http://siogai.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] siogai.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] sorcyress 2009-07-25 01:16 am (UTC)

I have previously lived with my emotions turned off - it is possible, it is protective - but it's also terribly isolating.

For me it was a coping mechanism around my parents' divorce - I cut myself off from sharing emotions, chose to express almost nothing, and gradually got to a point where even internally with myself my emotions didn't matter. At that time I rarely recognized feeling emotions, and could override most of them if I chose to.

During that time I also went from being outgoing, social, and adventurous to being very self-contained and rather isolated. When you don't react normally, don't express regular emotions (positive and negative)... people find it hard to relate to you. I was the strange one, though I successfully kept myself safe.

At present I have been gradually reconnecting to my emotions and dealing with the messes that result. Someday I hope to have bits of both in play when I want them - some mix of being able to tune the emotions, feel & accept them, or set them aside as needed. May take me a while, but would be well worth it.

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