(no subject)

[sorcyress]

Dear women* of the world:

If an action would be inappropriate if it was a male performing it on a female, this means it is also inappropriate if it is a female performing it on a female.

Or in less subtle terms, get your fucking hands away from my goddamn tits, especially if I hardly know you. Your random faux-groping of my chest? Is neither cute nor funny, it's uncomfortable, and now that I've actually clicked that it's sexual harassment, I will be reacting supremely unfavorably next time it occurs.

No love
Kat

*Why is this post to the women of the world and not to the men? Because thus far, I have never had a male acquaintance grab, or pretend to grab, my breasts. I'd love to keep it that way.

ETA: This is not to say that I am always against groping all the time. But I'd like it to have a reason, and I'd be overjoyed if you would ask for permission first. You know, like a decent human being and not a slimeball.

Comments

[londo.livejournal.com]

I support this, and would even broaden it further:

If an action would be inappropriate if it was a male performing it on a female, this means it is also inappropriate if it is a person of any gender performing it on a person of any gender.

[kirby1024.livejournal.com]

I also agree wholeheartedly with this statement. My broadening of the statement would typically just go to "Verbal consent or hands off!" regardless of gender or other indications, but this may be due to my time in the kink scene. It sometimes startles me exactly how little negotiation occurs in non-kink social groups. Really creepy at times.

[lyrwen.livejournal.com]

Dear god yes, I have a friend who used to do that and it made me really uncomfortable. Possibly illogically, the fact that she's a woman did make me feel less uncomfortable than I would have otherwise though. Or maybe it wasn't that, but just that I felt she was trying to be funny, not make me uncomfortable. Or something. Actually that doesn't make it any better. Maybe it was the thought that people around us would have a different impression of what was going on (I can be very self concious like that).

I think I (used to?) get more than usually uncomfortable when women that didn't/don't know about me being bi got touchy feely with me. I'd always think "one day they'll find out and maybe they wouldn't have done that if they hadn't thought I was "safe" and they'll hate me, so I'm gonna sit awkwardly
in the corner now"

[thorog.livejournal.com]

For reference, you have permission to grope my chest.

[dhs.livejournal.com]

I rarely get groped in the chest region. (I'm male.) On one memorable occasion though, I went to a Halloween party wearing a dress and one of the women there groped my "breasts". I was uncomfortable with it and complained immediately, but she didn't seem to think I was serious.

I think it was more of the "ha-ha this is funny because you know I'm not serious" attitude that bothered me, particularly as it came out of nowhere and wasn't part of something we shared, but rather something something she did to me. No. Actually the last is exactly the crux.

[tolkienkookad.livejournal.com]

I've been going through these posts for a little while for fun reading.

I know I'm occasionally guilty of this one (though I do think a: I have been a little less bad about it since you first posted this and b: I do try to limit the groping to people I know well and know won't mind, though sometimes I misjudge) but I really have to say, the sentiment behind it is something I keep feeling around New Year's happenings.

For me, I'd like to put up a true-for-me blanket statement of my own: Physical contact is never extended as courtesy, and just because you see physical contact between me and someone else, does not mean you are entitled to the same treatment.

I hate the sheer number of people who move in for hugs when this house is packed. It is not a polite greeting for me. I hug people I know well and have a desire to hug. I do not wish to hug people who I have no desire to hug. I hate that so many of the New Year's goers make a large thing about it when I wave off their hugs. I try to do this as kindly as possible, but honestly -- I'm not going to accept a hug that will make me uncomfortable for decorum's sake.