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Sleeping together, sleeping alone
Sep. 8th, 2017 05:35 pmAbout three years ago, give or take a month, Sparr moved away from Boston. At that point, we'd been living together for about a year, and staying in each other's beds1 probably...three quarters of the nights?
So it's been three years, give or take a month, since I had the particular relationship dynamic of sharing a bed more often than not. Everything since then's been feast or famine --long stretches of sleeping alone2 interrupted by having a partner in town for a sudden enjoyable week or two.
("Don't you have a boyfriend in Boston, Kat?" Well yes, Terrapin lives less than ten miles away. But he is married (happily!) to an exceptional woman, and the way our dynamics run, he stays with her most nights. We average about twice a month, and it's awesome, but not what I'm really talking about here.)
I can handle sleeping alone, I really can. I mean, my entire life has been a run towards independence (towards freedom)3, and being able to be happy with myself alone4 is no small part of that.
But I have kissed the same boy at least once every day this past week. I've stayed in his bed and he's stayed in mine (and who knows what'll happen tomorrow). Twice this week, I've woken up alongside a pretty smile and a long lithe body and gotten to tuck them back to bed as I head off to work.
For the first time in three years, I might5 become entangled with someone who I can wake up next to on the regular and oh my _gods_ have I missed it6. I am a feral creature, yes, but I also crave touch7 like water, and waking up in someone else's arms is exquisite.
My life is unfairly exceptionally good right now. I hope I can make it continue.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: I shared a bedroom for four years of my life in college, and never anytime else. I strongly believe that every person deserves a space of their own, that they can decorate and clutter and have. When poly, this often translates to separate bedrooms, but for god's sakes, at least an office or a sewing room or a workshop or a loft?
(I recognize that the world sucks in multiple directions that make this largely impossible, because fuck you capitalism. I still think everyone should have this.)
2: I mean, I have put exceptional work into having a Fucking Amazing set-up for sleeping alone. Heated blanket under the sheets, weighted blanket above them, and like...so many pillows and other blankets. My bed is awesome and I love it. I genuinely sleep warm all winter long, and that is the _best_.
3: Access to blank pages and no one to judge you for what you put on them, a bicycle and no one to worry if you're home late, a room of one's own where you can shut the door and crank the music and put whatever the hell you want on the walls.
The ability to love who I want, when I want, and largely how I want3a, on terms dictated only by the two of us and no one else.
3a: The flipside of freedom is security, and I am not willing to sacrifice the goodwill of my other partners to truly do Whatever The Hell I Want. Mostly it's risk factors about disease transmission, if you're polyish, you probably know the drill.
4: This is an interesting word to consider, because I have been dating at least one person since the start of January 2008...and at least two people since the end of January 2008. Not necessarily the same people (well, mek), but I've had at *least* two partners for almost ten years now. Often more. I have spent a grand total of 31 days as a single legal adult4a.
I assume I'd be able to be good alone? But I'm not exactly desperate to break it all off and try to be actually single for a change.
4a: Hm, and I think I spent several of them sharing a bed with someone lovely, SO LIKE YEEEEAHHH okay.
5: WORDS MATTER. WRITING THINGS MAKES THEM REAL IN WEIRD WAYS. Or in other words, I can't write that he's my partner without that being confirmed, because I don't want to change the truth of the world without having that conversation with him first.
6: The small things you never forget, like an eyes-still-closed Magus smiling when I bend to kiss him goodbye in the morning.
7: Well, I mean, this is complicated. But if you are a person I actively want to touch, I probably want to be touching you more often than not. I mean, like, I'd happily hold hands with people more often during conversations and stuff, except that's probably Weird.
So it's been three years, give or take a month, since I had the particular relationship dynamic of sharing a bed more often than not. Everything since then's been feast or famine --long stretches of sleeping alone2 interrupted by having a partner in town for a sudden enjoyable week or two.
("Don't you have a boyfriend in Boston, Kat?" Well yes, Terrapin lives less than ten miles away. But he is married (happily!) to an exceptional woman, and the way our dynamics run, he stays with her most nights. We average about twice a month, and it's awesome, but not what I'm really talking about here.)
I can handle sleeping alone, I really can. I mean, my entire life has been a run towards independence (towards freedom)3, and being able to be happy with myself alone4 is no small part of that.
But I have kissed the same boy at least once every day this past week. I've stayed in his bed and he's stayed in mine (and who knows what'll happen tomorrow). Twice this week, I've woken up alongside a pretty smile and a long lithe body and gotten to tuck them back to bed as I head off to work.
For the first time in three years, I might5 become entangled with someone who I can wake up next to on the regular and oh my _gods_ have I missed it6. I am a feral creature, yes, but I also crave touch7 like water, and waking up in someone else's arms is exquisite.
My life is unfairly exceptionally good right now. I hope I can make it continue.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: I shared a bedroom for four years of my life in college, and never anytime else. I strongly believe that every person deserves a space of their own, that they can decorate and clutter and have. When poly, this often translates to separate bedrooms, but for god's sakes, at least an office or a sewing room or a workshop or a loft?
(I recognize that the world sucks in multiple directions that make this largely impossible, because fuck you capitalism. I still think everyone should have this.)
2: I mean, I have put exceptional work into having a Fucking Amazing set-up for sleeping alone. Heated blanket under the sheets, weighted blanket above them, and like...so many pillows and other blankets. My bed is awesome and I love it. I genuinely sleep warm all winter long, and that is the _best_.
3: Access to blank pages and no one to judge you for what you put on them, a bicycle and no one to worry if you're home late, a room of one's own where you can shut the door and crank the music and put whatever the hell you want on the walls.
The ability to love who I want, when I want, and largely how I want3a, on terms dictated only by the two of us and no one else.
3a: The flipside of freedom is security, and I am not willing to sacrifice the goodwill of my other partners to truly do Whatever The Hell I Want. Mostly it's risk factors about disease transmission, if you're polyish, you probably know the drill.
4: This is an interesting word to consider, because I have been dating at least one person since the start of January 2008...and at least two people since the end of January 2008. Not necessarily the same people (well, mek), but I've had at *least* two partners for almost ten years now. Often more. I have spent a grand total of 31 days as a single legal adult4a.
I assume I'd be able to be good alone? But I'm not exactly desperate to break it all off and try to be actually single for a change.
4a: Hm, and I think I spent several of them sharing a bed with someone lovely, SO LIKE YEEEEAHHH okay.
5: WORDS MATTER. WRITING THINGS MAKES THEM REAL IN WEIRD WAYS. Or in other words, I can't write that he's my partner without that being confirmed, because I don't want to change the truth of the world without having that conversation with him first.
6: The small things you never forget, like an eyes-still-closed Magus smiling when I bend to kiss him goodbye in the morning.
7: Well, I mean, this is complicated. But if you are a person I actively want to touch, I probably want to be touching you more often than not. I mean, like, I'd happily hold hands with people more often during conversations and stuff, except that's probably Weird.