sorcyress | Fuck you very much, the TSA.2

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Fuck you very much, the TSA.2

Hello there! This is your nine AM report that yeah, opting out of the backscatter machines really is as unpleasant as you've been led to believe.

I had the time when I arrived at the airport, and the security lines were blesséd short, so yeah, why wouldn't I choose to opt out? Cause someone else a bit of hassle, and not have naked pictures of me leaked to the internet in a couple weeks. I am quite okay with this plan, and so, at the point where you are meant to be removing your shoes and putting everything on the little moving belt, I smiled oh so cynically at the woman directing things, and asked what procedures one must take to opt-out.

She didn't quite sigh, and directed me to put my things on the belt --make sure there was nothing in my pockets, no paper, no anything, no belt, and of course, no shoes. "We have a female opt-out" she said wearily into her walkie-talkie, which nearly broke me in two right there --I am not female, and I hate being called such, and I know that it is only a hundred times worse for so many more people.

I had to walk through the backscatter machine to get to the area in which they would scan me --directly on the other side of the backscatter machine, causing a slight bottleneck as more compliant people had to squeeze around me. And there I was and there was a young woman who was not the slightest bit comforting as she told me that she was going to have to touch me.

And proceeded to do just that. She, as the one account has been saying, stroked my hair, which felt far more violating than I ever would have expected. She ran her hands down my back, over my ass, down my legs, then came 'round to the front to stroke my chest, down between and under my breasts, my stomach. Waistband search is apparently mandatory --she slid a finger into my waistband, both front and back, and ran it back and forth to make sure I wasn't concealing contraband in the waist of my panties or some such.

Perhaps the part that made it worst for me was the way she kept emphasizing "I'm going to use the back of my hand" when she went to touch the so called "private" parts of my body. I'm sorry, if you are rubbing something against my butt, my breasts, it really does not matter whether it's the front of the hand, the back of the hand, or a six inch rubber dildo. I will still feel violated by the pressure and by the fact that you are stroking my body in a way I do not consent¹ to. Her reassurances that it was "only" the back of her hand felt rather like being told that it's okay, the stabbing you're about to receive is "only" going to be done with a blunt knife.

I waited patiently afterwards, to gather my bag --ohwait, I forgot that I have evil Massachusettsian water in my bag. This simply won't stand! So I had to wait for the agent to dump out my water and send my bag through again (she wanted me to go do it, which would have involved going through the line again...um, fuck no, much? One, it's not my fault you can't tell the difference between a bottle of water and a bottle of EVIl, two, I am so not fucking going through that unpleasantness again.).

Now I am about to go refill my water bottle with more evil Massachusettsian water (somehow MAGICALLY DISTILLED by being from an airport water fountain *after* security instead of an airport water fountain *before* security) and continue to try not to cry about the fact that I feel like I was just molested.

Banner fucking way to start the day, especially after how impossibly shitty last night was.

Fighting the good fight, and all that. Just wish it didn't feel so damn futile.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I do not consent to being photographed naked by the TSA, and I sure as _hell_ do not consent to being molested by a TSA agent. However, apparently if I want to fly in this country, I have to let the people in power molest me, so I'd better just be a good girl and shut my mouth about it. Charming!

2: (from the title) Is anyone else thinking that Eric Idle's song from 2004 could really use an update? It scans and *everything*

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Seriously, this is getting beyond ridiculous. It was bad enough when they stopped letting people accompany their friends to the gate -- that was before 9/11, and what did it prevent? Then the shoes, then the liquids, then taking your laptop out for inspection, and I don't even remember what else, and now this crap.

It's all completely pointless and stupid. Security experts agree that it accomplishes NOTHING. All it does is encourage a police-state mentality.

I am probably going to get in trouble the next time I end up flying anywhere. Josh has prevented any summer visits to far-off places since 2007, so I've missed out on recent airport security "improvements"... but no, I totally won't deal well with being treated like that. I WANT TO TAKE MY DAMN SODAS WITH ME IN MY BOOKBAG.

(Does anyone know if there's some kind of ink that shows up in those full-body scans? Preferably something that is otherwise invisible... Then I could write "FUCK THE TSA" or maybe "I AM A TERRORIST" somewhere under my clothing.)(Yes, I know they have signs saying "no joking". It's not a joke, it's a protest... and besides, airports are public property and I am exercising my freedom of speech.)

I'd probably be on weak ground with "I AM A TERRORIST" because of the oft-raised "yelling fire in a crowded theater" exception for free speech. So "FUCK THE TSA", unless I can think of something better.

If I had the money to blow on lost tickets, what I would really do is just breeze on through security as if, y'know, I had paid for a flight and had a right to proceed to my plane without further hassle -- walk around the device, cut over to another entrance, whatever. Answer politely but firmly when asked to stop (after determining that there was no *good* reason to stop, of course). Completely ignore the existence of the security checkpoint without actually doing anything illegal or rude, and see what happens. There are certainly enough horror stories out there -- but is that what *usually* happens, or are they outliers?

And I am trying desperately to work up a song. If anyone has lyrics to throw in the pot, post a comment or contact me however.

I bought some silver infused burn goop at CVS for $8 a couple weeks back, to use on a burn I'd managed to get infected. It was useless for the burn, but I'd imagine it would show on scan.

I'm toying with the idea of writing Woo Baby across my boobies with the stuff, but I'm likely to be rushing through security.

If I were going through the scanner (I'm opting out), I'd totally do this.

mekthehatter just passed along this (http://www.pennandteller.com/03/coolstuff/penniphile/roadpennfederalvip.html), which contained the following very interesting quote from a representative of the security company:

We're federal employees, we're working for you, you pay us and we want customer satisfaction. It doesn't matter what the law is, we have to make you very happy so your flying experience is a pleasurable one...

So... can I tell them "You are federal employees; you work for me. I am your customer, and what I want is for you to let me and my baggage and my soft drinks and my laptop and my knitting needles and my pocket-knife through so I can get on my plane.", and then go through? If they say that their hands are tied by federal regulations, can I say "but your company said that the law doesn't matter -- you want me to have a pleasurable flying experience. These security procedures are doing the opposite of that, so I want you to stop. I am going to go through now, and if you want me to have a pleasurable flying experience, you will smile and tell me to have a nice flight."

(P.S. My dad often tells the story of how he unwittingly had a knife in his back pocket or something -- I think it was an international flight, even -- and security never spotted it. Just one more piece of evidence adding to the conclusion that this is all about intimidation and getting people to be scared so they will vote Republican, not about preventing hijackings.)

Knitting needles, even long metal ones, are okay. I was highly amused, in retrospect, when I acted on that knowledge and my bag was pulled aside . . . because of the full bottle of honey I'd forgotten was still in my backpack.

"Ma'am you can't bring this."
"Oh! I'd been wondering why it was so heavy!"

I'd been thinking the knitting needles thing was strange, because knitting needles could definitely be used as weapons. I am going to, as always, just go double check that now, because if they confiscated my half-knit fingerless glove tomorrow, I would be very sad. Especially since I just bought the circ this week.

You can fly with a href="http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm">some scissors.

Yeah, I accidentally had a four-inch tanto in my handbag, and security didn't give a damn about it. But they did take a knife-sharpener on another instance, because they thought it could be mistaken for a box-cutter. I told them if they've never seen the commercials for a Samurai Shark, they should take it home and try it. They probably didn't. :(

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