sorcyress | (no subject)

Looking for input:

1) Is there a good non-gendered, or gender-inclusive word that could provide about the same connotations as "gentleman"?

(A friend asked this on Flife, and it occurs to me that this would be a useful word for my life. Neither he nor I thinks "gentleperson" satisfies.)

2) So, a boy-shaped friend of mine asked recently if I had any suggestions for how to indicate "I am not a bad guy" when walking late at night near (specifically, but it could certainly be generalized) single¹ women. His biggest concern was what happens when he is walking at about the same pace as a woman, and behind her, such as to seem like he is following her (rather than both going in the same direction).

(Obviously walking the opposite direction from someone is easy to indicate "safe" --make eye contact, smile, maybe say "good evening" and keep walking.)

Oh, damn. Only now it occurs to me that I could've suggested he switch sides of the street, assuming the area is safe to do so. I mean...there's still the following problem, but especially if the woman is aware of you switching sides, there's an indication of giving space.

More suggestions?

~Sor
MOOP!

1: As in, "only one" not "unpartnered"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I agree with

lyrwe. Especially, if we're talking about a situation that is likely to make the guy come off as creepy, i.e. Isolated or late night. A random make stranger trying to talk me (without an obvious purpose, like asking for direction, and possibly even then), is going to make me grip my keys or knife and speccing out where I'm most likely to find help if I need it.

I feel that most non-creepy guys would mind their own business. I like the suggestions of obviously focusing their attention elsewhere.. A male stranger taking unusual interest in me (especially anyone larger than me, which is nearly anyone) is going to set off my alarm bells.

To note, I severely dislike walking alone late at night and avoid it whenever possible.

I've been told by my GF that one part of the south that she loves is random strangers striking up, or joining, conversations. Maybe things are just different up there; they don't call it cold for nothing :)

I mean, I love chatting to strangers on pubtrans, in daylight, and/or in places where there are a lot of people around. People are generally friendly and I like talking.

But if we're talking about situations in which people are trying to avoid being creepy, that implies to me a situation that's isolated and/or with poor visibility.

It's a matter of opportunity risk, really. Any given person you pass on the street has a cetain probabily of being "creepy", which is not very high. However, predators are much less likely to act in a situation where there are witnesses, so if you're in a public place the chance of entering into a bad encounter is much lower. Passing someone late at night on a lonely street does not make them more likely to be a creep, but if they are a creep more likely to take advantage of the isolated situation. Thus people taking interest in me in those situations are viewed with suspicion.

Of course, it being daylight doesn't mean creeps won't be creeps. I've certainly been flashed and groped and leered at in the day time in public places. But really, that was all they had the power to do. If I met one of those people late at night (and I have been followed and leered at late at night when I've needeed to walk alone), I think it is not unlikey they would try something more invasive.

Seconding what Herbert says below. I do love friendly people striking up conversation (and I do think it happens more often in the deep south), but I _vastly_ prefer it when it's daylight, and when there are witnesses, or at least a regular stream of people walking by.

~Sor