(no subject)

Content Warning: Street harassment

Would you like to know a fucked up thing about me? It is this: I actually feel vaguely wrong / "not good enough" when I hear women talk about being catcalled or groped on the subway and compare that against my own life.

Because I don't very often. Oh absolutely, I have my stories (#YesAllWomen, even the occasional ones) and doubleplus absolutely, I don't *want* this to happen to me. But it makes me feel vaguely undesirable sometimes when I realize other people get catcalled all the time. Like, am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough to sexually assault?

Pretty royally, fuck every societal piece of bullshit that casts these threads into my mind. I am *glad* that my small tits and no makeup and tomboy clothes and obliviousness¹ and maybe even a touch of the good ol' resting bitch face keep me from being harassed more. I truly am. I wish everyone could have closer to my experience than to a friend of mine who was saying she'd love to take the T to work every day, but hates getting groped twice a week.

(I wish everyone could just...have an experience where we can exist in public spaces without being threatened, but, you know. Small steps.)

But I also wish it didn't feel like such a failure of femininity that I somehow (mostly) get a pass.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I am quite sure this is no small part of it --I strive for a certain level of active obliviousness towards other people when I'm on my bike or the T. "if I don't notice you leering at me, I can't be upset about it" sort of thing. So I'm sure there have been rude comments that I honestly didn't hear (the only advantage I've ever found of the auditory LD!).

Content Warning: Street Harassment

(no subject)

So what's been up in the life of Sor?

The dominating thing from recent life has been that I am having a TMJ flare-up. Short version: Jaw quietly hurts very softly in the background all the time, and multiple times a day shoots into FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE cross-eyed pain. Because the TMJ nerve is all kinds of weird and branching, I can find some relief in rubbing or applying heat to the top of my shoulder, my neck, my jawline, or my ear.

These flareups are typically caused or worsened by gritting ones teeth at night and by stress. The former I already knew was a problem --mama's had a mouthguard for ages, and I've talked vaguely with Rosie¹ about my eventually getting one. Well, eventually has come home to roost. I had my fitting on Tuesday, it should arrive my mail in the next 1-3 weeks, and I don't need to come in again unless the retainers don't fit.

I am trying to be cool about the fact that they're basically retainers, but it's a little hard.

***

As for the stress thing, my job still requires (more or less) 11 hour days, every day. But I've been super busy lately, and had to keep leaving "early", and then having to frantically throw things together and then...

Or in other words, it's the worst week in the world for me to be diagnosed with a disorder worsened by stress. At least I can try and remember to focus on not clenching my jaw while I teach?

(I still love my job. The good parts are the best in the world. The bad parts *are* pretty extreme though.)

***

On the plus side, besides the godawful rain I've biked through most of my commutes this week, there are signs of spring everywhere, and that makes me happy.

Animals I see regularly: SO MANY GEESE, ducks, squirrels, bunnies (who love darting across the bike path in the dark, that's their favourite!) and the occasional chipmunk on campus. I've also seen a fair number of robins, and a few blue jays, and some of my new ducklings² pointed out a WOODPECKER pounding its head on the tree outside my office window.

The world is getting more green, and less grey. Of course, this weekend could kill it (please no, please no) so we'll see.

***

There's probably other stuff, but I've been *stupidly* short-changed on sleep lately. I'ma do that now. Love!

~Sor
MOOP!


1: Rosie Wagner DDS, also known as THE BEST DENTIST IN THE WORLD oh gosh, she's so great. She also throws hella great parties and loves movies and brass bands and geekdom and *squee!*

2: My old ducklings were three (plus or minus a few) 8th girls from my last long term job who would hang out all the time and harass me after school. They were THE BEST and I love and miss them.

My new ducklings are 5ish 9th graders who...do pretty much the same. The specific ones I'm talking about were in my office *literally* because they wanted to harass me. Like, that's what they told me, they just wanted to visit. I'M DOIN' IT RIGHT!!

Also in "doin' it right" news, at the NHS dinner last night, I had two separate 11th graders specifically tell me "That's my parent over there, you have to go over and say hi!" In one case, its because the dad was super into spiders, and yeah, student was right, that was a very important and valuable talk. I'd accuse her of trying to set me up, if her very nice mom wasn't hanging out right there and chatting too.