explicitly lost within it that I need to find. Also because I was scanning a document ranking levels of hoarderism and one of the warning signs was "inability to use features of the house (doors, windows, etc) and that made me incredibly depressed because you can't actually easily get to either window of my room right now. Or my closet. It's been that way for a couple months. I'm...yeah.

(please don't leave any comments about this, although you can leave general positive vibes for room cleaning).

Hope you're having a Good Day as well!

~Sor
MOOP!

Stomp those weasels, for your friends, for yourself

Today I had two separate friends call me out, at different points, for my brainweasels being shifty.

choco_frosh overheard me describe myself as generally terrible at Highland while we were walking from Advent to Old North, and gave me a warning. I am...lightly willing to concede that one --I mean, Highland is a hobby I have worked at with varying degrees of enthusiasm for something like four years now. It's also not something I'm at all innately talented at, and it is only with a lot of hard work and repetition that I have gotten anywhere close to where I am now with it. And where I am is Highly Unpolished, but able to hack my way through maybe as many as a dozen different dances, and that's genuinely pretty neat. So yeah. I am not great at Highland in the framework of specifically Highland Dancers. But I am generally good at this genuinely difficult dance form that I have practiced and more importantly, describing myself as not-good is bad for me (obvious) and bad for the greater community ("oh shit, if that's what bad looks like I must be _horrible_")

Much later in the day, after all the room-cleaning I'm gonna talk about in today's Accomplishments post (I did a _lot_) I said something vague and morose to ezricatte about not having enough progress. And they just...stopped me right there and said, "no, you did a lot of work today and you should be proud of that without qualifiers".

And yeah. Damnit, that is so hard for me to work out in my brain, still. I can have an amazingly productive day, and come to the end of it and feel like *total* shit because it wasn't enough (it is literally impossible for it to have been enough) and because I didn't do anything on all the days prior.

My less-than-good days in the past do not negate the good day right now. They just _don't_. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

So yeah. In general, please feel free to call me out when I'm talking about myself in a way that you wouldn't let me talk about you (or someone else). I do try really hard to cut down the shitty negative talk (Patrick Verona is a role model and we should all look in the mirror each day and remind ourselves that we are amazingly self-assured.) but it's hard and I'm not perfect.

Thanks, friends!

~Sor
MOOP!

(no subject)

Accomplishments:

Work:
*None, still the weekend.

Bells:
*First time back to ringing in over two weeks! So that alone is pretty good.
*Austin said my ringing down at Advent was pretty good, which I brushed off at the time, but should take and acknowledge as best I can (which is not well, compliments on ringing are _very_ difficult).
*Rang Plain Bob Major inside, possibly for the first time. Danielle standing at my shoulder was mostly helpful, but needed to better specify the best kind of help she could give me. I did...okay. Not great, but acceptable.
*Got Weird And Anxious(tm) by the end of bells and actually debated fucking off and skipping sociallunch entirely, but pushed through and went and had a good time.

Social:
*Aforementioned bellslunch was really nice, and it was great to see Emily, who we have poached back from NJ (sorry Magus and ShieldToad). Special shoutout to having really nice chats while walking and at lunch with Leland, who I have decided is definitely Quality People.
*Also Leland invited me to potentially come to England for part of my summer and join him and Leah(<3) and another Northampton bellsfriend on their ringing tour, which culminates at a little three day ringing intensive event that sounds...really cool actually. The logistics around this are fucking *terrifying*, especially given [secret project], but that would be super appealing. Note to self, email Leland to remind me the name of the thing and send details. BAM DONE.
*Ezri came over and sat on my bed and made me dinner and that is a GREAT THING. We chatted and goofed off and ate good food and I like them so much and am glad that we've been trying/managing to be more in touch lately.

Cleaning:
*Dang I did a lot, and I'm proud of myself. Seriously, I did about five hours worth of work on my room, which is not nearly enough a good progress! Specifics include:
**Two loads of laundry, wash dry and put away.
**Quick-and-dirty skim of the bookshelves to pull off stuff that doesn't spark joy...and leaving myself enough space to actually put all the books back on it, so I no longer have like three extra piles on the floor. They're haphazard and disorganized, but still there.
**Picked up the entire stretch of my floor from door to window
**Can I point out that that includes sorting out the clothing that's been living on the floor ever since my spare garment rack broke like...a month (two? Longer?) ago. And now all my clothes are hung up again!
**And they're all hung up in either the closet or the ballgown closet! I condensed the space real carefully, so even though I have a spare garment rack, it's not set up, and now there's extra space in my room!
**Ezri did a huge amount of helping me go through all the Random Bags Of Food that have accumulated in my room, which were mostly the dregs of the last long time of Graze boxen. Like...year or two long time. Some got thrown away, and some got collected by Ezri to offer to coworkers (with full disclosure of source)
**While they worked on that, I washed the dishes that had accumulated in my room over the last two months (thankfully not much, only like six tupperwares or so), cleaned off my pantry shelf and put back only the things I will actually eventually eat, and ditto my fridge shelf. Which included cleaning out some Truly Terrifying tupperware with the remains of the apple crisp Austin and I made at Thanksgiving I have been the worst this winter, jegus.
**Since they can't live at the bottom of the garment rack anymore, sheets and towels got put away back in underbed storage bins (where there was plenty of space) and blankets got put back up into the top of the closet.
**Then I did a skim of my toybox, and threw away a handful of things ("but reuse" yeah, but I'm being euphemistic when I say toys and *no*) and put away properly the stuff that'd gotten out.
**AND I cleaned up and organized my bedside table/shelves, which I haven't done in forevvvvver. You can see a Before/After shot on twitter.

Personal:
*Also did emails
*Was floppy for a little while with dumb phone games which was nice
*Day 142 of words
*Gonna go to sleep late, whups.
*Happy snuggly morning with pretty boy is good!

*thump, sleep, goodnight!*

~Sor
MOOP!