sorcyress | (no subject)

There are such things as fun in the world, yesterday was probably not it.

Minor (that's a lie) panic attack and breakdown. And by minor, I mean lasted for something like an hour and a half? Hum

No, the bad part lasted about an hour, then being held by Ksatyr which helped like anything in making me feel safe, then went to Kung-fu for an hour and worked and lost track of life and managed to get myself mostly stable.

Didn't hit catharsispoint (The point where I can tell I'm no longer having a breakdown) until well after I got home, probably not until eight thirty or nine. Found it somewhere in the middle of reading the first chapter of Arrows of the Queen to Ksatyr. So yeah, woo catharsis. :p

***

So yeah. Forcing myself into a mask is good, because it does help calm me down. Going somewhere where I'm forced to do things with my body is good because that both tires me out and refocuses me. Books are good because they continue to be a way to escape, and one I'm unlikely to ever lose.

Breaking down is not so good. What can I say, I'm a fucked up individual, and it's taking me a long time to learn how to fix that. I need to be better at communicating to people (though some things just can't be said in words, especially not in text) and I need to figure out a way to get myself to the point where I can show weakness.

Which, it's really odd to realize, but I really do have serious difficulty with showing weakness of any sort, but especially mental. Call it pride, call it hiding, but I have to be strong for the world, and I need to teach myself that that's not really true.

Pretend that made sense. See above note about being fucked up.

As for right now, I'm okay. I'm masked myself into normality, laughing at Uncyclopedias version of Zork with Becky and generally enjoying life like I normally do.

Underneathe it all, I feel reeeeeeeeally drained though.

Woof. Bells. See yas

~Sor
MOOP!

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Always be there for you. *hugs*

*hugs and a note that says "if ya need to talk, I'm all ears"*

*realizes that being "all ears" is really weird if taken literally*

Just talk to me if you need to, 'kay?

*waves from 12 years in the future*

It made sense. Why wouldn't it have?

*tight hug*

i found when i was having Panic Attacks (instead of the constant underlying feeling of anxiety which is what i more or less go through these days, albeit getting far less than it used to be) the best way to fend them off (and maybe the Most Difficult, but once you do it, maaaan, it really helps!) is to tell as many people as you can. or just one Trusted Friend. whatever. Panic is like an Abusive Person. it doesn't want you to let the rest of the world know that it's there. it's part of its power over you. once you let the world know it's there, it gets weakened greatly.

that said, i do realize that me saying that is probly Not All That Much Help, but i thought speaking as a Survivor, it might help a Little.

*huggles muchly & apologises for all the confusing parentheseses*

I'm always here if you need me

~V~

It is days like this that I hate my inability to be in multiple places at once, as well as my inability to be there for you when you need it.

...as well as hating my parents, because yoiu know, that's the whole root of teh cause for why I can't be there. That and being unable to drive.

*hugs, and hands you a bundle of bright blue and yellow roses* From the boys and me. Not much of a consolation, but it's the best we can do for right now.

Yikes! Breaking down is not so good. Maybe not, but letting go, sometimes, can be. Letting it build up inside too long, well, I'm sure you know all this.