First of all, I require gentlemen to stop asking me to dance.
I would reserve your frustration for the teachers and organizers, who should know better, and not the random dancers, who may or may not have the same idea as you about what clothing means. Assume good faith; there's no payoff in getting angry at someone who's just showed up to their first dance, seen a girl in men's clothing, and picked up on "girl" and not "men's clothing". Now that you've told me, I'll try to remember not to ask you to dance if I see you in a tailcoat, but I can't guarantee I won't forget. People come from different backgrounds; different signals convey different meanings.
The "don't confuse newbies" argument is bullshit, for the reasons you point out — if women are dancing together, that's just as confusing as a man dancing on the woman's side. (I'm frequently confused in corner figures when I'm in an all-women-except-me set, and I've been dancing for 20 years.) It's a fig leaf for a gender-normative attitude, and is unwelcoming to queer dancers.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2010-12-20 02:37 am (UTC)I would reserve your frustration for the teachers and organizers, who should know better, and not the random dancers, who may or may not have the same idea as you about what clothing means. Assume good faith; there's no payoff in getting angry at someone who's just showed up to their first dance, seen a girl in men's clothing, and picked up on "girl" and not "men's clothing". Now that you've told me, I'll try to remember not to ask you to dance if I see you in a tailcoat, but I can't guarantee I won't forget. People come from different backgrounds; different signals convey different meanings.
The "don't confuse newbies" argument is bullshit, for the reasons you point out — if women are dancing together, that's just as confusing as a man dancing on the woman's side. (I'm frequently confused in corner figures when I'm in an all-women-except-me set, and I've been dancing for 20 years.) It's a fig leaf for a gender-normative attitude, and is unwelcoming to queer dancers.