sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Poking around on my computer, I found a bunch of old notes from Nyota. Here are some bits and bobs from my phone:


You're not my boyfriend unless I trust you to take care of me. If being with you requires full self-sufficiency on my part, then you are a toy. Nothing wrong with toys, but sometimes what I need is someone who actually gives a shit about me without me wheedling. 
(2012 08 21)


All I could accomplish is sit and look pretty, and I am far too bitter to accept a life of mere ornamentation. 
(2012 09 02)


Never give me the "an aliens gotta do what an aliens gotta do" speech before you strap on you sonics and leave me making tea with Idris the prune faced alien1
(2012 09 08)

1: If you got *both* halves of this reference, give yourself a cookie.


"Don't make us make more rules"
(2013 12 22)



"Boys," said Hermione Granger, "should not be allowed to love girls without asking them first! This is true in a number of ways and especially when it comes to gluing people to the ceiling!"
--Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

"Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."
--Tyrion Lannister

"Everything in life is unusual until you get accustomed to it
--the Scarecrow.

Proof is our way of capturing an infinite amount of information in a finite way. 
--Paul Lockheart, A Mathematician's Lament

Let's look at a few lucky volume-weight relationships that for the moment protect you, as a new cook, from the menace of that old dragon Mathematics--and his allies, Physics, Chemistry, and Semantics. 
--Joy of Cooking, 1975 ed, 8th printing, pg 589

"Of course I know what a bassoon is, I dance Scottish"

"No one else will explain it this way, but I'm right"
--Ratatosk on why Sassafrass is acapella done like the victorian music revolution never happened

Kids who are not frightened by differences admire Branwell for his. Because way down deep they know that civilized people have to preserve rare birds. 
--Silent to the Bone, pg 134

Meanwhile, I always get back up.  Not because I am strong, but because I do not know how to quit.  Because when I am in pain, and I’m often in pain, I take those endorphins and I let them take me on.  When I collapse, truly, and I do, it’s because I don’t know how to give up, and I just want a break.  Asking permission to stop, and never stopping, is about as much respite as I give myself. 
--Racheline is exquisite

I had a small supper party for him-- cooked by me alone, and edible, too. Will Thisbee gave me "The Beginner's Cook-Book for Girl Guides".  It was just the thing; the writer assumes you know nothing about cookery and writes useful hints-- "When adding eggs, break the shells first".
--The Gurnsey Potato Pie and Literary Society, pg 197

There's nothing wrong with looking like a match. After all, that's what lights the fire. 
--Jude Watson, book reviews in the back of Spinelli's "The Library Card"

The history of human progress was not made by being happy with what we have.
--Iantwin, specifically bodies

Writing about dancing is like doing an interpretive dance about economics.
--Laura (from candidate class, et al)


and lastly, here is a list called 'Scottish Dances' which is my collection of really awesome dances I wanna do more. You are probably not interested in this unless you are a fellow SCD. )

sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Boston Sorcy)
"I'm sorry my neuroses interrupted your flirtation"

--Probably the new subtitle of my User Manual, which has been getting a lot of pages lately, mostly of the 'no, you can't see this' variety. Yes, that makes it the least useful user manual ever, shuttup.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
"I'm sorry my neuroses interrupted your flirtation"

--Probably the new subtitle of my User Manual, which has been getting a lot of pages lately, mostly of the 'no, you can't see this' variety. Yes, that makes it the least useful user manual ever, shuttup.
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
Trigger warning: Rape, rape culture, mental, emotional, sexual abuse. The usual.

There's been another swing in rape/abuse/bullshit seeping into my world. Not directly affecting me, thank gods, but this is the way it always goes. There will be periods of quiet, where I don't think about it so much, and then there will be periods of noise, where I am drowned in the fact that holy shit is society toxic.

Periods in which the dominant message to me becomes "yes Sor, you were raped, you were abused, you can scar all you want, but don't you ever fucking dare forget, because as soon as you do, we'll send another steaming heap of reminder into your lap."

Which is just exhausting. I have done so much work on this, more work than almost anything else in my entire life1, and it astounds me sometimes to know how I was and how I am now. I have grown so much, from the crying little girl who said "I...kinda understand completely if you don't want to date the stupid crazy chick." the first time she ever told someone. I am not stupid, I am not crazy, this happened and it wasn't my fault. I've paid my dues and repaired my self-worth and taken all the fucking wounds and turned them into scars.

Shouldn't that be enough?

But of course it's not. Because this is a closet --you can't look at someone and know they were abused-- and because it's a closet, I am going to have to come out of it over and over and over again. Every time I have sex for the rest of my life I am going to do so with the knowledge that I was raped before, and I could be raped again, and what do I do to prevent that?

(Because even though it wasn't my fault I was raped, it is my job to keep from being raped again. Society is goddamn toxic, have I mentioned? The things I say without even thinking, without questioning, because that's just the way things work, it horrifies me. I am someone who has spent a very long time learning a great many things about the rape culture, and being able to note examples when it comes up. And this is still how I talk, like it could possibly be my fault. This is why I think society is all the fucked up.)

At any rate, I don't have anything more useful to say except a couple of quotes:


There's been a recent video game trailer that is All! The! Rape! Culture!, and so an excellent writer over at Critical Damage tries to explain to the typical-gamer-dudebros what's wrong with that. Somewhere near the end he says:

Rape shouldn't be a women's issue, it should be a men's issue because we are the ones that keep fucking doing it and keep perpetuating the culture. It's about time we took responsibility for that ourselves.

Does rape happen to non-women? Absolutely. Is fighting the rape culture something everyone should work on? Yes please. Are men (especially white, hetero, abled men) given the most credibility in this fucked up society and therefore the most able to be taken seriously when they complain?

Yes. And that's wrong and awful but doesn't stop being true just because it's wrong and awful. Standing up against the rape culture and against rape jokes and against "lol 'seduction'" and against the ideas that women are objects and violence is sexy is hard. But I bet it's a lot easier if you're not worried that by doing so, you're opening yourself up to more of the same. I wouldn't know.


Glancing in my quotes file, I find this, which came from Yet Another Post On Fetlife Talking About Being Raped2:

"We both drove and have to pay the parking meter. In an act of extreme chivalry, he pushes my hand aside to insist he pay for my parking. Nothing says, “Look here, you cunt, I’m a gentleman,” like forcing $2.50 in meter fees on someone."

I have a lot of complicated feelings on presents and independence and owing someone and being owned, and a lot of those feelings currently are "stop that Sor, people want to be nice to you, let them".

But people shouldn't want more of me than I am willing to give them, and if I want to be a stubborn prideful ass and pay for my own damn parking, respect that please.


Here we go. Here is the big one. I found this yesterday while trawling the archives of Captain Awkward, which is a fantastic advice blog. I want these words printed on index cards that I can hand to people when they are attempting to make my life difficult, and I want them printed on the ceiling so I can always remind myself that the important thing is not that I was raped but that I survived.

One of the upsides to abuse (really!) is this: Somebody has already done just about the worst fucking thing ever to me. What the hell do you think you have on that? Awkward social gathering? Emotionally manipulative hissy fit? Motherfucker, I’ve been raped, this is not even a drop in my bucket of fuck you.

Empowerment through anger? I'll take it.


And in the same thread, there is a comment that just...breaks my heart with how perfect it is.

Before you tell your abuse secret, you are The Only One Ever to Experience This Horrible Thing. And seriously, that is so awful. It’s having a waking-up-crying nightmare going on in the back of your head all the time. With bonus shushing from other people who just want to sleep, not hear about your nightmare.

And then you tell anyway, when you have your own reason to tell. And SO OFTEN the person you tell says, oh hey, you too? Let me share my abuse story with you!

And if I think about that it makes me cry, because WE WERE BABIES and they hurt us.

But on the other hand, each one of us thought we were all alone, and we so are not. Each one of us said “I have to build my own foundations because nobody will let me stand in their house” and then we look around and find we are in an effing CATHEDRAL that we all built.

That’s awesome. And terrible, but awesome too.

Raise your hand if, long before I kept this fact public and in the light (instead of buried deep and secret where my rapist wanted it), I told you I was raped, abused, molested, whatever.

And you said "me too".

Because it was a lot of you, and welcome to the cathedral. It's not perfect, but it means that none of us are alone.


Is it whiny and self-indulgent to be posting about it? Oh absolutely. There's not a specific trigger, there's not a specific call to arms, I've just been having a week where I've been more slapped across the fact than usual that I was abused and that can't ever go away. But at the same time, there's a dirty bitter part of me that thinks if I can't escape it, then there's no reason you lucky fucks who haven't gone through this bullshit ought to be free either.

Rape happens. Abuse happens. A lot. It's horrible, it's terrifying, it's fact. I've been raped, and the way I fight the rape culture is by being this amazing transcendent thing despite the fact. How are you going to fight?


1: And that makes me angry, because holy shit, what if I could have devoted the time and passion and rage and wordcount to something other than making myself functional? What if I hadn't ever been broken, goddess, do you know how much I've spent on this? I have never been more angry at my rapist than right now, because forget taking away innocence or trust or self-worth, I can repair those, you took time away from me you evil beast, and how can I ever get that back?

2: An acceptable number of these to have read would be "zero, maybe one in extreme unfortunate circumstances". I have read literally dozens, and I'm not even particularly active on Fetlife --this is just my small circle of friends commenting on stories that sometimes I see and click through to.

Trigger warnings go both ways: Rape, rape culture, mental, emotional, sexual abuse. Thanks for reading folks.
sorcyress: Sketch of me wearing one of Zaphod's outfits from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy movie (Zaph-me)
There is a Marilyn Monroe quote that I found some months back. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it's been rattling around in my head ever since, resonating and finding bits of me to latch onto. It may currently be one of the most important pieces of relationship advice I have in my personal arsenal.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

It just rings so spectacularly true for me. I am, if we're being perfectly honest here, a bit of a mess mentally. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y getting better at it. But it's agonizing to me sometimes how much time it takes to iron out all the negative wrinkles from a practised brain, how difficult it is to turn wounds into scars into solid self again. I am, unequivocally, not there yet, not with any of the various fractures and fuck-ups my brain tries to do to me. If you're going to make a serious commitment to me --be it lover, friend, moirail1, or something else entirely-- you're going to have to deal with the fact that sometimes I will stop working in any sane or functional way, and it would be nice of you to help me fix that.2

But you know what?

I'm so worth it.

I am intelligent enough to hold my own in nearly any conversation. I am reasonably quick-witted and *always* eloquent --I think very hard about my words before I say them, and tend to use them precisely. I am hyper consent-oriented, and enough of an activist to accept and defend pretty much anyone until they prove themselves asinine. I have the need to create like most people need breathing, and I don't typically care the delivery method as long as I'm making SOMEthing. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends and lovers, and will defend other people far more intensely than I'd ever defend myself. I'm impatient enough to be an excellent leader in a group ("we're doing this now!") and charismatic enough to keep people from resenting that. And I am _awesome_ in bed, and if you don't believe me, I'll get some letters of reference and they will be the most fawning things you ever did read3

If you can't handle me at my worst, if you won't handle me at my worst, aren't willing to put up with the gender dysphoria and the rape triggers and the daddy issues and the imperfection stress and the fear of commitment and the strong and sour fear of people leaving me...if you just aren't interested in interacting with me when I'm not in the right frame of mind, and everything seems broken or lost or numb...

...then you will never get to see me shine.


1: Uh. It's a term from Homestuck. The translation I operate under is sortof a "super close friendship where one member of the pairing is responsible for/good at calming the other member down when they get worked up and are going into angrysmashrar mode." I have a two-way moirailship with Ria, because both of us are good at negating the other's ANGRYSMASHRARness. Also, because Ria is the bestest person of all persons, pretty much all of the time. 'Rails before pails forever1a.

1a: No, I'm not going to talk about pails or buckets in this public journal. What sort of uncouth troll do you take me for?1b

1b: Look, if you want to keep up with all the things I reference, you are just going to have to read more webcomics. start here. It is 4000+ pages long and ridiculously complicated, enjoy!

2: I, of course, do not expect you to fix that. Nor will I likely ask you to help me fix that (especially not explicitly) unless I am _way_ way way way more fractured than normal, and in very particular ways. If I'm panic attacking, for instance, I almost never tell people, and certainly not directly.

3: Except that I date smartalecky folk, who'd likely take this as a "let's take her ego down a notch" challenge. In all seriousness, I have no idea how I rate on the general sexings scale, but I'm enthusiastic, creative and clever, have a fair bit of practise and am very focused on Making People Happy. This seems to work well for me.

As an aside, a long time ago, someone told me "I really don't understand what your host of boyfriends see in you". I replied, truthfully, that I didn't either.

I still don't know what people see in me. But you know what? Every once in a while, I recognize that I am a potent individual, with all the power that implies. I can tell what my boys see in me --it's the same things I see in myself when I'm having a good day. And trust me, I have enough of the good days to know, deep down in the part of yourself that makes or breaks your self-image, that I am a wicked pissah individual, the likes of which most people just can't keep up with.

What do my boyfriends see in me? They see me. And that's absolutely enough.
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
The last bit of my quotes file, with commentary. There is also parts one and two.

Quotes, and other words worth saving! )

sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
You know how a couple months ago I did quotes? Well, that was not even half my quotesfile. So have more!

quotes quote quotes )

And that's plenty to leave off with for now. At least another part later, maybe even two! It will be exciting.

sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker-MOOP!)
10:10:09 PM Just Sor: I love my sister
10:10:26 PM Just Sor: Which is to say, I just ran into the playroom to show her the stick of butter that was down to just saying "butt"
10:10:46 PM Just Sor: I was pointing at it and going "look look look", she responded by singing along with her music, which was As Cool As I Am
10:10:59 PM Just Sor: We both sang it for a couple lines, and then she points at the butter and goes "it says butt!"
10:11:01 PM Just Sor: And we die of laughing

I told this to a couple people, and then I informed Rackle, who is currently the greatest person in all of EnZed (sorry Tho, I still love you, I promise!)

10:13:12 PM Rackle!: XD
10:13:23 PM Rackle!: Hahahahahhaa
10:13:26 PM Rackle!: Awesome
10:13:30 PM Just Sor: Yeah!
10:13:40 PM Rackle!: Also
10:13:43 PM Rackle!: You said butt
10:13:45 PM Rackle!: XD
10:13:46 PM Just Sor: HAHAHA
10:13:53 PM Just Sor: I am literally laughing out loud right now
10:13:57 PM Rackle!: BUTT
10:14:01 PM Just Sor: BUTT
10:14:06 PM Just Sor: *shakes her butt*
10:14:32 PM Rackle!: BUTTT *points*
10:15:05 PM Rackle!: Hahahahahaha
10:15:08 PM Just Sor: ARE YOU POINTING AT MY BUTT?!?!!?!??!!?!?!
10:15:13 PM Just Sor: *points at YOUR butt!*
10:15:14 PM Just Sor: HA
10:15:16 PM Just Sor: NOW WHAT
10:15:22 PM Just Sor: (Hahahahah, what rhymes with butt)
10:15:22 PM Rackle!: LOL YOU SAID BUTT AGAIN
10:15:24 PM Just Sor: Also, we are SO MATURE
10:15:37 PM Rackle!: NOT AS MATURE AS MY BUTT
10:18:55 PM Just Sor: *DIES*
10:20:16 PM Just Sor: I'm posting this to livejournal, I hope that's okay

The end!




Dec. 8th, 2010 11:17 pm
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
So, because I have a mac, when I move my cursor to the bottom of the screen, a little menu pops up with clickybuttons for all the applications I use most often1, as well as a folder for all the files I want to access most often, and a separate icon to get into the BehindtheWalls file.

Of the files I have insta-access to, one of the oldest and most used is the "quotes" file. When I stumble across a particularly well-written piece of prose, I toss it in there. It's a file full of things that make me laugh, smile, think. And, lacking for other things to babble about in here, I'd like to share some of them with you!

Quotes and babbling about them under the cut )

And that's like a third of the file, and this is already 1200 words before I've put the quotes in. So I'm gonna save other updates for later, since there are still plenty of words to talk about (including one of the first quotes I found to affirm that yes, I am definitely poly). Ta!


1: Currently, Finder, iCal, TextEdit2, Safari (which I use), Firefox (which I should use), iPhoto (which I hate and would love to replace), iTunes (which updated recently and made its entire skin, including this icon, about eight thousand times uglier), Adium (green duck), Transmission, Colloquy (which I should maybe use more often, but I don't have any IRC rooms to hang out in except on #doat nights), PhotoBooth, and Plants vs Zombies.

2: Word processor of choice, yo. Though in all honesty, if I had a word processor set up like the 750words page, with a few extras (like say "bold"), I would be thrilled.

3: A Snape/Hermione fanfic. I honestly don't think I'd read something with this pairing or 5. But I was bored, and tvtropes provided.

4: I'm not sure why I do this, and I don't think I did it when I was 20. But apparently I am a 21 year old teen. Who knew.

5: I'd give his real name, but the words are stolen from a locked entry, and while I really do think he wouldn't care in the slightest, I also don't wish to make it easy for his future employers to find this entry, just in case.
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
Author's Note: This post was written a few months ago, before I left Boston for the summer. I am only just now getting around to posting it as I clean up my desktop and put things away on my computer. Enjoy!

There are a multitude of tiny ways that make me think I'm faking it, loving too intensely, caring too much, altogether certain that there is a correct way to live ones life, and I am doing it decidedly Wrong. This is not an uncommon thought, I suspect, though also not a comfortable one. Why can we not accept that maybe this uncertainty is such a crucial part of humanity already?

Of course maybe the secret is not that the uncertainty itself is human, but that aspects of the uncertainty are universal. Little scraps of the world, when two people gasp at the idea that they share their strangeness. A spark of connection, where it is revealed that, reassuringly, we are not alone.

That being said.

"Everything has its place," her father had once said to her when she was young, showing her the long cedar drawers of the card catalogue in the great library where he worked, the brass brackets on its face shining like a policeman's buttons. "But more imoortant, everything's place is labeled. Order is transitive: order one precious thing and order the universe."

"Do I have a place in there?" November had asked, peering over the rim of one of the long boxes.

"Of course, baby," he had said, and with his big brown hand cuffed in plaid and smelling of lemon rinds from her mother's morning tea, riffled through a drawer and pulled a card from the stack.

006.332. The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making. H. F. Weckweet, 1923. Gleiss & Schafandre: New York.

She had taken it seriously. Even then she had not known another way of doing things. The book was on the seventh floor and she had walked the steps, every one, knowing that this was the only proper way to proceed to her place in the universe -an elevator is cheating. The book was small, in a brown leather cover embossed faintly with a little girl standing naked on a raft, straight as a mast, her stance determined, holding up her dress as a sail. It was, at the time, the oldest thing she had ever seen.

November had read it exactly two hundred and seventeen times, not counting unfinished perusals, since that day. It was, in fact, a long series of novels for children, but November did not care for the others: her father had not pulled them from the great catalogue and called them hers. She had not climbed seven flights of stairs for them. She had spent her birthday this year, her thirty-first, reading it cover to cover, dawn to dawn/ The girl in the book was named September, and she had known that this was meant for her, a message from Hortense Francis Weckweet and her father. Perhaps if the girl had not been called September, November would not have read it two hundred and seventeen times.

Pgs 124-5, Palimpsest by Catherynne Valente

Oh I see. That entry I made a few months ago, babling about the silly little book with the pirates?

I am not alone.


ETA: Oh really? Blockquote won't do italics? That's curious. (and damn you society for ruining words I like --I would so rather be able to say "that's rather queer, isn't it?" but noooo.)

ETA2: No wait, I'm just an idiot who can't do HTML.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Okay, I'm at that point where I have sixty tabs open across seven browser windows, and that really means that I need to make a link post and get on with my life. So here, have some sundries!

*Boston folk, in last Saturday's flooding, Taza Chocolatier got hit hard. They are trying to convince people to buy their stock so they have money for repairs. Buy some chocolate for a worthy cause!!

*Also Boston Folk, today at seven PM there is going to be a recess in Davis Square. Bring your jump ropes and four square balls, and believe me, I would be there in a heartbeat if I was a few hundred miles north and east of here.

*Improv Everywhere's newest stunt: Recreating the beginning of "Star Wars: A New Hope" on the Subways!

*I'll be honest here: I really quite want this foldable bicycle. It's a neat design, and I emphatically want to have a bike to tool around with up in Boston, to the point where I'm gonna need to find a way to get mine up there *some*how. So yeah.

*"But then there are some shows that go completely beyond the pale of enjoyability, until they become nothing more than overwritten collections of tropes impossible to watch without groaning." (A hilarious review of that terribly unrealistic show on the History Channel --"World War II" (I mean, could you *get* more melodramatic?). Read the comments. Sporfle warning.)

*I will unfortunately not be able to post this Girls With Slingshots guest strip by Erika Moen in my future classrooms, but I want to so badly!

*Locked posts, so no links, but I'd like to extend appreciation to [ profile] chickenhat for "LESS COWBELL!" and to [ profile] ncarraway for giving an earworm trigger warning when he mentioned GaGa's Bad Romance.

*[ profile] ms_hecubus continues to keep a fairly funny blog (seriously, I should make the list of people who's journals are fun to read even if you don't know them1), this time ranting about how "Every time I use a plastic bag, the terrorists win". (And hopefully she will not mind me linking her, as I was impolite and didn't ask permission this time)

*Oh, and her followup letter to Sears.

*Speaking of Racheline (You do read the footnotes when they come up, and not at the end, right?), she went to a conference recently, and made this post about secrets and exile that talks about coming out about various things. And then I babble about this a lot more, because I find it important )

*Oh look, another [ profile] ms_hecubus post, this time Sensibly pointing out that boobies are both sexual and practical items, and to try and define them as one hundred percent one or the other is useless

*[ profile] yagathai came up with a fantastic new portmanteau: Voluntarting. Please go use in a sentence.

*Look! It is A map of the creative process!!

*So, I follow the [ profile] davis_square community because I like knowing what's going on in my world --signal to noise is high enough to keep me coming back. Most of the posts seem to get between zero and fifty comments or so. So when I see one that gets _253_, I pay some small attention.

It is, of course, a post on how to have good bicycle/car relations.

I love my hippie city and miss it dearly.

*Mel Gibson Rant Quotes Presented by Kittens. I don't even know how to react to this. Trigger warning: severely abusive misogynistic language.

*Animation showing all the nuclear bombs that have gone off from 1945 to 1998, including test sites and the like. Long, but neat.

*Want respect for bicycles as transport? Use them that way!

*[ profile] ratatosk talks about a recent court decision saying that the FCC's current indecency policy is unconstitutionally vague. Go censorship fighting!

And that seems to be everything. Now I can go clear the two hundred or so items out of my RSS reader. WOO!


1: Also on that list is:

[ profile] rm, who writes about dancing and fandom and gender and the whole racism-misogony-homophobia-god-society-sucks-thing and doesn't really take shit, and writes just *fantastic* stories about a life that seems very much to be a part of a different world and time sometimes.

[ profile] kittikattie, who writes about video games and American Girl dolls and ponies and art and the whole society sucks thing and takes even less shit than Rach and has a constantly amusing slice of life journal thing going on with lots of pictures of interesting stuff and is the one who coined the phrase "black day"2 which I use sometimes.

And ShadowCaptain would be if he hadn't left elljay for the evil that is Facebook, and Ms_Hecubus like I said, and there are almost certainly other people who have interesting and entertaining journals, in case you need more to read, which I doubt. Dan4th and Heptadecagram, when they post. Others. Whatever, maybe I'll make this into a post of sorts sometime.

2: Black Day: A day in which you put on your gothy best, because sometimes it is nice to be all black-clad and take-no-shit. She always has one on the fourteenth of February, as well as two or three others across the year, mine show up sporadically, but seem to be reoccurring on the fourth of July.

3: In watching Clueless the other day, I remarked that "only to a sixteen year old would "and you're a virgin who can't drive" be seen as such a slur".
sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker-MOOP!)
Quote of the Day: "Where did you COME from?!" exclaimed by a big dude with a lot of metal in his face and a loud voice. That's right folks --I so very outclassed every other audience member at the Lips Down on Dixie shadowcast of Rocky Horror tonight, that the cast/crew members had to specifically find and compliment me after the show.

It's really nice being That Fucking Good.

sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
So, there seems to be this thing among the sex-blogger world, called "Half-Naked Thursday". It's a chance to post a photo of yourself, or of your tits, or of your ass, or cock, or whathave you. Something sexy, silly, and fun. Expose yourself to your audience.

I think it's a lovely idea, but I am not at all in the mood for sexy and silly and fun, and even if I were, it would never wind up here1. But sexy and silly and fun is not the only way to be naked. Vulnerable and open are naked too. Behind the Walls is naked, and it's the kind of naked that I don't want *anyone* to ever see of me --not friends, not family, not lovers. And every so often, I feel I need to sacrifice those walls to some higher power. Maybe Athe, maybe me, but I hurt some days, and I need to be able to share that pain to remain stable sometimes.

So, for my offering (although I am hardly a "blogger" in the first place and even less a sexy one --this is just my personal ramblings that people read for some reason), I have a photo. Me, half naked.

Happy Thursday.

This first2 isn't really a secret exactly --I've mentioned on a few occasions to a few people that I may very well be undressed, or nude, or whathaveyou, but I'm not *naked* until the glasses come off.3 It comes of two things --the first, silly, that I find glasses to be ridiculously hot, and love the way they look on people -yes, even me with my overlarge Tenney-glasses that I love to pieces.

The second reason is more sensible, and merely a reflection of how much I rely on my specs. If I'm not wearing my glasses, I can see detail for a span of maybe 2-7 inches in front of my face. Everything else becomes blurred. When we were growing up, Veronica constantly left her glasses at my house after sleepovers and such, which boggled me. If I am not wearing my glasses, I am always very aware of the fact.

My glasses grant me sight, which protects me in a way. I really appreciate that fact.


1: exception seems to be for Middleman. Of *course*.
2: I originally had two photos to go here, but the explanation for the second rapidly spiraled out of control. I may post it another Thursday, some day.
3: This did once prompt a friend to say "then I've both seen you naked and stripped you", which is, according to that definition, totally accurate. And truth to tell, fairly rare --I've no good data for it, but I don't think I let very many people take my glasses from me.


Feb. 26th, 2010 02:12 pm
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
And you find out you don't have to be happy at all1
To be happy you're alive

...holy fucking shit, have I mentioned yet how repeatedly Next to Normal gets it absolutely one hundred percent right?

Next to Normal repeatedly gets it absolutely one hundred percent right.


1: Amusingly, this alone has made me legitimately happier than anything else in the past two days.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Sometimes I make myself laugh --case in point:

9:53:26 PM jere7my: How's you?
9:53:39 PM Sorky: Not bad
9:53:51 PM Sorky: Cleaning room, kinda
9:53:56 PM jere7my: Ooo.
9:53:59 PM Sorky: May be out of energons
9:54:06 PM Sorky: Will have to beat up some cars until I get more

I really really like the concept of beating random machines until they give me energon cubes.


(No, don't worry if you don't know what an energon cube is. It means you probably have an actual life.)
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
5:11:44 PM Akchizar: I have a spider bite!
5:12:21 PM Just Sor: I saw!
5:12:26 PM Just Sor: You're swell!
5:12:28 PM Just Sor: ...ed
5:12:31 PM Akchizar: ....
5:12:43 PM Akchizar: Why do I even let you talk

My day is going somewhat better. I have an obscenely chocolate...thing that is actually far too much on the wet chocolate1 side of the spectrum for me to actually enjoy it, and potato chips, and mango nakedsmoothie.

And Italianstuffs went okay, I just have to get with the memorizing. Oh hey, dear everyone! I give you FULL PERMISSION to hit me with sticks if you ever hear of me giving my students group projects. Seriously, man. *such* a bad fucking idea.

Also, student center is significantly better air conditioned than my room. Looks like Ver and I are going to have to be social for a while. eirghnkglgvojrmninety fucking degreesgkhjalefg

Oh good, I have talking privileges back. And yes, this *does* appear to be an "eight dozen posts in one day" day, however did you guess?


1: I like dry chocolate things --chocolate cake, brownies, muffins, etc. I don't like wet chocolate things -ice cream, pudding, frosting. Yeah. I don't really get it either.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)

So, just after the xkcd meet-up, I joined the xkcd forum for a while. Out of it, I wound up making a friend, Phi, who I talked to for a while on IM, before eventually losing track. Oh well.

So yeah. I don't think I've talked to him in more than a year. He IMs me today, which is pretty cool, because, hey, geek.

3:43:42 AM Phi: So, first things first, really.
3:43:59 AM Phi: I kind of wanted to thank you for being like the first person I talked to outside of xkcd on the interbutts.
3:44:06 AM Mostly Just Sor: Haha
3:44:08 AM Mostly Just Sor: Okay!
3:44:15 AM Phi: Beecause this led to me wanting to hop into some chatroom.
3:44:20 AM Phi: Which led to me meeting one of the mods.
3:44:28 AM Phi: Which led to me dating her for now over a year! \o/

I ee'd. Because seriously. Awww. And it is *all* kinds of warmfuzzy to know that that was my fault.

sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
"Sonic the Hedgehog Extreme Smush Bush Volleyball"

I'm babysitting for *two* children tonight! Those that watch my twitter, beware.

sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
So, Arisia was pretty awesome. I was at a bit of a weird place hormonally (Anyone want to trade?) but the incredible emotional high of spending a weekend with a lot of people I really quite like totally made up for it and gave me a wonderful rush of homeness.

"Steampunk is easy. All you need is goggles and a top hat." "Yeah, if you WANT to look like a poseur."

(Sorry. Am having conversation while updating. I am scum like that.)



Here's the awesome(?) news. The fun of Arisia last year was that the monday of it was the day I could move back into my dorm. So, like a sensible person, I assumed that the monday of this years Arisia was the day I could move back in.

Classes start on the 26th. Dorm opens on the 25th. I have a week in Boston to screw around!

So, yeah. I'm going to enjoy being able to spend time in my city as it's meant to be, what with the good and glorious SNOW everywhere to play in. (I suspect I'll be sick of it as soon as I have to walk anywhere ever, but in the meantime, ohmygod, SNOWWWW!)

My shoulder is being read over, which is always slightly disconcerting not because I mind the words being read, but because it always tends to make me self-conscious when I am watched in any way, and doubly so for what I lamely consider my art. 'Specially because I tend to have just abysmal grammar.

Annnnd I'm going to finish packing now. Byeeee.

sorcyress: A character from a comic about the maintenance workers of the universe, holding a thumbs up and saying "MOOP!" (Zonker-MOOP!)
Some thoughts:

*Working on a big resolutions from last year and for this year and lots of trustbabble post

*Phones and the way I use them is on my mind right now

*So, whenever I was last trawling the Comics Curmudgeon hardcore, which I think was back during the summer (possibly even *early* summer) I started reading this blog that got linked in there at some point. Today, I learned that the author is the dad of one of my friends from high school. Um...yeah. The world is small sometimes.

*I'm gonna start a commune

*I kinda want to do a "best of 2008" posts thing

*OHSHIT! My secret livejournal project that I was going to work on for 2009! I'll post that in a minute.

*Still need to figure out how I'm getting to and sleeping at the Dance Flurry in February

*Dancing is cool. I like what Larry said about being a historical dance group that doesn't particularly like historical music. This has led me to begin1 finding songs in my collection of generally modern stuff that are danceable. Most recent additions are a handful of Who Killed Amanda Palmer songs --"Runs in the Family" and "Ampersand" are waltzs (though the former is far too fast to actually dance to), "I Google You" is a blues, and "Guitar Hero" is a really good one-step.

*I like that spellcheck thinks danceable is a word.

*I should be entertaining to Swing somehow, but my brain is a little bit out of social, which is why I've been playing on the internet for some time anyways.

*My nails are longer right now then they've been just about ever. On the one hand, that makes 'em really good for scritching people. (From the New Year's Party-- "Kat, I love my wife, but you've made me realize her one big flaw --she doesn't have nails!") but on the other, I'm going slightly insane having them so long, and am going to bite them all short probably before I even make it back to Boston for Arisia.

And I'm sure there are more things on my mind, but I think I'm out for now. Byeee!


1: Okay, truth is I've been doing this for a year or two. But I had another push of going "oh!" today.


sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
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