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On Monday, he gave me a mixCD, entitled "Nothing Matters When We're Dancing".
Due to a quirk of my computer set-up (Meaning, Vera's disc drive is entirely borked) I wasn't able to put it onto my computer until last night, when I visited him, and was able to borrow the same external drive he used to make it.
So I put it on Vera, and we are quiet and there is awkward because I am a little out of social, and trying very hard not to be for him. After a long pause, in which we are quiet and close together, I put it on. I want to hear the music he chose to gift me.
And it's half a joke when I ask if it's good to make-out to, but it's exactly what I needed to say. And so we just...are, together. Curled up happily together on his bed, sometimes making out, and sometimes just holding each other and gazing and smiling, so stupid and happy. Sometimes he sings to me, and that is the nicest thing. I ask him some of them, what they are, and why he chose them. He kisses me instead of answering, and I know I'll have to figure it out myself.
Now it's today, and I'm home and alone. But I have the music he gave me, and space enough to notice that some of it is wistful and some of it is sad, but all of it is his. And now mine.
I communicate in many ways, some explicit, some extraordinarily subtle. But I've never been good at communicating in music. That's okay. I'll figure it out. The order and the meaning --I already know the message.
The message is that he loves me.
I wonder if I can put together a set of songs eloquent enough to say the same thing back to him.
~Sor
MOOP!
Due to a quirk of my computer set-up (Meaning, Vera's disc drive is entirely borked) I wasn't able to put it onto my computer until last night, when I visited him, and was able to borrow the same external drive he used to make it.
So I put it on Vera, and we are quiet and there is awkward because I am a little out of social, and trying very hard not to be for him. After a long pause, in which we are quiet and close together, I put it on. I want to hear the music he chose to gift me.
And it's half a joke when I ask if it's good to make-out to, but it's exactly what I needed to say. And so we just...are, together. Curled up happily together on his bed, sometimes making out, and sometimes just holding each other and gazing and smiling, so stupid and happy. Sometimes he sings to me, and that is the nicest thing. I ask him some of them, what they are, and why he chose them. He kisses me instead of answering, and I know I'll have to figure it out myself.
Now it's today, and I'm home and alone. But I have the music he gave me, and space enough to notice that some of it is wistful and some of it is sad, but all of it is his. And now mine.
I communicate in many ways, some explicit, some extraordinarily subtle. But I've never been good at communicating in music. That's okay. I'll figure it out. The order and the meaning --I already know the message.
The message is that he loves me.
I wonder if I can put together a set of songs eloquent enough to say the same thing back to him.
~Sor
MOOP!
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(Anonymous) 2012-02-04 05:17 am (UTC)(link)But I've never been good at communicating in music.
I think communicating in music may be like using very intense paints - songs can be so emotionally evocative that each one on its own is very strongly... itself.
Sometimes people deal with this by picking The Perfect Song, but I like creating mixes and medleys, turning individual intensities into wonderfully nuanced canvases.
Though admittedly, I less often use it for communication than for... evocation?
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In tat or tatters you're entrancing,
Be we in Paris or in Lansing,
...
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Actually, I'm not a huge fan of tangible gifts (see "space for crap, lack of"). And I don't have a daily urge to play familiar music. But somehow having someone think "She'd like this," or even better, "I want her to hear this, from me," is incredibly gratifying.
~sweet sigh~