Tuna Fish Recipie

[sorcyress]

As you all ought to know, someday I will rule the world. When that happens, you will all be my subordinates. Not slaves, exactly, more like everybody I know becomes the equivilant of a younger sibling--if I want a sandwich or something, then you have to go make me one.

Anyways. When that happens, I figure there ought to be some sort of resource for making me sandwiches correctly, and not doing something heinous like putting mayonaise on them or something¹. Todays lesson is:

How to make Kat a tunafish sandwich

Ingrediants/supplies:
A 6oz can of tuna fish
Some ranch dressing
Dill pickle relish
3-4 small dill pickles
2 slices of bread
one fork
one bowl
cutting board
knife
plate
can opener

Recipie!:
Step one: Use the can opener to open the can of tunafish. Drain the water into the sink, and use the fork to get all the actual tuna into the bowl. Then rinse the can out and recycle it.

Step two: Pour some ranch dressing into the bowl, and mix with the tuna. The tuna should lighten by a couple of shades --if it doesn't change colour, dollop some more dressing in.

Step three: Wash the fork off, and use it to dollop some dill relish into the bowl. About two forkfuls is all you need. Mix it all up.

Step four: Take the actual pickles and put them on the cutting board. Dice the pickles with the knife, then add them to the tuna. Mix well.

Step five: (OPTIONAL) Taste the tunafish to see if it is satisfactory. If nessecary, add more ranch dressing, dill pickles, or relish at this point.

Step six: Spread the tunafish onto one of the slices of bread, then place the other slice on top and squish it down. You will probably have too much tunafish --you can either bring the leftover tunafish to me to eat, or eat it yourself.

Step seven: Deliver the tunafish to me. Be proud of a job well done.

[/recipie]

Uhm, yeah. Keep tuned for other important recipies, like how to make Kat a bowl of spaghettios, or how to make Kat some instant pudding. Man, it's been FOREVER since I've had instant pudding.

Have a nice day!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Putting mayonaise on a sandwich intended to be eaten by me is an offense punishible by death, or at least a couple hours confined to the dungeon. Yes, this will be an actual law.

CW from a future-Kat. First comment.

Comments

[werewulf.livejournal.com]

This is SO weird!

Did you know that you use my EXACT recipe to make tuna fish sandwiches? (well one of them.. I think it's the one I use most often when making sandwiches for my kids *grin*)

And what about the fluff?

[scooterbird.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm. Sammich.

Of course, this is not the correct way to make tuna sammiches. This is (http://scooterbird.livejournal.com/46540.html), and therefore when my armies conquer the world, they will decry yours as heretical, and teach my newly enslaved vassals how to make a tuna fish sammich the correct way.

[mommyrex.livejournal.com]

I have never heard of dill pickle relish. Learn something new every day. We used ot make it with sweet relish and apples (!). But I'll have to try your recipe. Not only becasue it sounds yummy, but also to practice for my duties in the realm of Your Sorcyness.

[scooterbird's looks good, too. Might just try it, despite his lower likelihood of ruling the world.]

[boredmder.livejournal.com]

...oddest tunafish sandwich ev[b]a[/b[r.

When you are ruler I shall attack you with the $0.99 8 litre mayo jars from BJs.

Wow, I just typed litre instead of liter. I think my computer is telling me that I'm part english (queen's, not american).

I definitely need to stop by over there, it's been forever...like 2 years.

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

That's disgusting and also far too complex. I mean, seven steps for a sandwich? That's ridiculous.

[astaereth.livejournal.com]

*waves a wand* Abracadabra!

There, you're a tuna fish sandwich. :D

[thestoryiswrong.livejournal.com]

I AGREE WITH THE FOOTNOTE!!!

(i only like it if it is mixed in with tuna, egg salad, ect) and even still, i don't use much. it makes me gag. i have to use the squeeze bottle so i don't touch it.


ew mayo

[scooterbird.livejournal.com]

I have sometimes been known to use dill pickle relish in place of the sweet relish. In such an instance, I play with the ingredients: a dash of habañero Tabasco sometimes gets tossed in, as it's got a sweet-hot flavor.

And you think my marauding forces can't reach Kansas? Ho ho ho. Wait 'til you make me sammiches, you unbeliever...!

[forexample.livejournal.com]

Do your current younger siblings make you sandwiches?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

It has been forever. Mum's birthday party is on Saturday. *shrugs*

...Mayo is disgusting. You will make me cry.

~Sor

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Yay! You win a pony for understanding my dislike of mayo!

~Sor

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...

I refuse to answer that question.

~Sor

[mommyrex.livejournal.com]

Right now, I'm wondering if they sell Old Bay in Kansas. Some years back I tossed an emptied, rusty Old Bay can, and I haven't re-stocked it since then!

Yes, I was born and raised in Maryland, I have no excuse. I do miss it on occasion. *hopefuly adds Old Bay to the grocery list*

[jestingly-yours.livejournal.com]

Eat pudding made by Swiss Miss. It will make all your dreams come true.

mmm! sammich..

[(Anonymous)]

I make something quite similar (pickles and all), however, for that last increment of gastronomic interest -- I toast the bread (preferably whole wheat) to a medium rare and let it cool down before applying the tasty tuna topping. [grin]

[lunaticvermin.livejournal.com]

You're going to take over the world? You are going to take over the world?

Pah. Pah, I say, Pah!

I am the only future-world-dictator around here.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...

*narrows eyes* I'm sorry, but Veronica and I have the evil power of breasts on our side. You're going to stop us *how*?

~Sor

[kittikattie.livejournal.com]

Mayo is evil, and not just because I'm allergic.

[marcmagus]

Just how big is a "small" dill pickle? I'm thinking I've never seen such a thing. That or this is a pickle sandwich with ranch dressing and tuna to hold it together.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*grins*

It is the most evil of condiments!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Um...dunno. Like the size of my pinky? They are possibly called baby pickles?

I could theoretically use a single normal person sized pickle, or possibly even just half of one.

~Sor

[marcmagus]

Ah, ok, that's much smaller than I'd imagined. I think of a "normal" dill pickle as being bigger than my fist, though.

If I remember correctly, the normal sized pickles that come out of jars often come quartered, and one of those quarters sounds like it would be about the right amount? (The size of wedge you get in a diner floating in the "cole slaw" in a little bowl alongside your sandwich.)

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Maybe two of those deli pickle quarters? I do rather like pickles, after all.

~Sor

[marcmagus]

(Speaking of not making lewd comments in LJ comment threads...)

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*snrks*

Oh baby, oh baby, I could eat pickles all day long?

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

Considering the forty-step instructions I left in the How To Make A Peanut-Butter and Jelly Sandwich thread, I find this comment hilarious.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Hell, your original "Here is what you are to be doing" was more than seven steps, yes? Or was it just six? Damn, can't remember.

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

Five steps! Which is a very proper length.