![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A good day should probably feel better?
Aug. 23rd, 2024 12:03 amAfter 83 days of ignoring the concept entirely, I have returned to the idea of doing my dailies, and will quite likely earn a die today (as long as I don't completely fuck myself in the next hour, say, by passing out unexpectedly sprawled awkward on the bed. But that wouldn't possibly happen to me.)
I am.....annoyed. I am annoyed at the way my brain has arbitrarily decided to turn back on and give me a good day after weeks and weeks of just straight up not doing anything but playing video games. I mean, yes, obviously, I was at camp for some of them. But I had this problem with the week I was home between being camper and crew, and I think I had some of this problem when I was visiting Tuesday before going down to MD back in June.
Like........probably that is what being burnt-out means, just weeks and weeks of being entirely unable to do anything that isn't the purest simplest form of dopamine providing. But it's irritating as fuck and I hate it and I am glad to have had a day where I got things done. I did a bunch of paper sorting --even if I don't do any more tomorrow (please brain, I would like to do more tomorrow) I have made genuine progress today!
Radical Acceptance of Incremental Progress.
I played video games too! I did a couple really nice Slay the Spire runs (including actually full-beating the game for the first time! That was unexpected, to suddenly have more game after the point where I've grown used to it ending!) and a necrodance run. I read comics a bunch this morning --in fact, I've actually finally caught up on all my webcomics (just in time for the school year and reading them with my breakfast cereal again.) I had relaxey bits and fuckaroundy bits. I socialized with some friends.
And I sorted a staggering number of papers away, and have a surprisingly full box for recycling --more than expected, certainly, even though it's not very densely packed. I did three loads of laundry and I've put everything away except the hangy-up stuff, which I will probably put away. I took a shower and ate three meals and hung out with BDan over the internet while they worked on packing.
I don't know what's different today. Like, Austin was over last night (and that was a really good date, long cozy cuddles and being silly together and watching one of the best Leverage episodes), but he's been over other times and I haven't been effective afterwards. I took my meds? Babe, I've been taking my meds, and I started the good shit today before I got around to them. I primed the pump last night by frantically trying to clean up enough of my floor that when Austin arrived it didn't look like I have been living in an overwhelming vortex of stuff?
...Actually, that last one has merit, as much as anything has merit. There's a reason "room" was part of the Sims original eight needbars. Making my room slightly more tolerable last night means that it was a better space to work in today.
Or maybe I've just un-burned out, enough days in a row of very few responsibilities (despite going on errands and favours for friends, most of those have been very easy to schedule around and have involved lots of like...reading my book on the T) that I've actually recovered some emotional resilience, and can spend it on opening all of my mail from the last two years and hoping to god I don't have another jury duty summons hidden in there.
(Someday I ought to write that fucking saga up and put it in a single post instead of being oblique about it. I couldn't write it at the time, it hurt too much. But it's been five years, and time helps sometimes. Anyways one time I didn't go to jury duty and it turns out that's bad. Also, I know for a fact I would've noticed, immediately, if my mailbox had a jury duty summons in it, and while I don't always immediately open all the mail that comes through, I do at least look at it when I take it upstairs.)
Tomorrow night I hopefully have a Tuesday, which means a good goal for tomorrow is to continue to get my room more livable. Maybe strip and remake the bed. Wash my hair? At least brush my hair, it is getting like...high-school-Kat levels of terrifying. I really really have to clean off my desk, that's sortof the major thing that needs to happen, it is deeply unusable right now, and that is irritating.
(I haven't taken photos of any new dice this summer, in part because I still feel guilty I never finished Dicember last year. Maybe I can actually like...do...all of that? Through early September? While teaching a new course? (okay look, it's only 1.5 preps, maybe even less, and I've taught Geometry before just not using the Illustrative Math curriculum. It'll be fine.)
I'm doing the best I can, and like every time I actually get effective, mostly it just makes me feel weird and sad and bad that I'm not like this all the time. But lords above, I'm trying. Maybe I'll even get back into the habit of reading round here again (I miss y'all something fierce.)
I love you.
~Sor
MOOP!
I am.....annoyed. I am annoyed at the way my brain has arbitrarily decided to turn back on and give me a good day after weeks and weeks of just straight up not doing anything but playing video games. I mean, yes, obviously, I was at camp for some of them. But I had this problem with the week I was home between being camper and crew, and I think I had some of this problem when I was visiting Tuesday before going down to MD back in June.
Like........probably that is what being burnt-out means, just weeks and weeks of being entirely unable to do anything that isn't the purest simplest form of dopamine providing. But it's irritating as fuck and I hate it and I am glad to have had a day where I got things done. I did a bunch of paper sorting --even if I don't do any more tomorrow (please brain, I would like to do more tomorrow) I have made genuine progress today!
Radical Acceptance of Incremental Progress.
I played video games too! I did a couple really nice Slay the Spire runs (including actually full-beating the game for the first time! That was unexpected, to suddenly have more game after the point where I've grown used to it ending!) and a necrodance run. I read comics a bunch this morning --in fact, I've actually finally caught up on all my webcomics (just in time for the school year and reading them with my breakfast cereal again.) I had relaxey bits and fuckaroundy bits. I socialized with some friends.
And I sorted a staggering number of papers away, and have a surprisingly full box for recycling --more than expected, certainly, even though it's not very densely packed. I did three loads of laundry and I've put everything away except the hangy-up stuff, which I will probably put away. I took a shower and ate three meals and hung out with BDan over the internet while they worked on packing.
I don't know what's different today. Like, Austin was over last night (and that was a really good date, long cozy cuddles and being silly together and watching one of the best Leverage episodes), but he's been over other times and I haven't been effective afterwards. I took my meds? Babe, I've been taking my meds, and I started the good shit today before I got around to them. I primed the pump last night by frantically trying to clean up enough of my floor that when Austin arrived it didn't look like I have been living in an overwhelming vortex of stuff?
...Actually, that last one has merit, as much as anything has merit. There's a reason "room" was part of the Sims original eight needbars. Making my room slightly more tolerable last night means that it was a better space to work in today.
Or maybe I've just un-burned out, enough days in a row of very few responsibilities (despite going on errands and favours for friends, most of those have been very easy to schedule around and have involved lots of like...reading my book on the T) that I've actually recovered some emotional resilience, and can spend it on opening all of my mail from the last two years and hoping to god I don't have another jury duty summons hidden in there.
(Someday I ought to write that fucking saga up and put it in a single post instead of being oblique about it. I couldn't write it at the time, it hurt too much. But it's been five years, and time helps sometimes. Anyways one time I didn't go to jury duty and it turns out that's bad. Also, I know for a fact I would've noticed, immediately, if my mailbox had a jury duty summons in it, and while I don't always immediately open all the mail that comes through, I do at least look at it when I take it upstairs.)
Tomorrow night I hopefully have a Tuesday, which means a good goal for tomorrow is to continue to get my room more livable. Maybe strip and remake the bed. Wash my hair? At least brush my hair, it is getting like...high-school-Kat levels of terrifying. I really really have to clean off my desk, that's sortof the major thing that needs to happen, it is deeply unusable right now, and that is irritating.
(I haven't taken photos of any new dice this summer, in part because I still feel guilty I never finished Dicember last year. Maybe I can actually like...do...all of that? Through early September? While teaching a new course? (okay look, it's only 1.5 preps, maybe even less, and I've taught Geometry before just not using the Illustrative Math curriculum. It'll be fine.)
I'm doing the best I can, and like every time I actually get effective, mostly it just makes me feel weird and sad and bad that I'm not like this all the time. But lords above, I'm trying. Maybe I'll even get back into the habit of reading round here again (I miss y'all something fierce.)
I love you.
~Sor
MOOP!