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Dates, and some associated memories.
Jun. 17th, 2009 05:10 pm2007 03 30: The last time I felt like this was more than two years ago. And when the anxieties got to be too much, and the worry and the fear, and the irrational "Well, what if e hates me?" boiled over, I had arms to fall into, and a shoulder to cry on.
The next ten days were really really good, but I cried a lot.
Two years later, I still cry a lot. Different reasons, same root cause. "It's okay, I'm over it." she lied.
2006 03 25: I couldn't tell you the date I met him, but well over three years ago was when we stopped being acquaintances and started becoming friends. He saw me as a challenge, I saw him as far enough away to be safe to trust.
Instead I'll just IM you randomly when you're on to encourage you to open up.
...okay. You call it a geas, I call it...I don't know, actually. Maybe one of the best things to ever happen to me? A reason to own a camera and know about time zones and to stay up very late on the computer?
2007 08 15: I can't remember if I knew what you told me about myself prior to this, or not. Maybe I knew it, but had never heard it said. Words have power, sometimes it's important to say them aloud.
But you told me one of my flaws -that I wouldn't fight back when people were upset with me, that I would let myself take the blame. Maybe that's why I started to fix that, started to try and remember what was good for *me* and not just what was good for the rest of the world.
2007 03 23: This is one of those lynchpins in my world. I had a choice. I try very very hard to live my life without regretting what-might-have-been, so I refuse to say I made the wrong decision. But I wonder sometimes if the other, albeit younger, Sorcy is happier.
2006 08 07: Eleven words made me happy for three years. I don't think they apply anymore, but they are still the best sentence that has ever been said to me.
2008 03 17: I have no recollection of the thoughts that came after this chat. It was one of those later chats, that were more scattered. That's what I miss most, really. We both have lives, we both have weird schedules. And we've grown in enough different directions that we don't have thousand line chats anymore.
2008 11 07: Roughly 211 days ago, I started keeping an eye on a tiny little countdown clock in the corner of my dashboard. It's become more specific since then, more refined. And the numbers have been ticking ever closer to zero.
2009 06 17: In approximately five hours and 19 minutes, I get to meet Tho.
I am terrified.
~Sor
MOOP!
The next ten days were really really good, but I cried a lot.
Two years later, I still cry a lot. Different reasons, same root cause. "It's okay, I'm over it." she lied.
2006 03 25: I couldn't tell you the date I met him, but well over three years ago was when we stopped being acquaintances and started becoming friends. He saw me as a challenge, I saw him as far enough away to be safe to trust.
Instead I'll just IM you randomly when you're on to encourage you to open up.
...okay. You call it a geas, I call it...I don't know, actually. Maybe one of the best things to ever happen to me? A reason to own a camera and know about time zones and to stay up very late on the computer?
2007 08 15: I can't remember if I knew what you told me about myself prior to this, or not. Maybe I knew it, but had never heard it said. Words have power, sometimes it's important to say them aloud.
But you told me one of my flaws -that I wouldn't fight back when people were upset with me, that I would let myself take the blame. Maybe that's why I started to fix that, started to try and remember what was good for *me* and not just what was good for the rest of the world.
2007 03 23: This is one of those lynchpins in my world. I had a choice. I try very very hard to live my life without regretting what-might-have-been, so I refuse to say I made the wrong decision. But I wonder sometimes if the other, albeit younger, Sorcy is happier.
2006 08 07: Eleven words made me happy for three years. I don't think they apply anymore, but they are still the best sentence that has ever been said to me.
2008 03 17: I have no recollection of the thoughts that came after this chat. It was one of those later chats, that were more scattered. That's what I miss most, really. We both have lives, we both have weird schedules. And we've grown in enough different directions that we don't have thousand line chats anymore.
2008 11 07: Roughly 211 days ago, I started keeping an eye on a tiny little countdown clock in the corner of my dashboard. It's become more specific since then, more refined. And the numbers have been ticking ever closer to zero.
2009 06 17: In approximately five hours and 19 minutes, I get to meet Tho.
I am terrified.
~Sor
MOOP!