sorcyress | On Hair, and loving my body

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On Hair, and loving my body

Oh hey, I never posted this. It seems pretty readable, so have an essay that's been lying around on my desktop for a couple weeks. I think I wrote it just post-NEFFA or so.

So, I don't shave my legs.

(I don't shave my armpits either, but it's a little easier to hide that --I can wear t-shirts all summer. There is weather where pants *really* aren't an option.)

I've never shaved --never really seen the point. My general feeling about it is that the only thing it really accomplishes is boy attraction, and therefore falls into the same category of "completely fucking useless" as wearing make-up does. When I was of an age to learn how and get into the habit, I was also of an age where boys were useless and relationships impossible. For just post-pubescent Sorcyress, boy chasing was the furthest thing from my mind.

As I've gotten older, actually accepted that maybe this relationship idea is not all bad all the time, and started to (on occasion) do things specifically to attract boys^{1, 2}, I've still never bothered to shave my legs. Between the feministy stance and the much larger "I am lazy and a little bit of a perfectionist and I don't want to waste my time doing that to the degree I'd want to" stance, I've just never gotten around to it.

This would not be a problem, were I not a little bit self conscious of my hairy self. Okay, a lot self conscious. I try really quite hard to love my body just the way it is, but as with the stomach thing (mine is round, not flat), I live in a society that has made it very very clear that my body is NOT PERFECT and I should therefore try to fix it.

This is obviously bullshit. The clearest reason I can see for having a societally perfect body is so I can catch myself a man. Maybe if I get to a point where I can't rattle off without thinking the names of ten guys³ who would happily have sloppy make-outs with me I'll shave and start binge-dieting like it's going out of style⁶, but in the meantime, I think I can live comfortably with my really quite awesomely hot body just as it is.

Now, almost a year ago, something in my attitudes changed. Prior to this, I tended to wear a lot of tights, a lot of pants, yes, all summer long. Tank tops would only be worn with an open button-up shirt over them. Society couldn't make me take a razor to skin⁷, but it could at least make me hide the fact that I didn't.

So, a year ago, I was driving somewhere with my friend Jim. It was recockulously hot out, because it was summer in Maryland, and I was wearing shorts. At one point in the conversation, he commented, and I gave my usual "I am lazy and a feminist and therefore don't bother" answer. His response? Totally without mocking "You go girl."

My brain clicked into place, and more or less all was right with the world. That was about the point of my life where I started actively trying to be better about loving my body like it deserves. I've stopped wearing tights when I know damn well they'll be too warm, short skirts are even less the enemy than before, and while I'm still a little bit self conscious wandering out in the world, I'm getting better and better at just not giving a shit.

I don't get in people's faces about it. I don't rail against my smooth-legged friends. ((Hell, when given the invitation, I will happily run my hands up and down my roommates just shaven legs --all of the niceness without any of the itching or stubble the next day!)) I don't even usually bring it up. I just wear short skirts and bare legs and let people decide for themselves whether that's terrible. If people can't be friends with me just because I don't match that idea of normalcy, well, I don't really want them to stick around to find all the other deviant behaviours I indulge in.

I still can't look in the mirror every day and think I'm gorgeous. Hell, half the time I can't even manage seeing "pretty". But I'm getting a lot better at looking in the mirror and seeing myself, exactly as I'm meant to be, and not someone uncomfortable in her own skin.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I feel that this is about the point in the essay where I should say I'm only using boys because I am too lazy to constantly write out "folk who like girls" I have no problems with being ogled by members of any gender --at least not when I'm in ogleable mode. It's a weird little exhibitionist line, and would probably take another essay to explain.

2: And I still don't often do things specifically to attract people. Rocky Horror and *some* conventions are the only exceptions, and only to a small extent.

3: This is not an exaggeration, and I've thought of at least two more since I said that. And these are just the folk I *know* want sloppy make-outs --I'll be damned if I can ever remember or keep track of how many of you want to take me home and do naughty things with me.⁴

4: ...or to me, but that's a different post, and one I don't feel like putting here. Suffice to say, I think that sloppy make-outs⁵ should have all parties as active participants. More fun like that.

5: This is a euphanism.

6: Or, you know, I'll just get over it and be happily single. Shock, horror, all that.

7: And that's another thing. Razor blade. Can kill people. Scraping against skin. How the *fuck* is this considered normal for *anyone*?

((That being said, I do have maybe a slight preference for clean shaven men. But I've had perfectly nice kissies with boys with beards before, so really, shaven status is totally up to them. Unless they try to grow a pornstache. I do not give kissies to boys with pornstaches.))

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I feel that this is about the point in the essay where I should say I'm only using boys because I am too lazy to constantly write out "folk who like girls"

I have long thought we needed nice one-word terms to identify people who are attracted to men and people who are attracted to women. It's much too awkward to, say, post a picture of a hot guy and call it "eye candy for straight and bi women, gay and bi men, and people who don't call themselves 'men' or 'women' who are attracted to men." But limiting and misleading to not say all that! Androphile and gynephile would work, I suppose, but they sound weird and clinical.

I also do not shave my legs or armpits, because I prefer myself hairy, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. (Though David finds hairless legs and pits more attractive, so occasionally I'll shave for a romantic evening with him, just to be GGG about the whole thing.) I only make a point of shaving or covering up in public if it's a really formal thing like a wedding reception or job interview.

Funny story: the other day, I was waiting at the bus stop. I was wearing a tanktop and put my hands on my hips. I could actually feel the breeze blowing gently through my pit hair! My first thought was, "This is so pleasant." And my second was, "And nobody I know in real life would appreciate this story."

I definitely appreciate the story! It sounds lovely, and is certainly part of why I've become more chill about wearing tank-tops --they're comfortable!

I actually have both gynephile and androphile as part of my vocab already, and sometimes I'll use them. But in general, I'm just politically incorrect enough to say guy all the time and know that people are smart enough to get that I am okay being ogled by anyone who likes ogling people shaped like me.

Unrelated note to self: Sometime I should write an essay about obscure acronyms and whether you should ask people what they mean or JFGI it. ((Inspired by the fact that I didn't know GGG until just now when I looked it up on Urban Dictionary.))

~Sor

"German Goo Girls (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Thompson_Productions)"?

Right on.

Oh, and you're neat and cute and you can totally add me to the list in footnote 3 (if the facial hair and old man status isn't too terribly offputting to you).

Old man status? Wild guess, you're what, thirty? Thirty two?

...thirty three in October. Yeah, okay, so you're older than all my complications but one. You still fall into my rule of relationships (since I simply can't manage half plus seven) and are closer in age to me than my mom.

And facial hair is totally fine, solong as there is no pornstachery involved.

((This is not necessarily saying that I'm going to come have sloppy make-outs sometime, but neither of the factors you mentioned make it a definite no. Or something.))

~Sor

What, exactly, is a "pornstache"? I'd look really odd without a mustache, but I don't know if it's pornstachery.

7. I think it would be really hard to kill someone with a safety razor, unless they're a haemophiliac. Lots of surface bleeding, sure, but they can cut maybe a a millimeter deep if you're trying. Even harder with an electric razor or epilator, unless maybe you use it as a blunt instrument. I suppose you could suffocate someone with wax, or poison them with depilatory cream.

I've actually considered shaving my legs, not for appearance but for practicality, since I often find my leg hair annoying under socks and tights—it gets painful after a while. I have a lot more leg hair than you do, of course. So far, I've still been lazy, especially since shaving my stomach for my pump is annoying enough, but I might change my mind at some point.

Okay fine. But still. BLOOD. Just because I try very very hard not to be bloodsqueamish doesn't mean I *want* to have blood spew out of me.

Also, for a good while there I would occasionally say that I wouldn't shave until I had a straight razor.

Andumyes. Stuff.

~Sor

Well, you don't bleed if you do it right. Even with a straight razor. (I, of course, manage to cut myself with my electric razor on a semi-regular basis, but I'm just talented that way. And I have bumpy skin.) I'm pretty sure that I was talking to someone not too long ago who said that she (or possibly her mother, since I have no idea who it was) learned to shave her legs with a straight razor. Legs are at least easier than faces (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/11/fashion/11skin.html?scp=4&sq=straight%20razor&st=cse), though, which have a lot more angles.

tirerim says, shaving doesn't always mean bleeding, and rarely means "blood spew[ing] out of [you]". Unless you really screw up, you at most get specks of blood, not a flow, and even that doesn't happen every shave unless you're doing something wrong (probably dull blades).

It is, however, possible to really screw it up. I think I still have a 2-3" scar on my right shin from a time when I got really distracted while shaving and cut off a swath of skin. Even then, the blood only pooled a bit and didn't spew, because you do have to be *really* talented for that.

That's really impressive. The worst I've ever done is to give myself three parallel shallow one inch slices, which bled about like you're describing.

Three parallel slices, eh? Fun with a triple-bladed razor?

No, I'm *really* talented. By which I mean yes.

I think I could easily kill myself shaving with a safety razor. Possibly this is because I do it too hard, with too dull or too sharp a razor, or am just generally unskilled. I've got some pretty impressive accidental scars...

When I started shaving my legs regularly (to pass at work) I deliberately went out and got one of those silly pretentious Venus razors, in the hopes that it would make it more pleasant and less full of fail. Which helped somewhat, although not entirely.

Rh, my flatmate and resident haemophiliac does not shave her legs, but does shave her armpit hair, because she finds it really obnoxious (it gets all sweaty and gross). She said she's never bled from it. Neither have I, I don't think. It's easier to cut yourself on legs, it's true.

For what it's worth, I shave my legs regularly in flirty-dress season, and much less regularly in the off-season (only when I'm planning on seeing B, really). So at the moment, they have two weeks of growth, but that will be gone by Thursday. :-P

My skin feels raw and is more prone to bleeding the first few times I shave it after not doing it regularly, but it quickly grows accustomed. I've been thinking about getting an epilator, but wish I knew someone who uses it to ask about it first.

And for TMI, I also shave the outer regions of my netherhair (so it doesn't crowd outside my bikini line) as well as trim the rest.

Noxema makes some ungodly awesome safety razors that go very close to your skin, but don't actually touch it, so the hair gets very short. I think it is actually impossible to cut yourself with them. I've tried (just out of curiousity) Not a perfectly smooth shave, of course, but looks well enough.

Love,
Herbert.

Oh, and yes, as Herbert implies, I do like the feel of smooth legs (smooth skin in general, really), and she is very kind in obliging me. Which is another reason I might consider shaving my legs. That and the fact that shaved skin tends to be extra-sensitive, which can be fun with clothing, and also nice when someone else is touching it...

Oh, and since I'm not sure it came across, I still think leg-shaving should be an entirely personal decision—I just happen to think there can be good reasons for wanting to as well as not wanting to.

Just sayin'.

Yay for women who don't let their beauty be dictated by folks out to make a buck! There's so much money riding on making women (and men too) feel miserable about their bodies, and so much societal programming reinforcing it. You get lots of points for just being your own beautiful self.

Is 'euphanism' a creatively intentional misspelling for making beautiful noise together?

Edited 2009-05-09 20:55 (UTC)

*hguglebugglewuggles a fellow lazy feminist*

It is always nice to run into another one ... i am endlessly annoyed at usually being the only freaking "hippie girl" shopping at Whole Foods who sports leg hair.. i've even seen 'em decked out in the full Earthie Look but have shiny smooth legs and y'know, to me, that's like saying you're a vegetarian who likes to eat meat oslt. Sure, it's one thing if a poor Barbie Doll feels she has to give into those Societal Memes but these chicks are supposedly bucking that system by taking on that persona! But no, i suppose to them it is just a look or something. Dunno. </End of Enraged Ferret Rant>

And yeah, i too, have a great deal of difficulty loving the face/body that looks back out at me from the mirror as well... and my round Four Baby Belly looks like i'm 6 months pregnant, so i totally feel your pain.

For whatever it's worth, it fills me with unmeasurable joy to know you are out there stubbornly (stoically? adamantly? rationally?) letting your body hair all hang out! Finding others like you is tricksy at best!

*hgugles againgain!*

. o O (this meant to be more coherent but i hope i still got my meaning across)

I don't shave my legs either. Never have. I do shave my armpits a few times a year, because I like that better esthetically when I wear sleeveless, but I don't obsess about it, and if I haven't lately, that's just how it is.

My philosophy about people who don't find it attaractive is that we're likely to have a multitude of other clash-points anyway, so I'll take the ones who don't care.

I... I shave my legs >_>

Sometimes.

In the winter it's a once-a-week, I need excuses to stay under the hot water in the shower to make up for having to shower and dash before class, type thing.

In the summer it's an, I have to wear shorts and I just don't care for that prickly feeling. I shave if I plan to wear shorts and that's about it?

I'm lazy. But that smooth, smooth feeling is just oddly gratifying, especially if you're shower fresh.

Am I getting stabbed by feminists now?

RELAX.

You are not getting stabbed. You like being clean shaven, fine, lovely, *excellent*. I don't have a problem with it.

No, seriously Ria, I mean that. I have absolutely no problems with you being silky smooth. Do what you want with your body. What I have a problem with is people not being happy in the body they're in. You're beautiful, you know that, right?

~Sor

The clearest reason I can see for having a societally perfect body is so I can catch myself a man.

There's also that you could do it simply because it makes you feel good. There are some/many, I'm sure, who say that but do X complicated appearance ritual largely because of the attention it gets them, but I don't think the reasons why something makes us feel good are particularly important, only that it does.

Me, I don't want to look like Sam Beam (http://www.aversion.com/bands/ironandwine/images/ironandwine.jpg); I like his music, but I don't want to look like him. So I drag an electric shaver across my face every morning. It's actually kind of satisfying, that and the end results.

Also, as has been stated, it's very difficult to actually hurt yourself with a safety razor, or especially an electric one. The worst you can do barely qualifies as a paper cut (though I'll admit that face cuts tend to bleed like crazy no matter what).

I shave as much leg as will be exposed. This means 3/4 leg every other day in summer (full leg if wearing bathing suit), up to the knee in spring when I'm wearing mostly skirts, and barely at all in the winter, unless wearing anything shorter than a full length skirt. I do it because I like the feel of it and prefer the look of my legs without hair. I don't do it more often because I'm lazy and it's also warmer to have leg hair in winter (though it does sometimes play awkwardly with dress pants and I may start shaving in winter, too, as I spend more time in professional clothing.)

I shave my armpits because, again, I prefer the look of it and I also think they get less sweaty when I shave. But, again with the laziness when I'm not wearing sleeveless clothing with regularity.

I haven't shaved in years. Part of this is I have little to no hair on on my legs or pits. I have no need to shave.

Hear, hear! I, too, am against people feeling that they have to do uncomfortable things for the sake of fashion.

I went through the same dilemma you did. Only I took the other rode -- I decided that I didn't want to be self-conscious and shaved my legs.

I think you're pretty. I like you how you are.

I guess it runs in the family... I haven't shaved my legs since high school, when I played basket ball and because of weak ankles, needed to have them taped on a daily basis in the winter, and tape and hair doesn't make for a pretty combination. However, pits are shaved every few weeks... I find it helps me feel less sweaty, especially in my current kitchen job.

While freshly-shaven legs can be a pleasant change once in a while, razor stubble really puts me off. Whereas unshaven legs just have nice fuzzy hair. Since gender for me is a interesting, but not central concept, I'm used to hairy legs, pits, faces, whatever. It's all good.

Nathan's Hair Removal Philosophy:
If a person is going to go removing hair from their body, they should start with the parts they are most likely to have people licking.

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On Hair, and loving my body

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