So, I think I have distinctions between feeling female, feeling feminine, wanting to appear female, and wanting to appear feminine. The third one I really can't pull off; the other three do happen with various frequencies,1,2 somewhat (but not entirely) independently of one another.3 It sounds sort of like you might have a similar set of distinctions, but I'm not sure if it's the same as mine, so I'm curious how you think of it.
If I were to attempt to put your experience into my categories, it sounds like you were feeling4 female, and as a result wanted to appear (and feel?) feminine, but that this runs into your more overarching sense of your gender identity. So it doesn't match, even if it ought to match your current sense of gender. If I am wrong, feel free to tell me, I'm just curious as to how you think about it.
Anyway, I suspect you're right that if you work at it, feeling and appearing feminine will get easier. I think it's a matter of comfort—if you can convince yourself that what you're doing is right, then it will feel right, because there certainly isn't anything external preventing you. And then perhaps you can incorporate that into your general sense of self, and it will stop feeling other.
1. The first one least frequently, but it does happen.
2. Augh, I am putting footnotes in a comment. I entirely blame you. :-)
3. And, of course, all of those categories again, replacing female and feminine with male and masculine, with somewhat different frequencies.
4. I use "feeling" because that's how I tend to think of it, but of course "being" is also a perfectly reasonable thing if that makes more sense for you.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2011-02-26 04:01 pm (UTC)If I were to attempt to put your experience into my categories, it sounds like you were feeling4 female, and as a result wanted to appear (and feel?) feminine, but that this runs into your more overarching sense of your gender identity. So it doesn't match, even if it ought to match your current sense of gender. If I am wrong, feel free to tell me, I'm just curious as to how you think about it.
Anyway, I suspect you're right that if you work at it, feeling and appearing feminine will get easier. I think it's a matter of comfort—if you can convince yourself that what you're doing is right, then it will feel right, because there certainly isn't anything external preventing you. And then perhaps you can incorporate that into your general sense of self, and it will stop feeling other.
1. The first one least frequently, but it does happen.
2. Augh, I am putting footnotes in a comment. I entirely blame you. :-)
3. And, of course, all of those categories again, replacing female and feminine with male and masculine, with somewhat different frequencies.
4. I use "feeling" because that's how I tend to think of it, but of course "being" is also a perfectly reasonable thing if that makes more sense for you.