sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
A year ago today, it was 2008, and I wrote a pretty decent essay on friendship privileges. If your name is [livejournal.com profile] macaroniandtuna, didn't you promise to give me thoughts like...eleven and a half months ago or something?

The actual posting of that one involved little bits and pieces of drama that I don't feel like going into. And when I originally wrote it, I will admit there was a little bit of a "HINT HINT!" involved for someone certain, which I so got past by the time I posted it. I try very hard not to hint hint people in my livejournal.

(Okay, really, I just try very hard not to hint hint people. If I want a relationship, I should be man2 enough to ask the damn person if there's any hope for us. It's amazing what a little bit of communication will do.)

I was pretty happy with the writing of that one, though, and since I think at least half of the goal of this project is to find really good things that I've written and bring them back to public attention, go read!.

~Sor
MOOP!

((OH! Also, twenty one years ago today it was 1988, and [livejournal.com profile] muzikmaker21 was born. I didn't bother blagging about this at the time, which was a massive oversight. Sorry dude. Have a good birthday, 'k brotherfather?))

1: I have the nasty habit of being dumped by boys I'm not dating. I'm pretty sure it's happened three, maybe even four times now.3

2: Woman enough, awesome enough, fuck, I don't know. It's just the way I talk, I talk kinda misogynistic, okay? I don't like it either.

3: Ahahahaha, notetoself, if you're going to decide to delete a part of the entry you're writing, delete the relevant footnotes as well. Although this one amuses me. Consider it your Fun Sorcy Fact of the day or something.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
You know what? Nothing amuses me like being silly, so I'm thinking I'm just going to repost this with slight changes.

Because three years ago today, it was 2006. And I decided to be a comments whore.

No one ever comments in my journal! Therefore, I'm going to delete it, and commit suicide. Possibly involving a fish, although I might use my Ravonous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal.

After I'm done with that, I might go somewhere. Cool!

I've recently had a major life change! Thats right -I've morphed into an androgynous three eyed hooloovoo, with an extra arm shaped like a fork. And I'm getting divoriced from my friend Shirly. She's such a bitch.

But there are many cool people who aren't bitches. [livejournal.com profile] thorog's not a bitch for instance. He's smart. Same with [livejournal.com profile] naraht. And [livejournal.com profile] muzikmaker21 is of course just awesome. I got to see herhim
(Oh god this is old) this weekend. I also saw [livejournal.com profile] werewulf. And [livejournal.com profile] artemisfowl2nd. And later I get to see [livejournal.com profile] jere7my and [livejournal.com profile] marcmagus! But not [livejournal.com profile] macaroniandtuna or [livejournal.com profile] drama_angel3189 which is a shame, because they are also cool people.

I am wearing very little! I won't post pics though, because I'm embarrassedtoo lazy to turn on the webcam.

I saw this article about abortion in the paper. It was all about Montana's abortion laws. I think Montana is boring, except for Montana Jones. He's cute. Those are my opinions!

(((To all the people giving me VERY strange looks at this point, I'm merely playing with the idea of the Naraht-ian laws of getting comments)))


~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Because I think actually asking this to the person I have in mind might get me in trouble, do you or do you not approve of me calling you my cuddlebitch. And no, Eric, you don't get a choice. *evilgrin*

***

I am way too frigging pragmatic for my own good. "Meh, whatever" =/= proper response to...certain...situations. Fucking crypticness. Also, did I say this already? Goddamnit, this is why I originally only wrote in BehindtheWalls when I was off livejournal! I didn't have to worry about remembering what I had and hadn't posted. :P

***

Keira is apparently an older sister, bringing my total up to three. (Keira, WyoMell, and Zaphod Groupie) I'm not entierly sure what the criteria is, but it appears to be something along the lines of "female, awesomer then me, and older then me by no more then fiveish years.

I have a handful of older brothers too, but mostly the criteria there is "I can steal their clothes". There's some additional complications involving flirtation levels and rassling with them (reminds me, it's been forever since me and Josh have gone at it. Le sigh.)

(Take that as you will. I only say this because my mind is all sorts of hella dirty. :D)

***

I have the cutest origami paper ever. It is designed to look like a little bookshelf with books (with the paper being the pages of the books) The whole thing is decorated with little Japanese chibi animals. Eeeee, cute! Photos may very well show up later.

***

Origami is a suprisingly fast way to mellow me out. Primarily, I think it's the fact that, when folding cranes, I can't be doing much else, which means that if I'm alone and folding cranes, I'm not doing anything else but thinking. In addition, it's a repetitive, relaxing thing to do with my hands that *doesn't* involve playing with chains.

That, and there's something *damn* satisfying about turning a piece of paper into a mini sculpture. Especially since I'm still good at making incredibly tiny cranes.

***

Fuck later. You get hella cute pictures of my new origami paper thing NOW! )

In other news, have I mentioned lately that I love having a camera attached to my computer? No longer do I have to go dig up my camera and connect the cord and things if I want to show something neat off to someone! Simply hold up, clicky button, post to flickr, ???, PROFIT!

...Erm. Encyclopedia Dramatica ate my brain?

***

Dude, Another Fine Myth. Comic book. Is there any wrong?

(Besides the forty dollar price tag. WHY MUST MY HOBBIES BE EXPENSIVE?)

Allfornow.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Blabla, choose 13 names, blabla, answer some questions.

1) [livejournal.com profile] artemisfowl2nd
2) [livejournal.com profile] ksatyr
3) [livejournal.com profile] drama_angel3189
4) [livejournal.com profile] werewulf
5) [livejournal.com profile] thorog
6) [livejournal.com profile] jestingly_yours
7) [livejournal.com profile] thru_violets
8) [livejournal.com profile] kdsorceress
9) [livejournal.com profile] shadowcaptain
10) [livejournal.com profile] sonsashi
11) [livejournal.com profile] macaroniandtuna
12) [livejournal.com profile] marcmagus
13) [livejournal.com profile] shield_toad111

Haha, meme's are totally not equal to what I SHOULD be doing right now. )

Uhmyeah. Now is the time when I should be typing up notes and information for the Lesley University Chaos Club, which I may or may not be starting.

Also, what the fuck does "pompus telks" mean? Because I appear to have written that on my arm as a note for myself for something for the LUCC to do, and it makes NO SENSE AT ALL, OHMAN.

~Sor
MOOP!

By the way, this Ctrl-Alt-Del doesn't even need context to make me giggle
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Dumbly-dore!)
MacaroniandTuna!! You fail completely! Because of your negligence in reminding the good users of elljayland, most notably me, I have walked around all day wearing pants!!

I hope your proud of yourself.

~Sor
MOOP!

Vive le lack of pants!!!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
A VERY happy birthday to [livejournal.com profile] macaroniandtuna!! You rock, dude!!

*leaves hugs, and, I dunno, chocolate or something nice like that. And good music.*

~Sor

P.S: Stubled across a Bela Fleck album the other day...it's quite surreal, though i think I quite like it. Thanks for the tip?
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Random quiz-question-thing...I'm bored, and flirting can only take up so much of my time )

Woo.

My life hasn't been very eventful lately. But hey, tomorrows a half day! And Friday's off, and me and Aly are going to (hopefully) harass Flinx!

I need to clean out my 1KBWC deck...

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
So!

Life, the universe, and everything! What's six times nine! Fourty-two, and ALL THAT!

I'm not sure how this is working, but that's ok. Kat's in a relitivly good mood.

Me-Kat, not Her-Kat. Though I certainly hope she's in a good mood as well. Mrof?

ANYWHO

Yesterday was Everything Will Go Right Day. And, oddly enough, everything went right. Well, alright, everything went right for an exceedingly high portion of the day, and then the very end may have started going wrong. But it might have been past midnight at that point anyways, so woo!

So, heres what went right!

School. I woke up at the usual time, and got to devour two of the very highly delicious spilt personality waffle things we had. mmmmmmm! That was a tasty breakfast. Then I walked to school, and it was fun, and school itself occured.

It was all fairly regular and happy, my presentation in English went off fine, and I got an "A" on the oral quiz in German. So yay and double yay! Whats more was, we weren't doing anything in Stagecraft, which was great as I *really* didn't feel like doing anything! Most excellent!!

I got home and hung out some, and Fish came over and we hung out some, and Bernie and Joe came over and we made plans to game today! Which is most certainly life going right. Ploos, I re-read the first sandman book, which is always a lovely thing. Morpheus is pretty.....

Eventually, assorted people left, and Chris showed up. We hung out some, and then I got to go BABYSIT! YAY FOR SITTING ON KOOB!!

Sorry, I like the little monkey. And I haven't gotten to deal with him enough recently. *pouts* but next week...oh yes.

Koob was a dream. He was full of happy hyper energy so we got to run around, and around eightish, we went outside and sat in the mini for half an hour. And Koob knows to grab for the seatbelt when he's in his carseat! How cute is that!!? When we went back in, he was much quieter and tireder and he crashed rather perfetly right about nine. Which is the PERFECT time for him to crash.

After Koob was asleep (and he slept well, none of this waking up or falling out of bed nonsense he does sometimes) I hopped on the ichat thing, and wound up having lovely conversations with my girlfriend, Kat, Swing and Jarne, with Kyu, with Eric, and with Thorog of all people. So that was highly amusing, and on the whole a good thing.

Well, not for Al. She's been in her room the whole day throwing a tennis ball at the wall incessantly. She's pleased with herself, but she still doesn't know what she wants to do with herself, which leads to interesting questions.

And not for Hyde. Poor man, getting pulled from his playing. :p He gave me a rose to deliver this morning, a yellow one, so here. *gives to Reth*

Other stuff that went right? Well, lets see...I learned how to draw circular staircases! And I drew a decent picture of the lounge, with all of us scattered in it -it's cute. I'll have to scan it. Oh yes! And the Truth or Dare game that my denzians were playing ended QUITE satisfactorily. Gabe's been looking a bit like the cat who swallowed the canary, and Hyde's been slightly off center. Al refuses to give me her thoughts on it, like she does so often.

Heh, and I thought *I* closed myself off too much.

OH RIGHT! I got to hold a human SKULL yesterday! It was NEAT!!

...It's [livejournal.com profile] ednoria's. Because who else would own one, I mean come on. No one else is NEAR cool enough to be able to pull off owning a skull. From a PERSON!

So yesterday, pretty much everything went quite right. And that one little catch at the end, that discovery---

I don't know yet. I still need to think about it. I've put pen to paper, I still need to put paper to envelope. But I'm not sure I can, or will.

Yes, I'm scared.

It's because I'm opening up past the walls. Bah. My therepist says I need to figure out why I do that, figure out what advantage there is for me to push people away, even sub-conciously. Thoughts?


Funny at how things fluctuate.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Because nothing ever happens in my life.

Besides Eric going home and making life less confusing. Oh, and Chris hanging out hereabouts. And seeing Charlie the Unicorn.

I'm definently in the market for a "shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn" avatar if anyone talented out there is up to it.

And now! The Memealige!! )

Well, that was fun.

I should write my own meme. The first question would clearly have to be "What book would you like to be killed with". Since this is one of the things me and Chris talked about.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Right.

I'm still around.
Life is happening.
I am going to Germany in May.
I am going to London in June.
I just finished watching The Breakfast Club.

...I am SO the Basket Case. And I really do think we should watch it at the end of the year for AdComp.

Life is quiet. Although yesterday was awesome. We wound up with something like ten people playing blind tag at the park, and then me and Jeremy and FlipMatt beat each other with sticks. And there was running around and tree climbing and yay!

And after pretty much everyone else had started home, I was lying on the grass with my sword-stick across my chest. Jeremy comes over and steps on it, pushing it into me and lecturing about not being caught vulnerable. I respond by side-sweeping his leg with my arm, and rolling and coming up into a squatting position with the sword-stick in my hands. I have never felt more badass before in my life.

And Dear Veronica: You have given me an epiphany. And yes, I fully realize that it's better for me to know this. But DAMNIT! I *liked* life JUST the way it was.

Stupid epiphanys are never good.

H: You haven't been listening to enough showtunes lately, if you say that.
Why Hyde, I never took you for a Sweeny Todd fan.
*pauses*
*thinks about it*
Alright, yes I did. Nevermind.

Other other stuff:

I still need to post the Chibi-Hyde I drew, but more importantly then that, I need to post the really amazing realistic(ish) self portrait I drew. Because it impresses the HELL out of me.

I think I'm going to go dick around in my room now while listening to Rocky Horror. And yes Hyde, I know I haven't been listening to anything else for days now and it's driving you mad. But it's SO GOOD!

That is all.
~Sor
MOOP!

P.S: Kat: I don't know *why* you chewed on it. It doesn't taste very good.

Memalige

Mar. 11th, 2006 03:01 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
First off, I was tagged by Aren. Eek?

Five things I can be bribed with:

1) New Cat and Mouse comics. Although not nessecarily to the point where I'll send presents or anything, although I will certainly be good. Or something.

2) Sugar. I am a sugar-whore. This is a bad thing.

3) Men in Kilts. Because they are hot. And that makes me silly and easily impressionable.

4) Dancing. If you take me out dancing, I will love you forever. Need my secrets? Sure, where's the nearest ballroom?

5) Friendship.

Tagging....[livejournal.com profile] artemisfowl2nd, [livejournal.com profile] macaroniandtuna, [livejournal.com profile] drama_angel3189, [livejournal.com profile] jarne, and [livejournal.com profile] heptadecagram.

Stolen from Alex:
Say 20 things to different people that you have never told them; they can be 20 different people, or only a few. Don't say who each one is for.

1) You are SO frustrating. Gyuh. Something about you is just too damn wonderful, you cocky wanker. Makes me want to dump my gal at times...
2) Honestly? I know there has to have been a time before I ever met you. But it just doesn't register in my memory banks. I have always known you, and I always will. It's part of who we are.
3) You're so different from me, and yet I still want to grow up to be just like you.
4) It's weird, you tend to be such an evil person at times, but I love you so much. Because you are just SO DAMN COOL! And yes, I think you should be nicer sometimes, but at the same time...it's a huge part of your charm.
5) I miss you. You were a big part of my life last year, and now you're gone. Theres no one left to fight with anymore...
6) You drive too fast. But it's fun, and you at least seem to know what you're doing, so I forgive you. And no, this isn't towards you, Paulyanne...
7) You have horrid taste in women. Out of the last few girlfriends you've had that I know, I only like one of them. Two of the others were sluts and the third...I'm still reserving judgement. But she's a relationship-breaker. And that pisses me off.
8) I hate that I can name more boys then I can count on one hand who have had crushes on you. Especially when we get to the fact that so many of them I wanted too.
9) I love you. I know I don't always succeed in showing it, but I really do think you're an utterly amazing person. And I love you JUST the way you are.
10) I should have kissed you properly at New Years...It's an interesting What-If to ponder in my lonlier hours...
11) I've been thinking about you (about us) a lot lately. Reading old writings, remembering old dreams. Strangly, I'm not bitter. I've released myself from your maze.
12) I have yet to hear you take back your statement that homosexuality in any form is untolerable. You cannot truly be considerd a friend until that happens.
13) Wanna shag?
14) Of course I try and cover you up. I'm a prude. But really, i just admire your confidence to be so open about your body and who you are.
15) I have fallen back in love with you, and that is the best feeling in the world.
16) I say many things to you, but I don't think you hear. I dream of a day when you can respond. I know your parents do too.
17) I don't think you realize how utterly awesome that one night was, or why. Ever feel completely loved and wanted? Yeah, that was it.
18) You will be hugged when we meet, whether you like it or not. Gottit?
19) I have never forgiven you for that, and I doubt I ever will. You just don't (didn't?) get how GODDAMN MUCH my planet means to me.
20) I thank whatever beings that are out there that I have you. Very few people are this lucky.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Thought of the day:

If MacaroniAndTuna is a Hctansrednab (which is a Bandersnatch spelled sdrawkcab), does that make him quite suoimurf? (Which is a serever of frumious)

...Go read the Jabberwocky.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
Well, considering that I've alredy has one person complain to me that I haven't been updating hereabouts, I figured I should come check in.

Life has been fairly busy, but on the whole, non-exciting. Except for Pirate Feast. Pirate Feast ruled!! There was lots of good food, and music, and trinkets, and dancing. TOTALLY going back next year.

Stuff that's happened since my last update:
Monday...Snow day! Makes me happy!! I went sledding with V's clan, and the sibs, then we all went home. Me and V made Mac&Tuna. (And are now the high priestess's of Macaroni and Tuna-dom, as we won two new converts to the cause -our sisters) Afterwards, we kicked the boys off the TV and us four girls played Halo. Lots of Tanky goodness on...that one level. Where Red Vs Blue takes place. Yeah, that one. Then the sisters bailed, and me and Veronica went and played the city level. I'm highly pleased with myself, I managed to get the soda machine all the way out of the building, and dropped it over the side so it landed in the main middely area. Go me!

...Yes, I'm not a very serious Halo player. Shut up. I speant a large amount of that game throwing things off the walkways overlooking the central area. It's fun!

Tuesday...School. Blek. Kung-fu...less blek, besides doing the Thirty Steps of Death, which is somewhere between Blek and cool. Mostly just ow.

And Kenny is highly cool. I like him. Even if he disposed of his dreads...*tear*

Wednesday...School (Blek) GSA, got chewed out for not showing up to the last few meetings, got deeply frustrated with Tyler and somehow managed to keep from going bitch on her. I'm sorry, but I missed last week because I was activly trying to keep someone from being sad, and yes, I might have missed some meetings because of my own stupid frivolous reasons (I wanted to go home) but in all truth we're not doing anything Aiii! Grr.

And I...No. Stop. *falls silent*

Isn't it nice to know that the screeners in my brain ocassionally work?

Thursday: Aiiiii! day. School (blek), then straight to Therepy-types, where I got in an argument with Miss Debbie about clothes and modesty and showing off my body and stuff like that. She was having difficulty grasping that I don't dress the way I do because I don't like showing off my body (although I do prefer not being oogled). I dress the way I do because I'm sickingingly practical, and having as many pockets as possible is a wonderful thing. Plus, it's more comfertable, and it's nicer to *not* have to worry about leaning forward and showing whoever your talking to a bit more then you intended.

And, MY number one reason for why I don't wear low-cut shirts...I'm short. This means that most people are taller then me, and therefore have to look down to talk to me. Looking down my shirt = bad.

After therepy, straight to UMCP to work concessions at the basketball game in order to gain LondonMonies. Yay for that. It was...interesting. Pretty much a straight jam of people for two hours, and some crazy stress, what with running out of things. I was lucky, I didn't have to deal with any idiots. And afterwards, I got food. Yay that!

Friday: School, home...something. Oh yeah! 'twasn't home, instead, after school on Friday I got to go to Chipoltle with Beth (<3!!), Anne, Jenna, and Chris who is a band kid. That was way fun, and next time I need to remember to bring money/scrip instead of just stealing food from everybody. Afterwards, we went and explored the golf store, and me, Anne, and Beth watched the figure skating boys, and argued about which ones were cute, and which ones were gay.

Then the three of us cool peoples walked home, and did our homework. And played MASH. There was lots of MASH throughout, and poor poor Jenna. *grin*

Babysitting was relitivly normal, then chats, and discussing old embaressing pictures, and discussing weather you prefer to be tied up or do the tying. Clearly that should be a poll.

...I need a paid account again.

Yesterday...quiet, went over to Luna's and played Munchkin and watched this awesome movie called Wasabi. It was in French, but we had subs, so it was all good. And the main actressy girl is ohmygod hot. I had to keep forcfully distracting myself from the TV before I started drooling. Rohan kindly informed me my lesbianness was showing.

Then me and mom went and kidnapped Josh, and the three of us plus Aly got all dolled up and went to PIRATE FEAST! Yes!!

Pirate Feast was far too much fun. Only downside was that there were a few too many people who were a bit too drunk (I had one guy say I was cute and that he had a fetish for my glasses...I politely disentangled myself from THAT conversation, needless to say.) But there was DANCING! And Ahmigawds, I've missed dancing. So that was very happy.

And I learned that the vegan potato soup tasted very good with ham in it. Nicely ironic, too, which is always a tasty thing.

And DUDE! I got to see Amanda(Crazy friend of Bernies, fellow DnDer, and birthday-buddy) there, and she was wearing a loverly corset and looked really awesome.

And then we went home and zzzzzz.

So thats my life. How are you?

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Had a good day yesterday.
Hoping to go to the cartoon party today
We have SNOW!

...I should have made that haiku. Naw, too lazy.

I got to see Con-Air yesterday. Yay for action movies! And serial killers!!
Er...

Movie night was lovely, with only a handful of people. We watched three or four episodes of this HILARIOUS series called Chef!, an episode of Coupling, and three episodes of Black Books.

And yes Eric, two of them were from season two. And you're not allowed to wack me or anything like that, because it's your own darn fault for not being down here for movie night! Silly boy.

So yes. Moral of story: British TV series's kick butt.

And we also watched SkyHigh, which was great fun. Warren Peace kicks ass. he be good stuff.
>.>
<.<
PRETTY good stuff...

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd I think thats all. Oh! Oh wait! I remember now: OKat, I have figured out a good reason why I haven't sent your presents. See, the longer that I have the box around, the more random stuff I can put into it. See! Good!!

...Ok fine. Not good. *looks guilty*

Lesse...thats everything on the life front, on the internal front...*sigh*

Gabe's still very upset at Alis, although he's decided to be rather disgustingly apathetic to Hyde, to the point where, to him, Hyde simply doesn't exist. But, on the plus side, he's up, dressed, showered, and sober, all of which are good.

Alright, thats really all. I'll stop filling your flists with garbage.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
...Shit.

Crying sucks. *pouts* I hate this.

And no, I don't need to talk about it. Or rather, I do, and I have. So yes.

~Sor
MOOP!

And now, right before I turn off comments, and make this post avaliable to teh world, I'm forced to think about myself.
Never a pleasent task that is.
Oddly, I'm not thinking of that which is making me cry right now. I'm thinking of attention whoring, and wanting to be the star. Which really does happen to me a lot.

Take this post for instance. I don't want hugs, or sympathy, or lendings of ears. I'm specifically turning off comments so I don't have to deal with anyone saying anything that would just upset me. So why am I even posting this?

Logically, it's for the attention. Yet that attention which I need, I have been given in the form of conversations with those more intelligent then myself. I don't *want* attention from the rest of you, for one reason or another, mostly because I don't know you well enough, or I don't want you to know me that well.

And for all of those going "Shock and Awe! Kat doesn't trust me!!" don't feel bad. I don't trust a good 96% or so of the people I know. Not with myself, or my thoughts and feelings and emotions. Not with what lies Behind the Walls.

And yes, all of the people who I do tend to let further behind the walls ARE people I know online. This doesn't mean I don't like the rest of you well enough, I do, and I highly enjoy spending time with the most of you. But somehow, having that extra level of removal from the version of my world that exists in this reality, makes it easier for me to let you see me.

Perhaps this is because, even though I intend to meet all three of the people I've been confiding/ranting/bitching to, there is still at least some level of anonymity.

...Holy shit, I just spelled that right on the first try. Wow.

Right, right, back to what I was saying.

I don't know. I just really don't know. I'm a very private person, while I gladly (and ocassionally loudly) share my thoughts and ideas, I keep my feelings and emotions very hidden. I also tend to keep issues I'm having to myself, only asking for advice when I come to a total loss.

Could this be pride? It may be --it fit's the descriptions. I could very well be too prideful to ask for help, and that, paired with my own cynicsism could be a large part of why I tend not to trust people.

But what were we talking about at the start? Attention-whoring? Somewhere in my personal writings, there exists a sequence of words that, I believe reads, "I am an attention whore with stage fright." It is always a frustrating thing when I look back on myself and find that I'm being incredibly fucking RIGHT, and fitting whatever situation perfectly. I am, in fact an attention whore, I have known this for some time, and I try to realize when I'm being stupid for attention, which is never a good thing. And, although I don't believe stage fright is quite the right word at all, I DO avoid the spotlight. I hate being fawned over, which makes crying an absolute nightmare. Because people are good, and nice, and friendly, and because I have been good and nice and friendly to them, they feel obligated to come over and crowd around me and ask if I want to talk (which I generally don't) and if I'm alright (Which I'm sure as hell not, but I'm not going to tell you that). And really, when I get to the point where I'm crying, I reeeeeeeeeally don't want you to pay any attention whatsoever to me. I want you to ignore me, and do what you're doing, and let me find my happy spot and just melt back into the real world at my own sweet pace.

Did I ever tell you folk about the breakdown I had back in...October? It's what sparked a lot of things, including my getting therepy, and sequentially, my getting ADD testing and diagnosed with ADHD. It was...not a good thing. I was re-reading things I wrote while I was having it, and it is...scary. It's scary to remember the fact that, I really was caught in a thought-stream, and had NO FUCKING WAY OUT. The thoughts really were just too fast and too intense, and there was nothing I could cling to to pull myself out.

My saving grace with that one was that it was during a test. Yes, this did meant that I really only finished half of the timed essay, and had to make up the rest later, but it meant I *couldn't* have people fawning over me crazily. And I think that if I *had* had that, I would have snapped, and gone into full bitch mode, and possibly said some things that I would very much regret.

That might be part of the problem with my life. I get mad about as easily as anyone else, I figure, but unlike a lot of people, I really don't have any rational way to release my anger. Yes, I can try and play DDR if I'm at home (although Nik tends to invade) and I can always write and write and write, but in all truth, I don't think the latter really helps very much. It does less to clear the anger, and more to link it to everything else, like my mind links everything, and shut the anger away until the next time I need it. But I don't punch things, I don't scream, Alis won't let me bite my tongue or dig my nails into my palms or scratch up my arms (which were all things I used to do on a fairly regular basis until she came along...and theres a whole stream by itself) so I can't get rid of it through self-inflicted pain, and I always wind up feeling far too guilty to take it out on other people. So generally, when the emotions get to be too much, I wind up crying, writing in a notebook, or both.

And neither activity really condones having a lot of people standing around staring at me with worried looks on their faces and asking if I'm alright.

Also, I noted the other day that when I'm in an especially people-hating sour mood, I go very quiet. This is primarily to keep myself from yelling at people, and I figured it out by watching a friend, who was bitchy and WAS yelling at people. So really, if I go quiet on you and detach myself from the group, I probably really would prefer to be left alone.

*laughs bitterly* My own silly memories. Like bowling. To date, Eric is STILL the only person who has ever managed to figure out the above without my telling them. He's a good lad.

*thinks*

This turned out rather further then I suspected. I meant to discuss attention-whorism, and figure out what I could possibly gain by posting my above post. I still don't know, other then the fact that I HAVE gained a lovely bit of SoC (Stream of Conciousness)

It's odd, thinking about it. When it comes to writing, I think of myself as a fairly good fiction/fantasy writer. But when I write SoC, I find myself IMMENSELY more eloquent. I prefer the subject matter, perhaps? Or maybe I just write best when I really am in such a quiet mood. If life tells me right, I do recieve more, or better compliments on my SoC peices then my stories.

Somehow, that depresses me a little. Perhaps because this is never how I've seen myself when I've said I wanted to be a writer?

Another thing I've figured out, which I don't remember if I ever posted here, is a bit of mathmatical ratio type stuff. I figure that about 80 or so percent of my time, I am happy, or at the very least, indifferent on the positive side of the mood spectrum. I also figure that, out of all my emotional intensity, about 75 percent or so of it comes from or out of that 20 percent of the time where I'm *not* happy. Do negitive emotions just mean more, or do they just stick better? And I know I can get happiness highs, I've done it before, but it's much harder to remember them, and how they feel when I'm feeling negitive then it is to remember the low's I've hit when I'm feeling positive. Do I really just hate myself?

I feel so disjointed. No doubt that if I went back and actually read this peice, I would agree with the fact that I *am* being disjointed, and that I'm very much letting myself swirl about the thought-stream. Controlled though. I try to avoid letting myself be in it uncontrolled, the results are rarely pretty.

*sigh* I have to go babysit. In all truth, I only may or may not actually be around on AIM, and if I am,I only may or may not want to talk. So ta.

...And I turned comments back on. The first few lines though, the first post...that is not to be commented on. Alright?

~Sorcyress
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
*stretches*

Ernest continues to be most satisfactory. The set kicked ass. The play kicked ass. Oscar Wilde kicks more ass then the rest of it put together.

Well, ok, not more then Sarahq. But Sarahq's just badass like that.

Jaimee and Scooter's party last night was equally fun. Hehehe! Scooter is fun to scritch. He goes all melted. And I got to have a loverly chat about webcomics with Jaimee's resident elf-ninja. *makes mental note to go investigate this misfile thing...and Jack*

And I HAVE MY HAT BACK!!! AHM'GAWDS!

If I had a camera, I would be forcing you all to oogle pics of me looking awesome in my hat. Or of the awesomeness that is my hair1. Either one.

And...other stuff. Yay other stuff!

Here's to lazy Sundays.

Oh right, I remember! Eric: WHWB? *raises eyebrow* Y'all's weird.

And I'm back on the boards for the first time in several months. Woo S.n!!

...

Wow. Best. Wrong number. EVER!

Her: Hi there, it's Marsha.
Me: Hi.
Her: So, what're you up to?
Me: ...Uhhh...just hanging...out.
Her: Yeah. Er.
Me: You have a wrong number don't you?
Her: Yeah. I'm sorry about that.
Me: no problem.

Now I really want to call random numbers and have conversations with people. It'd be FUN! Although people might not like it. *sigh*

Wow. I started with an innocent statement, and I have possibly the longest conversation I've ever had with the folk in my head. I may post it later, although it makes little sense.

All for now!

~Sor
MOOP!

*I have amazing hair. I just hope you all realize that. It's finally impossibly long again, and it's major thick, and in rather decent shape at the moment (y'know...brushed.) So I'm happy with it.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Woo Friday Night Chats!

It really is fun. Especially because online, you CAN get really dr0nk without having to worry about having a headache in the morning.

'cept the bar wasn't really officially open.

Zaph still tried to kill himself via dr0nken 0blivion's again. Woo, I have a two headed perpetually drunk alian living in my head!

Also: I think that This Comic perfectly sums up how I felt once Eric and Jarne began talking music. Woosh! Right over my head!!

The other best thing about online is the fact that, if you're tierd and hyper and feel like it, you can curl up in three different people's laps...at the same time!

Actually, that shouldn't be a three. That should be an INFINITY! You can curl up in an INFINATE amount of laps!!

Clearly Sor hasn't actually woken up yet...

And I think I managed to invent a new perspective last night. I call it fourth person.

~Sor
MOOP!
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Quote of the day!:
Me: Girls confuse me too
Jarne: What's with the whole bleeding thing, you sick masochists!

Alternate:Here

~Sor
MOOP!

((Although, if this whole discussion on the removal of pants continues, I might have another for you.

Clearly my girlfriend shouldn't go off to watch Monk. I get bored and start talking to crazies and next thing you know, I'm apparently wearing Leonardo Da Vinci's pants...))

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