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New Year's Mope
The last time I was single at New Years1 was the line between 2007 and 2008. I went to sleep latelate (earlyearly?) that night, curled up between two people I care for very much, both of whom I'd begin properly dating within the month. It was, in many ways, a literal dream come true.
I think every New Years until 2011-12, I woke up between two people I loved. I'm not positive on all the logistics, and can't quite properly match who to when, but I usually had enough partners, and enough influence to get them to visit, that I could make it all work out.
This year I will fall asleep alone and wake up alone. This has been the case for eight straight years2 now.
I...don't miss Maryland. I don't feel any ties calling me "back home" and never have --I ran to Boston as hard and fast as I could3 and have never regretted that decision4. But mom's New Year's Parties were a thing of fucking legend. They were the party big enough and cool enough that when I got old enough to start going out with friends, I never did --all my crowd from high school (the Table and the drama kids) came to my house instead. I miss that huge party, full of people and games and excitement. I miss random bullshit on the television, video games in the basement, games in the sunroom, puzzle in the playroom, the cookie fairy walking around with a tray while Chort ran through an entire year's worth of stock making good curry. I miss a house so crowded that you had to step over people to get through any doorway, yet still with the introverts curled up in corners reading books.
I miss wearing costumes for New Years, and the fun of getting to figure out the perfect one. That year I mentioned at the top, mek and I went as the black and white spies --it was the End of Double-oh-Seven after all, and Prohias's Spy vs Spy is *always* relevant.
I miss the rest of it too. I miss two dozen people in the house for movie night, and I miss a half dozen extra parents curled up on the couch on Fridays. I miss the Greykell and Neva Tuesday Night Creations. I miss New Years, and oh god, I miss mom's birthday. I miss having the house that had _people_ in it, and you didn't have to host them, you didn't have to pay attention to them, it was a make your own fun house, please feel free to have some soda and play a game and watch whatever's on the TV.
I don't miss Maryland. I don't even miss the Maryland people in particular5, so much as just...having a perpetually social space. Having a _community_ house. Having a sign on the door that says "walk right in, no need to ring the bell or knock!"
And I miss falling asleep at the end of an old year, in the wee single digit hours of the morning, curled awkward between and against and around someone I love and who loves me. I miss being part of a big huge consistent family, who I get to return to every year.
Happy New Years. I hope whatever party you made it to was spectacular. I hope you get to wake up tomorrow in the arms of someone you love6.
I hope in 2019 I can do a better job of spending time with my village.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: This is basically "the last time I was single", I started dating mek on January 3rd, 2008. (Our Cloniversary is January 30th, 2004 and that's what we usually celebrate).
2: ohhhhkay, this is definitely an outright lie, since I have slept next to Laura-sis for at least two and probably three (four?) of those years. But while I love Laura, and she's one of my dance-sisters, she's not my partner, never has been my partner, and is fundamentally uninterested in being my partner in any interpretation other than "dance". Which is fine! She's a great friend, I love her. It's not the same.
3: Because I feel like saying it, "fuck you kSatyr, fuck you for ever thinking your petty desire for me to stay could override fucking anything."
4: December 2nd, 2007: I ride up the escalators at Porter Square Station and step out into a silent world of fresh-falling snow and feel my heart sing home.
5: Which is to say I do, desperately, miss the Maryland people. I think most people could not name a dozen plus friends who watched them grow up, but there we have it. I'm glad I get down there a couple times a year and get to see people.
6: I want this line to be read as genuine, not bitter. I hope this for you, so mote it be.
I think every New Years until 2011-12, I woke up between two people I loved. I'm not positive on all the logistics, and can't quite properly match who to when, but I usually had enough partners, and enough influence to get them to visit, that I could make it all work out.
This year I will fall asleep alone and wake up alone. This has been the case for eight straight years2 now.
I...don't miss Maryland. I don't feel any ties calling me "back home" and never have --I ran to Boston as hard and fast as I could3 and have never regretted that decision4. But mom's New Year's Parties were a thing of fucking legend. They were the party big enough and cool enough that when I got old enough to start going out with friends, I never did --all my crowd from high school (the Table and the drama kids) came to my house instead. I miss that huge party, full of people and games and excitement. I miss random bullshit on the television, video games in the basement, games in the sunroom, puzzle in the playroom, the cookie fairy walking around with a tray while Chort ran through an entire year's worth of stock making good curry. I miss a house so crowded that you had to step over people to get through any doorway, yet still with the introverts curled up in corners reading books.
I miss wearing costumes for New Years, and the fun of getting to figure out the perfect one. That year I mentioned at the top, mek and I went as the black and white spies --it was the End of Double-oh-Seven after all, and Prohias's Spy vs Spy is *always* relevant.
I miss the rest of it too. I miss two dozen people in the house for movie night, and I miss a half dozen extra parents curled up on the couch on Fridays. I miss the Greykell and Neva Tuesday Night Creations. I miss New Years, and oh god, I miss mom's birthday. I miss having the house that had _people_ in it, and you didn't have to host them, you didn't have to pay attention to them, it was a make your own fun house, please feel free to have some soda and play a game and watch whatever's on the TV.
I don't miss Maryland. I don't even miss the Maryland people in particular5, so much as just...having a perpetually social space. Having a _community_ house. Having a sign on the door that says "walk right in, no need to ring the bell or knock!"
And I miss falling asleep at the end of an old year, in the wee single digit hours of the morning, curled awkward between and against and around someone I love and who loves me. I miss being part of a big huge consistent family, who I get to return to every year.
Happy New Years. I hope whatever party you made it to was spectacular. I hope you get to wake up tomorrow in the arms of someone you love6.
I hope in 2019 I can do a better job of spending time with my village.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: This is basically "the last time I was single", I started dating mek on January 3rd, 2008. (Our Cloniversary is January 30th, 2004 and that's what we usually celebrate).
2: ohhhhkay, this is definitely an outright lie, since I have slept next to Laura-sis for at least two and probably three (four?) of those years. But while I love Laura, and she's one of my dance-sisters, she's not my partner, never has been my partner, and is fundamentally uninterested in being my partner in any interpretation other than "dance". Which is fine! She's a great friend, I love her. It's not the same.
3: Because I feel like saying it, "fuck you kSatyr, fuck you for ever thinking your petty desire for me to stay could override fucking anything."
4: December 2nd, 2007: I ride up the escalators at Porter Square Station and step out into a silent world of fresh-falling snow and feel my heart sing home.
5: Which is to say I do, desperately, miss the Maryland people. I think most people could not name a dozen plus friends who watched them grow up, but there we have it. I'm glad I get down there a couple times a year and get to see people.
6: I want this line to be read as genuine, not bitter. I hope this for you, so mote it be.