sorcyress: checklist of "bisexual kinky polyamorous horny" and ending with "and I'm still not sleeping with you" (bipolyhorny)
Oh damn, I missed the formal February third announcement by a few hours. I had better as sure damn hell get on that.

See, a couple years ago, it was 2008, I was goofing around with the Katters, and this happened:

Me: So, there was this kid Jake
Me: And he met a girl
Me: And they had really hot sexy sex
Jake: Well, that's usually how it starts
Me: And he put his penis in her vajeener
Me: VAJEENER!
Me: The end
Katters: That was the greatest porn ever
Katters: Ever

And somehow that spawned my single favourite use of this livejournal, now that I'm over eighteen and it's not creepy: The less than 31 words porn contest.

HOW IT WORKS!

You write a porn. You make sure that it is, at maximum, 30 words. If you need inspiration, you go look here(2008) or here(2009)

You then post it in a comment on THIS POST! Comments are screened, so no one can see what a naughty naughty little writer you are. If you wanna leave anonymous porn, go wild. If you wanna leave me a dozen stories, by all means, go wild. If you wanna be kinky, go wild. If you wanna be vanilla, go wild. If you wanna be funny, go wild. If you wanna be erotic, good luck, and go wild!

After a couple weeks, I will collect all the entries (plus any that got e-mailed or IMd to me, and post them all in a nice big anonymous post for everyone to read and enjoy. No one is revealed as a pervert, I get to read lots of clever porn, and everyone is happy.

SO GET WRITING, MY ILLUSTRIOUS WANKERS!1

~Sor
MOOP!

1: "Illustrious wanker" may be my new favourite phrase ever.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Two years ago today, it was 2007. I had spent the weekend in Maryland. I flew home, then got on the train, and ended up at Porter Square station. If I dig through my e-mail, I can guess the time to be somewhere between ten thirty and eleven at night.

Porter Square has a lot of escalators. I was exhausted, and worn out, and just wanted to leave the station and walk back to my dorm.

And so I left the station. And stepped into a Cambridge dusted with snow, one that muted the sound of cars on Mass Ave, and swallowed people away, since no one would want to be out on a night like this. And so, when I left the station, I was essentially alone, standing there in a world becoming increasingly covered with snow.

And for just a short moment, my heart sang out.

Home.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Some collected XYATs:

2004-05-23
we go to walmart and I get these great Jazz shoes. (Aly gets ballet shoes) It's the first time I've ever held any love in my heart for a pair of shoes...So I have new Jazz shoes which I will use for danceing and tech jobs.
Gah, typos. Also, gah Walmart. >.>

Butyeah. I have officially owned dancing shoes for over five years. I am very *very* happy about that fact.

2004-05-29
I babysat Koob last night for several hours.
Marking the start of my greatest job ever. It lasted just about two years, every Friday night, sitting on Koob for five or six hours. Or, to be technical, sitting on Koob for two or four hours until he went to bed, and then curling up in the original 42 Bar for truth or dare, drinks, and generally enjoying myself like mad.

...A lot of my life happened in the four square feet surrounding the upstairs computer in Ednoria. One particular chatlog, the entirety1 of three relationships, the starts of at least two courtships, my favourite (least favourite?) discovery...Yeah. Good times, I suppose.

...I miss the bar a lot. Nothing's ever come close to matching it. The Pie Shop's nice and all, but it's just not the same. It's just like the old days of Sluggy.net, or something. Man, nostalgia was so much better in the old days.

2006-05-24
Also, I reciecved a flower today, from someone most froody. So YAYFORTHAT! Because getting flowers rocks. Danke Katters! *smiles*
It's in Boston now. A sugar rose, to sit on my desk, and remind me that (regardless of what has and will happen) I am loved sometimes.

2005-06-01
Hooray for flowers! It really did make my day, hon. *Smiles*


That's interestingly close, between the first two flowers ever given to me. I'm not sure I could have definitively told you which came first.

They both matter, in that silly little romantic-girl way. Just matter differently.

2006-05-31
Me and V played Mega Bomberman for the first time in a while today! We learned that we still suck at beating the computer players, and that she makes stupid poses when she wins where *I* get to wave around a cool looking fan.
Hahaha. Like...two weeks ago, the two of us played some Mega Bomberman. We STILL suck at beating the computer players. Luckily, we've been less competitive with each other.

Also, we *really* need to learn that damn Pink Louie dance...

(Same entry)
And I braided it today, all by myself! *bounces* This is new and exciting for me, and it's actually a tolerable braid. Not dad quality, sure, and probably not sutible for games of blind tag or kung-fu, but perfectly decent for the day to day basis. Clealy this is a talent I must practise
I'm calling this the first time I ever braided my hair, by myself. Meaning I've been doing that for more than three years, off and on.

Most useful talent *ever*. Seriously, long haired folk --learn how to braid your own hair. It makes all of life better.

2006-06-03
You lot will have to wait until I've had time to be a camera whore before you get to see what I bought. Unless you come to movie night tonight. Then you can just see. 

Hoorah for RenFest Garage Sales!
I've owned wench garb for over three years! Yay!! I still wear the *hell* out of that skirt, too, and the only reason I don't wear the corset more often is 'cause the boning is starting to come out.

I took the picture offline though. It was a little too sexualized for something I want on the internet. ((2009, the summer of starting to actually give a shit about my reputation?))

2006-06-08
We are minus one cat. Tess was put down this afternoon. And I'm...doing alright. It sucks though.
*shrugs* Yeah. Tempest was put down when I was...in seventh grade, or so? About four years prior.

Whimsy and TSoD are doing just fine, though.

2007-05-23
C) Did I mention yet that I NEVER HAVE TO TAKE A HIGH SCHOOL CLASS AGAIN, EVER!!!!
Glee!

2007-05-23
My mouth feels very very...strange. There is a reason for this. The scientific name for that reason is something like "I don't have braces anymore WOO!"
NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKING GLEE!! I hated having braces so much. Soooo fucking much. Hatehate. Haaate.

Andyes! That's what had been happening!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Okay, technically Blue and I broke up about two weeks after I got fired. But by that point...well...I already knew we were done. Soyeah.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
((What, did you all think I forgot about the X Years Ago Today project? Well, I did. But I've remembered again, and am possibly going to post a quick rundown of the last three weeks for the last five years.))

Four years ago today, it was 2005. And sweet little Sorcyress prior even to her first significant other (though just post her first heartbreak) got her very first french kiss. Awwwww.

...From Koob.
The kid I babysit.
Who, at the time, was four.

My life is a truly delightful one sometimes. :P

~Sor
MOOP!

((ETA: Apparently one year ago today, (2008) I made bread. I have absolutely no reccolection of this. If you'd asked me before I reread this post if I had ever made bread, I would've answered "no" with all the honesty in my heart. But yeah, there we go.))
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Sososo!

Two years ago todayish, it was 2007 and I finally posted my prom report! Yay dancing at prom. <3

One year ago tomorrowish it was 2008, and I was in the midst of going to NEFFA

Today it is 2009, and I am, again, going to NEFFA. No Thursday night contra for me this time, and it looks like no lots of people I really quite like, but regardless, FUCKIN' NEFFA, MATES!

I am pretty excited for this. And, for whatever reason (no, I'm not sure either) I've decided to experiment, and *not* bring Vera. Radio silence for the wins or something.

Soyeah. See you kids Sunday, when I will have no more legs.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
(A little more than) Four years ago today, it was 2005, and it was easter. Yay!

Being a non-religious family, Easter has been entirely a holiday for hunting eggs and getting goodies in our easter baskets. Well. This particular year, for whatever reason, the big major non-chocolate goodie was a holyshithuge towel for each of us kids.



Mine was orange.

I've named it (him?) Traw. He is the best towel in the entire world, has visited multiple states (and at least three countries, I do believe) and is more or less the epitome of what Adams was talking about.

So yeah. Yay towel!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Three years ago today, it was 2006, and I wrote what was pretty much a completely solid entry. It had me arguing with myself (denoted with italics), discussing my day, crypticness, and a totally amusing location:

Juicebox! ...Hoorah for Zaphesque behaviour

((Of course, now all I can think of when I see "location: juicebox" is "My location is...bookshop."))

So, one of the more complicated denizen stories is that of Zaphod. For a very long time, Kat and I were both very very obsessed with Hitchhikers, and for whatever reason, she had a version of Ford1 running around in her head, and I had a version of Zaph. A fair amount of fan art got drawn involving these two, and us, and varying combinations thereof.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, she drew a picture of Zaphod, where he was casually drinking a juicebox with one head. The juicebox was just a detail, it didn't have anything to do with anything, but it immediately and totally felt perfect for his character. (I think it was this one, though I feel it was older)

Soyeah. Zaphod likes juice boxes.

Also, Ford looks damn good in a kilt.

Unrelatedly, "Quite Athwart goes All Decorum" remains the most wordporny sentence Shakespere's ever written, I do believe. *shivers happily*

~Sor
MOOP!

1The other day I totally used "Sarcasm, Ford." on Emily. It made me smile.
sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker-MOOP!)
Because, you know, it's been a couple days since I've done one.

So, three years ago, it was 2006, and I decided that I hadn't been creepy enough lately or something. So I asked people to describe how they moved and smelled --those little things that the internet just doesn't know anything about.

In the three years...I'm still show-offey, especially in regards to my flexibility and now (depending on the company) my dancing ability. I fidget constantly. My beautiful wonderful ring that I wear day in and day out does not actually stay on my hand if I am doing *anything* involving fine motor skills, including typing, and occasionally gets twirled when I'm just standing around chatting.

I still don't know what I smell like. I've discovered that Dominik is the pinnacle of male smell technology for me --that combination of cigarettes and Austrian gentleman goth and dominance and cologne just combines in the most absolutely amazing of ways. One of my favourite moments of freshman year was when I wound up borrowing a vest for a dance, and had it in my room for a week. Yes, I was creepy enough to just randomly wear it, and take long adoring sniffs.

I've added a handful of other people to my good-smells list, though I still maintain that my nose is not nearly talented enough to pick up on such things.

Yep! ((iirc, the Paul I stole that from had a good boy-smell to him too. Hum. Wish I could remember better.))



Unrelatedly, I've started poking vaguely at the whole scheissentagzunfixen1 thing again. In this particular case, it's involved creating three new shiny tags, inspired largely by the essays I've been writing (and writing and meaning to post)

I-Write-Good-Shit: Personal is kinda a repository for thoughtstreams, and stuff about me. Angsting about crying or getting old or love goes here. (If I think it's good --it's a subjective trope.)
I-Write-Good-Shit: Public is a repository for things that I think of as "essays", despite the fact that most of them aren't written in any proper manner. It also includes things like my discussion of food that so many of you are chagrined by, and other things that are humourous.

The two will eventually (hopefully) comprise a sort of "best-of" look at this journal.

((Ignore the fact that I already have a tag called Past!Sor-is-Awesome. Multiple tags for the same thing is kinda one of defining themes of my personal scheissentagzunfixen.))

The third is just a management tag --it is called Read-The-Sorkin-Manual3, 6 and serves as a user-manual for me and this journal. Eventually, I will simply replace my userinfo with a link to it or something.

Yep.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Scheissentagzunfixen. Rough translation: Your tags are shit, make them better. Coined by the abfab2 Dan4th at some point or another.

2: No, don't worry, you did not actually hear me say that. And definitely not as one word.

3: This is, of course, riffing off the traditional tech support cry of "RTFM!!!". I actually thought about using Read-The-Fucking-Manual at first, but as always4, I'm trying to scout out better words to swear with, ideally ones that can be used in front of my future students. Also, I rather like the idea of swearing in my own name, and it's especially fitting in this context.

It should also be noted that the "k" is a perfectly acceptable spelling of my name --The Katters pronounced my name with a hard c (k sound, sor-key-ress) instead of the soft c (s sound, sor-see-ress) at some point, and I found I rather liked it. So, for future reference, if you see me spell my name Sorcy, or Sorcyress, or Sor Cyress, those are all meant to be with the s sounds, where Sorky or Sorkyress or Sor Kyress are hard sounds.

4: This is legit. I'm a *big* fan of interesting swears. I think this comes out more in my actual speech than in my writing style --I don't feel I type "Son of a cock" or "Son of a priest"5 nearly as often as I say them.

5: Favourite swear ever, no lie. I do occasionally use "Son of a priest, a whore, and a purple *spoon*" when I'm being especially drastic.

6: Taking bets for how long it takes me to typo and wind up with a tag called "Read-The-Sorkin-Manuel" can begin.....now.


ETA: Footnote-Orgy, which does not refer to a post with a lot of footnotes. It merely refers to a post with at least one footnote that stems from a previous footnote. ((Which is why, in the body of this text, the footnotes skip from 3 to 6 --4's source is in footnote 3, and 5's source is in footnote 4.

I may also go ahead and make a "promiscuous footnotes" tag or something like that, for the posts with upwards of five footnotes or something.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
I find it interesting that my father and I both have a type in girl-watching --girls wearing short skirts, stockings, and boots.

I find it distressing that that's a look that looks really really good on me, and I enjoy wearing somewhat frequently.




I think it is time for a minor room adjustment --get more milk crate shelves, move around some of the pictures on the wall of warm fuzzies, and give myself more vertical storage. Wonder if my printer would fit in a milk crate. Hrm.

I do so love vertical storage, for what it's worth. Being short, there's all this...space up there that I'm not using and feel I should be. Shelves are good for this.




Presentation poster thing went much better than hoped. Yay me!




Game theory is my New Best Friend.




X years ago today --two years ago today, it was 2007, and I got accepted to college! Squee!!




All for now.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: xkcd panel with a single character alone at the computer and the text "Some nights, typing *hug* just doesn't cut it." (xkcd hug)
Two years ago today, it was 30 March 2007.

I spent the day frantic. Pacing madly, stressed out. School could not go by fast enough, and not even spending a calm afternoon with Ksatyr could reduce the way my heart was pounding.

There are a lot of terrible sentences in the English language. "The check is in the mail." "We need to talk." "The test came out positive." Two years ago today, I got to add one to my personal list of horrible horrible things to say --"The plane has been delayed." Delayed? What the hell do they mean, delayed. That plane was *important* goddamnit.

That plane was the most important thing in the world to me just then. Not for any particular reason of mechanics or materialism, but because of one specific nineteen year old passenger.

My clone.

I cannot adequately put into words the thoughts and feelings and wonder and sheer utter joy that took place when I first saw her, first got to hold her. Suffice to say it was amazing. For single moments in my life? It's up there. It's way up there.

Two years ago today, it was 30 March 2007. It was three years and two months after we had become clones. Three years and two months of e-mails and journals and phone calls and letters and conversations and understanding and love and sharing and desperate desperate want. Our conversations completely changed at that point --it's harder to settle for Less once you've had More-- but really, it was worth it.

That meeting, and the two later in 2007, and the two later in 2008, and the ones that will happen in 2009 and 2010 and so on and so on until we eventually warp the world so that us together is instead the norm, all those meetings make it worth it. All the pain, all the loneliness, and the depression and melancholy and hatred and longing and want, are made worth it.

And two years ago today, it was worth it for the very first time.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
((A/N: I apologize, as this entry is *especially* meandery. I must be tired or something.))

Three years ago today.

Three years ago today, it was 2006. And I was looking for something, and found something else entirely.

That something else entirely was a journal, written by my clone. Among other things, it not so subtly said she loved me. Me, of all things, of all people. Crazy, confused, insecure little me.

It...started a very weird part of time for me. Not quite dating Kat, but not really seeing Blue often enough to feel like we were even in our relationship. Everything got strained and confusing, and somewhere along the way, a word that I had heard whispered here or there pointed itself out to me: Polyamory.

I eventually broke, as I am inclined to do when I'm high on emotion and low on ability to deal, and talked to a friend about it all, and the end result of that was me giving Katters a very firm "I've been really fucking confused, but we're just friends" talk. And things were weird between us for a while, but not very, and not for long, and we're both so good at masking ourselves that we pretended everything was perfectly alright between us. That word I had found got tucked firmly away, gnawing at the back of my mind.

The first person I ever came out to as polyamorous was Magus, which I inadvertently did via one of my first NancyButtons --"BiPolySwitch, I'm not indecisive, I'm greedy.1". He asked me about the poly thing, and I may or may not have babbled something useless back. (I babble a lot around people I trust) I got the gist across though, certainly. I was poly. And breaking up with my girlfriend in less than a month.

I was solidly single for about two months after that point, and while the next boy I went with accepted the poly thing (for reasons that would be really obvious if I was un-cryptic enough to properly explain who he was) the one after that, Ksatyr, didn't. No fault of his, at all --some people are monoamorous, some people are not. By the time Ksatyr and I broke up, I had pretty much figured out that I was solidly not.

I'm not going to swear I'll never be in a monoamorous relationship again, but I think it's somewhat unlikely to happen. I like people, more or less all of them, and if it's at all possible, several at a time. I'm really really happy where I am right now, with my complications and significant others and girlfriend-in-laws. I am connected to really really good people, and I like having that in my life.

So, three years ago today, my brain broke, with shock, and confusion, and weirdness. And, in putting itself back together, it realized one of the most important things about me that there is to know.

It's been a good three years for me.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Mom later forbade me from wearing the button, telling me only so much as that switch was not a thing I should be advertising. It took me bloody forever to figure out what the hell it meant --it's a BDSM term, meaning willing to play both Dom and Sub.

I'm not really in the BDSM scene at all --largely Not My Kink. But I, to a certain extent, both dom and sub relationships. I'm not indecisive. I'm greedy.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Three years ago okay technically yesterday Today, it was 2006, and I was posting about Everything Will Go Right Day.

Now, The memory of EWGRD generally links to another, significantly more complicated memory that I do not talk about in polite company1. But for once, I'm going to focus on the actual day, and all the things that went right, as opposed to the one thing that (probably) went terribly, terribly wrong.

See, Everything Will Go Right Day was a concept by the always lovely [livejournal.com profile] ancientsong. Her original premise was thus:

Pass the word, everyone. Friday, March 24th is hereby named "Everything Will Go Right" Day.

On that day:
you will get where you're going on time - all day.
if you have tests, you will ace them with flying colors
everyone in your life will be happy and peaceful and not want or need anything
your car will work perfectly as will your computer, cell phone, PDA, and running shoes
there will be no traffic in your way all day
you will have a chance to work out or do some other healthy thing for yourself should you so choose
you will be appreciated in some nice way by your co-workers
the lady (or gentleman) at the store will smile at you instead of scowling
you will eat food that is good and good for you (unless you totally crave chocolate in which case it will be extremely satisfying but have no calories)
you will have a chance to sit down with a good book if you so choose
wonder of wonders, you'll hear your favorite song on the radio (or iPod or CD player)
you'll get a chance to do something fun and creative that will give you lots of pleasure

"Everything Will Go Right" Day because Doggone It! We deserve it!"


And what the hell. Because I Can2, I'm going to go ahead and declare an Everything Will Go Right Day for this Friday. That's right kids --mark your calendars for Friday, March 27th, because it is going to turn out to be absolutely fantastic, for everyone.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Don't you dare snarkass me being all "we're not polite, Miss Cyress." I know you wankers aren't at all polite, hell, half this journal would be considered beyond impolite. But there are things I don't talk about to people, and things I've doublethought away, and things that are just mine to hold and have and enjoy, and you don't get to know them. Nyah.

2: Because no one can stop me, because I'm addicted to bad ideas and all the beauty in this world. Which started playing as I wrote this post, which is kinda wonderful.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Assorted X Years Ago Today and yesterday:

Five years ago yesterday, it was 2004, and I uttered (possibly for the first time) a line that I feel obligated to use something like every other week in here: Wow. A truly pointless entry. lovely.

I...am not altogether certain of the ultimate goal of this journal. I don't know if I've ever been. It's certainly not a diary, but because of that, I feel wrong when I use it just to log what I've done today. "Went to the meal hall, got food with friends, and did homework." Yeah, that's just *fascinating* isn't it?

It's not an essay log. I don't write essays, write *about* things nearly as often as I would like. I am a writer, and to a certain extent, particularly an essayist. My fantasy is largely stolen and I'm sure somewhat Mary-Sueish and presumably actually quite terrible. My essays actually manage to have an occasional brilliant turn of phrase, and largely, in my not at all humble opinion, be worth reading.

It's not a forum of discussion, as much as I would like it to be, because only a very small number of blogs successfully reach the ideal of facilitating discussion. Better designed for the goal are actual forums. I do love it when you guys talk, and argue, and disagree, and provide support for me and each other, but I don't necessarily expect it out of anyone.

It's just my livejournal. Just this...thing that I write sometimes and read sometimes, and hooray. Good for me, nice to have this lovely little log of the world for me to look back on.

I just wish I had a better handle on why I keep writing it.1

((Now if you'll excuse me, I just remembered that I have an essay that's been sitting on my desktop for an undisclosed amount of time, just waiting for me to me calm enough to post it.))




Five years ago today, it was 2004 and I did a meme on names. I thought about redoing it, but really, it hasn't much changed in five years.

My public names are Sorcyress, kdsorceress, Origami, Kat, Katarina, Sor, and Sorcy.
My private names are...um... Well, private, and secret. Considering that I maintain at least two blogs that I specifically neither tell people about or give people the easy trail to find them, I *really* don't feel I should go ahead and let you know what. :P

I suppose what it is with those names, is that with the private ones, you *don't* know me as those names. You know her, or her, or her as those names. They are aspects of my personality almost wholly removed, as to be different people.

Different masks, maybe?

For what it's worth, the only person who knows me as Little Girl is myself. One of these days, I'll get around to posting that entry. Maybe that's name.




Oh existential blues. Aren't you grand2.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I mean, beyond the whole "I have to write" thing. Which is pretty much not exaggeration, to keep being stable and sane and Who I Truly Am, I have to write. Writing is my coping mechanism, my comfort food, my art, and my primary way of expressing myself. I don't always write stories or essays, but very *very* few days go by where I do not physically write (or type) something down.

2: And the first place I ever heard the phrase "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Of course, it's a pity that I'm not in a good mood, and therefore wouldn't drink even if I had the option. I am very often stupid, but not about booze.
sorcyress: checklist of "bisexual kinky polyamorous horny" and ending with "and I'm still not sleeping with you" (bipolyhorny)
Three years (and a day) ago, it was 2006.

And I lost my virginity1.

The squeeing in that entry is pretty accurate as to how I feel every single time I go to Rocky --I'm up to...fifteen? Sixteen times, I believe. Yeah.

It's not at all something I can explain. I like sex2, and I like snark, and Rocky has both in spades. Of course it's the best damn thing ever. It just feels...comfortable. And thanks to my association with the master of snark, [livejournal.com profile] shadowcaptain, I know more than a few lines --I can hold my own throughout more or less the entirety of the movie. I have had people (non-ironically) yell at me to shut the fuck up, because they're trying to watch a movie. I've been shirtless watching three different casts3, and helped deflower at least a dozen friends. I really really like Rocky. It makes me happy.

And yeah. Three years, baby! I should go masturbate4 to celebrate.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: By which I mean "Rocky Horror virginity."

2: By which I mean "I like people being sexy and confident and scantily clad and silly."

3: By which I mean "clad only in a bra from the waist up"

4: By which I mean "Watching the DVD all by myself and being lonely and lame.5"

5: By which I mean "masturbating. *waggles eyebrows*"
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Five years ago today, it was 2004. And I had voices.

Raf, Ani, Kris, and Ame were the first set of voices I could positively identify by name. Call them proto-denizens, if you will --I tended to call them RAKA. Ani and Kris showed up around the spring of my eighth grade year (2003) (I *think*), Ame a few months after them, and Raf in February of my freshman year of high school (2004).

They would argue, and I would let them, or not, as I saw fit. Occasionally I would draw them. Rarely, they would interact with other people. In ninth grade English, when I learned about the whole id/superego thing, Kris and Ani easily fell into those roles --Ame was merely perfect, and Raf was more or less a boy version of me.

My early livejournal was full of them talking --long, incoherent scripts that tumbled from my fingers and probably didn't really make sense to much of anyone but me. My diary from that period was the same way, pages upon pages of letting the voices talk. Checking the second diary1 from the time (which has an essay I want to copy in here, it's well written.) I can find the colours I used for them on paper --chosen from a set of coloured pens, we had me in black, Ani in orange, Kris in green, Ame in pink, and Raf in Blue. I don't know that there was any meaning to the colours, although near the end of my ninth grade year, (Mayish of 2004), there very rarely began to be conversations that I would have in my black and a bloody red. Mallory Alice, she called herself (Malice for short) and she was all kinds of frightening to talk to.

Eventually, all five of them disappeared. Before September of 2004, certainly. Not really able to find out better than that without doing a lot of journal trawling that I just don't feel like right now.

Somewhere between Sep04 and Feb05, Gabriel showed up, declared himself my guardian pseudoangel, and started hanging around in the back of my head. Miss Mallory Alis showed up at the very end of January 05, with a correction to how her name was spelled, and a slightly less evil bend to her words. Hyde showed up somewhere in the following year, which pretty much brings us to now.

One of the things that the denizens get weird about is their eventual and inevitable deaths. Hyde just doesn't believe that he will die, Alis is convinced that all who disappear from my mind return (aided largely by the fact that that's exactly what she did) and Gabe is...scary pragmatic. He knows his time is limited, and just doesn't care. The day is certainly approaching --I need Gabriel and Alis less, now that I'm beginning to reach out to actual real world people to support me and cry to when I need to. In a way, it scares me more than them. Somehow, I think I know they'll be alright in the long run, though.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I have two "diaries" --everything else is a notebook or a file on the computer, regardless of how much more or less personal it may be than the stuff that gets put in the actual diaries. The first spans from 1995 to maybe April of 2004, the second is technically current, and only has a handful of pages filled. I would be looking for stuff on RAKA in my first diary, since I know about half of it was from the period of time where they were most active --I don't know where it is though. There's a space for it on my bookshelf here in Maryland, right next to where the second diary is, but the first appears to be missing.

...And I just relooked, in all the logical places, and short of tearing my room apart and cleaning it completely, I don't know where to look. Okay, this is Not Fucking Good. I was obviously2 rereading it and left it somewhere, but fucking *where!?* I know it's not anywhere in Boston, it's not in any of the stacks of books to read in my room, it's not in the pile of notebooks next to the bookshelf, it's not down between the wall and my bed, where the fuck did I put it, nnn!3, 4

2: I say obviously because the alternative is not something I want to consider.

3: nnn, general sound of Sorcyress frustration. Kind of a whining keening whimpering noise. Bad noise, really.

4: Where the fuck did I put it is an important fucking question in this case. I don't really give much of a shit who finds it5, about the worst they'll learn about me is who my first kiss was (not actually common knowledge considering I occasionally doublethink the event out of existence) and possibly that I masturbate. Oh fucking no. BUT and this is important, I have lost something that I have written. I am not able to emphasize how fucking scary and upsetting that is to me. I *hate* losing things I've created, hate hate HATE!

5: Well, kindof. Even with the whole not being important thing, there is a privacy that all diaries deserve. No one's diary is ever meant to be read, not by anyone except themselves.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
One year ago today, it was 2008. And I was apparently getting set to fly home for Spring Break.

(I presume that I left early last year, not having Thursday or Friday classes, and that's why it lines up so nicely. Or something like that.)

It is a sort of unofficial tradition for me that I don't get onto planes going to Maryland without some degree of sleep deprivation. There's often not an actual reason for it (unless packing, aaaa!) but it's happened on almost every trip home so far.

This one is no different, except that I'm getting on that plane with a lot *more* sleep than I normally have --four and a half whole hours! Why so much? Well, I went to a midnight screening of Watchmen last night. Afterwards, I just felt like going to sleep. Woo!

AND THAT'S ALL BYE!

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
One year ago today, it was 2008, and my high school guidance counselor died.

You can read her eulogy there. There's not really all that much I can add to it, a year later. She helped, a lot, and she's gone now. But that happens --people leave our lives all the time. New people come in, to make up for it.

I guess it's just one of those things to remember. "Always say I love you" or whatever it is. Make the people you care about feel cared about.

I've said it a couple times lately, but I really truly legitimately care about each and every one of you people reading this, whether you're doing so from your journal or anonymously. I don't think there's a person on my list who I don't hold dear, for whatever reason. I love humans, all of them. They are fascinating creatures, and I wish they -we!- were better at interacting with one another.

Hope you're doing okay, Mrs. Kamerman, wherever you are these days. You were a good woman.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
This is gonna be a long one, kids --I'm redoing a meme from five years ago: 2004.

Cut for sanity. )

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker-MOOP!)
One year ago today, it was 2008, and I went over to [livejournal.com profile] jere7my and [livejournal.com profile] adfamiliares's house in order to watch bad movies for the very first time!

(Snarking movies with jere7my is one of those things I try to do at least once a month or so. I credit this awesome habit with giving me understanding of the mbta bus system. Did you know that the 86 goes in two different directions? I do now!)

More interestingly, I spend a good amount of entry babbling about the fact that j7y's house feels like The Empty City --that house in Maryland that I grew up in. Subsequent visits over there hasn't changed this fact.

Nothing I've found in Boston serves as a perfect recreation of The Empty City. There is this permanent feel of fandom that it needs, and lots of people just showing up, and just a feeling that, no matter when you go over there, there will be interesting people doing interesting things.

Dan4th's house is probably the closest I've got now, there or the Big Blue House in Milford. Just...constant Things going on and people and happiness and animals and lots of conversation and laughter...it's what makes a place feel like Home to me.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
I'm, uh, gonna skip the entertaining babbling about masturbation1, 2 and instead go with another Behind the Walls 1.0 entry.

So! Four years ago today, it was 2005. (Four, really? Jesus Christ. Where did time go?)

Selected thoughts:

I have been saying Good Morning a lot lately, completely disregarding the actual time of day when I talk to the person. It's fun.

That was _four years ago_ that I posted that. At this point, I pretty much say good morning exclusively. My excuse is that I'm way too lazy to figure out what time of day it actually is. And the fact that I've got friends scattered everywhere, so I can't properly remember what time of day it is for them, either.

As a corollary to this, I seem to occasionally use "good night" as a form of good bye, again regardless of time.

I would just like to take a candid moment that no one will ever see...

Only the fact that this is a close personal fact of a friend of mine kept me from actually posting the entirety of that sentence. C'mon, with a lead in like that, wouldn't you?

I like that boy very very very very much. But do I love him? Ah, now theres a loaded question, and one I told him I wouldn't talk about. He pointed out that it's basically the end of a relationship, and I'd have to agree. Yet at the same time, I'm used to saying I love you, and telling people their loved regardless of how platonic our relationship is. (Emphasis mine)

BAD HIGH SCHOOLERS. NO BISCUIT.

(As for the telling people they're loved regardless of platonicness or whatever, this is the one time the lack of inflection on the internet has gotten me in trouble --someone did something fabulous, and I said "I love you!" in that full hearted "ohman, you are awesome" way that I do. He...understandably minorly panicked, until I explained.)

ANDYES! The rest of the entry was pretty uninteresting. BtW gets that way, at times.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: LezzieBeth lent me The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. It's got some fascinating things in there. Good sort of book, I think I'm probably a knowledge class above actually needing it, for most of the whatnot. Yeeeah. The Sorcyress is plenty vanilla, but the ways people make each other feel good are absolutely *fascinating* to learn about.

2: One year ago today, it was 2008.

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